Glimpse of the Life in Hollywood

Currently Listening: Titanic - James Horner








I have been here in LA for about a week now and its been really good! I really do always enjoy it here whenever I visit my sister Jennie and her husband John. They've been really generous, accomadating and amazingly loving.

The highlights of my stay here this time (because it is the second) is not all the tourist frenzy or the glam of LA but the people.

I was lucky enough to meet a few people at a dinner last Tuesday and at a party Last Night. I was fortunate enough to encounter Alana de la Garza from the TV series "Law and Order" and her husband and striving writer Micheal.

All I can say that these people are one of the most down to earth people that i have ever encountered so far. They were the ones who invited John to both occasions. Since they are still here in LA for their vacation, they wanted to hang out. Even though they have both touched the Hollywood mainstream they had a lot of stories about how the business goes. Mike said that it is really hard to find someone to get to even read your script or story. It takes even much more effort to conceptualize everything and bring your characters to life. He showed us a few of his represented models for his story board. They were really good, how the characters looked and the programs they used to develop these charaters seemed awesome. Their work kind of gave me a peek of what graphic design is like and I would think that I am on the right patha s far as my ambition goes. Anyway, mike was telling us how sometimes it can be very emotionally downing when you cannot make it to the mainstream at once especially when it is your greatest desire. He was telling us still how he admires all the people who still manage to continue on doing what they love till they make it. Some people think of creating something, want to make something but do not at all have the guts to risk their effort in pursuing what they want. Well for me, if people don't try, it means that they do not really love what they do and they are. As Einstien said, "People who have not failed (or risked) have not lived at all."

As with anything fulfillment is achieved from within and not from without. If you feel that you are already a succcess inside then it WILL mainfest outside without a doubt. Again, all a matter of FAITH. BELIEVE!!!!!

Given that the people I encountered are generally successful i don't think that they have strayed to far from their real personalities. They are so freaking nice! When they talk to you they do it sincerely like how a PERSON does and not a plastic freak of nature. You see that they are confident because they are themselves and not because they are Actresses or Writers. Alana even baked cookies for us for the party and she gave gifts for everyone even for me and she knew that I wasn't even sure if i could come at the time.

These people, although they do not know it, are an inspiration to me and for anyone who has big dreams. We all must stick to the empathy and caring that we give to everyone. We are all connected because we are everything like human.

My Daemon

Thinking for the First Time in a Long Time

Its been round 11 days since I came here in America. I have been distracting myself with a whole lot of things lately since I can't start studying til next year pa. I will be working full time once I get my SS number but my first project will be learning how to drive. I am already halfway through the driver's manual. Pretty soon I'll be aceing my test hehehe.... I know I can still take my sweet precious time with it though since my SS is still not here but I feel that is is on its way of course.

In the meantime this is what I have been preoccupying myself with lately:

• Developing a system and a schedule for my daily activities every morning that I wake up
• Watching Heroes and other series online
• Studying the driver's manual
• Listening to music
• Reading my personal books
• Watching movies (So far I've watched Mirror Mask and South Pacific....two opposite genres but both very educational and equally as interesting)

Today I watched the final episode of "The Bachellor" of the latest season. It seems that this season is the most intriguing since the guy didn't pick anyone...... The final final episode showed the people involved 2 months after confronting each other but it became even more painful for them.....

After watching I got a bit of a flashback at my own rejections throughout my not so adventurous 18 year life. Whether it came from love or from the common "Normal" things in life, they were most definitely PAINFUL... but hey I am so over all of it hehehe... But remembering how the feeling of rejection felt and sympathizing with yourself makes it very frank to deal with. When you are over reviewing everything you wouldn't want to go back to it.

After watching I sat down and read a few pages of the book I am currently reading (Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho) The main character was a prostitute in the story but in the paradox of it all... this very brave prostitute admits to herself that she chooses her life and does not blame anyone for what she chose. She knows though that the people she encountered affected her to some extent for her to make decisions on her own whether it was consciously or in a nother level of consciousness... She enumerates all the probable life situations that she may have if she intends to choose them. Looking back at her normal life, her past, I would describe it as boring and most certainly below the level of the kind of person she already is.

The soul only chooses what is best for it and the life situation you are in right now is a physical mainfestation of what you proclaim life is. It is all pieced together and it confronts you like a television show you are watching. It is then up to the viewer whether to change the channel (of thought) or not. But everything can be done with a snap of a finger.

Right now I am still waiting as if I were in the prostitute's past, boring life.... but I know that all of this is preparation for a big event. individual dominoes do need to be tediously set up and formed before you can see "The Domino Effect" and all it's pieces come falling down to reveal an utter perfection.... :)

The Reason WHY I LIKE JOSH GROBAN

Some people find it weird that I never get sick of hos music. No matter how many times i listen to his music or how often i do, my reaction to my favorite songs of his is the same! I really dont care what other people think about it. Music is all a matter of preference and you gotta accept that about people.....

As of me, I like many artists but one of the most stable ones I like is Josh. His music is a combination of modern, pop, and classical music. As a result of the mix of all the genres mentioned, in my opinion, his music is ethereal. It enables the listener to feel as if that person is being lifted. It gives me a natural high man. No need for drugs. (hahah)

In turn he finds inspiration in many other musicians who (most of them) are his friends. I am a fan of most of the artists that he works with, namely, Celine Dion, Imogen Heap, Dave Matthews, Lucia Micarelli, Andy McKee, Five for Fighting and Brian McKnight.

As a result of the blend of his personality and all the other artists chips into his work, I am totally in love with his music. I see my own self in it. He's like me only male and classical. I also like braodway so if I were to be a musician I'd probably be something like him only lighter and a bit broadway..... hehehe

I wish for the cahnce to collaborate with him on some music..

Someday Somehow... heheh.... :)

Certainty

You can certainly get what you want because of the simple fact that you know that you want it.

If you know what you want, it means that you are interested in it and know all the little details involved in it.

Interest in the details involved in whatever you want means that you are most definitely qualified to achieve your goals, your dreams.....

Josh Groban Concert

Going Through the Crowd
Where I reached Him

OH MY GOD! (*sigh)…….

Everything was like just a fleeting moment passing. One moment that seemed like a whole different forever while it was happening, but, something so short when it was over.
The whole experience of being in the concert was breathtaking and until now my feet are still not on the ground. I am floating in midair as if I am in a human made heaven.

If you are wondering how I was able to go, it was not through the SCREAMING FAN competition held on MTV. (The video I posted earlier) It was through a blessing in the universe, through my sister Gwen.

Gwen was able to get tickets for free! At first she didn’t know whether or not her contact would be able to get us seats. We were willing to pay for cheaper tickets, that’s why she asked her contact if they still had any low priced seats available because that’s what we could afford. It was a miracle that there were still seats and, because of the work she did for that company’s PR in the past, they granted her a reward and gave even better tickets for free!

She didn’t even tell me anything at first when she got them. When she came home 2 nights before the concert, she just told me to fit an outfit for me to wear for the concert and use the Law of Attraction to get those tickets. So I did what she told me even though I was already really worried about the whole thing. The next day, while we were driving to Greenhills, she told me to put on a Josh G. CD. I said, “Why will we put it on? I am already so frustrated that we don’t have the tickets as it is!” She just brushed aside what I said and just insisted that I put on the CD. I was reaching for the older album when she told me to look in her bag and take out the newer one. When I got it, my eyes immediately focused on two yellowish strips of card on the left side that wasn’t normally there…..

I just couldn’t react at once. I stared at the tickets, screamed to the top of my lungs and CRIED LIKE A BABY!

I thought the surprises were over and I was wrong.

On the day of the concert, we left the house early so that we could hang out in my tita’s condo in Makati since we were waiting for some friends to finish with a meeting in the area and eventually ride along with them to PICC for the concert. It just so happened that my tita watched the concert the night before and told us what happened. At first we were annoyed because we knew that our aunt would tell us everything but then we heard that Josh would be moving around the audience in the 2nd half of the concert. It would happen when he makes the female violinist perform a solo and smoke comes out on the stage. THE SURPRISE OF THE NIGHT! We also heard of Maricel-Laxa Panganiban who was daring enough to quickly take a snap shot of herself and Josh in the background very quickly.

A light bulb then went on! WHY DON’T I DO THAT! THERE MIGHT BE A CHANCE FOR HIM TO PASS BY OUR ROW! We didn’t have a good camera so my tita lent me hers. I also planned on handing him a small note saying “I dream of singing with you one day. You are amazing!”
FINALLY, we were watching the concert! It was spectacular, words are too much of a hindrance to explain fully how it felt like watching him. From the lights, to the musicians with him to his wonderful voice, it was perfect!

The cue came in for the second half and of course his entrance FROM THE AUDIENCE. We were fortunately seated beside the isle! When the cue came, I looked up and there was a guy in the trench coat! I quickly exchanged seats with my sis wanting to be by the isle. FALSE ALARM!

We were looking up frantically searching then we heard his voice then the spotlight directed on the upper left side of the audience (the other side). I prayed and hoped that he would pass by our seats… SUDDENLY, WE SAW THAT HE WAS PASSING THROUGH THE MIDDLE AND THAT HIS ONLY EXIT WOULD BE ON OUR SIDE BY OUR SEATS!!!!!!!. I frantically tried to grab the camera phone from my sis…(since I thought my aunt’s digicam would not be allowed in the premises I didn’t bring it down…. SAYANG!....) She was grabbing it back from me saying, “Ano ka ba SAM! Ako ang kukuha ng picture nyo!” THEN, THERE HE WAS IN FRONT OF US! First I reached out my hand, touched his and tried to put the note in his hand amidst so many people and his bodyguards. When I saw that he held my note and that there were no more people from the audience, I quickly went in between his whole entourage and I HUGGED HIM! HE PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME! The bodyguards couldn’t do anything. They just let me be and my sis took the shot! (Pic Shown) We were against the drasted spotlight so the pic is dark. I decided to just play with it in photoshop so it can be made clearer. BUT STILL IT’S A PICTURE!

Then, when he went back onstage, and there was a silent moment I screamed, “I LOVE YOU JOSH!” He said in a manly tone, “Hmmmmmm….I Love you MORE!”

Unluckily, he accidentally dropped my note. Its okay though because at least now I have something that he held in his hands. I wrote to him in his website instead. I ardently wish that he would receive that email.

WAAAAAAH! It was the night of my life! My sis and I were screaming and crying the whole time! I thank her so much for everything… I wouldn’t have spent it with anyone else. I totally believe in the SECRET and the UNIVERSE now!

Whatever you desire you get! I truly desired this. So people JUST BELIEVE!!!!!
So… I swear to all of you right now, “Before I die, I will sing with Josh Groban LIVE in front of millions of people worldwide…… IN THIS LIFETIME!!!!!!”

BELIEVE…………

Soul's Agenda

I heard some awfully scary news today. Its about this "Blood-spill Gang" initiation. In order for novices of the gang to enter they have to accomplish a very ruthless task. You know how it is when you drive at night in narrow streets and you come across a car with either bright headlights or no headlights at all and being one with a good heart, you automatically flash your lights to remind them or warn them. WELL I SUGGEST YOU DONT DO THAT NOWADAYS. In this gang, to initiate, they stop over the first car that flashes their its lights back at them and manicly kill everyone who is inside that car.

When I hear of incidents such as this or those which are similar like mass killings and shootings, I can't seem to comprehend how people in their rightful minds actually think of thinking how to commit these crazy acts! MY GOD!

I was talking to my sister earlier today and she says when people do these crimes, it is such actions that fulfill a soul's higher agenda. We do not fully comprehend the purpose of a human soul once it enters this life. No matter how much we try to change or influence a person's actions, we cannot directly change them without the consent of that person. It is possible that when the soul re-entered, it had already experienced the opposite of what it is experiencing now. Whether it came now to contribute to negativity or to positivity the fact remains that all souls live for the purpose of breathing, for finding oneself and forgetting all over again, for duality. You have to know who you are for you to know who you are not.

I dare be objective in this world to know what I want and how to live my life. I dare be objective also for everyone else i care for and for those who seek my advice, but if there comes a time when one does not always heed my perceptions, then I shall say my piece and let that person have its own judgement and free will. It is in their power to create their play for they are Gods and so are WE.

I respect all souls' agendas. Let their own liberation choose for them and lead them to who they really ARE.

Waiting on the World to Change

I am now at home, thinking of what to do later after I take my lunch and I think to myself. I am so blessed and so is everyone else. We may have days when we think that there is nothing in this world but bad luck but more often then not I see that people are generally happy with their lives.

We are in need of nothing because everything is already with us. It just takes a valiant effort to see it and once we do we will be on jolly sprees acting like absolute out of this world people.

Now that it is evident to me that we are all blessed and filled with graces, it will be easier for me to be generous to everyone else that lies within this magnificent oneness.

I do know that i will be staying here in the Philippines for at the most is 4 months thats why I am savoring every moment that comes to me whether I am experienceing this country by myself or with those people that i love.

As I look on to the future I do not want to anticipate anything because I know that whatever my calling is, the universe knows what my higher purpose in everything is.

Forgive me for my unrelated paragraph writing, I am just typing out whatever that comes to mind hehehehe.....

Obligations and Inspirations

The turn of events these past few weeks has been hitting me like large fists. This week went by so fast. Within it I dealt with obligations and once again inspirations.

For obligations, this week was the first ever time for me to experience something like being a mother. I was responsible for my niece Sabine for TEN STRAIGHT DAYS! I never knew I could do it but I was able to.

I became a serrogate mother for her in the absence of Gwen because of her trip of her trip to Europe. Being a mother is not as easy as it looks. There is a certain degree of selflessness that you have to have before you can be declared ready. Having a daughter is like being a cell and reproducing a part of yourself. Hence, you feel like you need to direct all of your attention to that newborn self of yours so that it will not be lead astray in this foreboding world. But in reality, you need to show love, guidance but not trap that self in a cage like an experiment. Freedom is the sum total of the GOD that any life form needs to be.

Aside from that, I needed to go to St. Lukes Clinic for my medical exam by myself today. I had situation with a taxi driver who wanted to make me pay 150 pesos for a ride from the clinic to the LRT station with only a few blocks away between them! His meter was broken so he wanted to esimate the amount I would pay him plus he said that it was terribly congested in the streets where we would have to pass. I declined his sevices and decided to hail another cab. When I reached my destination I paid a small sum of ONLY 55 PESOS! imagined how gullible I would have looked if I had agreed with the first driver.

For inspirations, this week I became a part-time movie buff... (If you want to make that a profession already..... it doesn't sound half bad does it?) I watched most of them with Les and Tin, at home with popcorn.

I watched the following movies:

1. The Graduate - I loved the soundtrack and Dustin Hoffman's twirpy role heheh! Anne Bancroft was very entertaining too! It goes to show how older women without passion for their husbands get very lonely.

2. Great Expectations - I loved Francesco Clemente's artwork that was featured there. Ethan Hawke is GORGEOUS! Anne Bancroft once again here but she played an older role. She is such a great actress. The whole story has many twists, turns and emotions which all lead to an amazing story.

3. Amelie - I love this movie. Audrey Tatu really fits her role here. I love how mischievous she is but how wide her consciousness is when observing things.

I hope to watch even more movies in the future.

Growing Up

I was wondering when this blog entry would finally reveal itself. I never really thought about it but its time to face it. It is apparent that i am freakin growing up. I am sooo scared....

Being the youngest amongst a group of girls isn't always comfortable especially since they have all experienced everything that I am about to go through. When I try to make a decision, I am moved by their advice and sometimes become very indecisive still about it. I easily get swayed by impatience and doubt my faith in the universe. At times when they would talk me through things I get into mood swings not thinking clearly and boil up uncontrollingly.

Imagine that this is true even now that people are backing me up! What if I live independently already and make my own decisions? I fear that I would lose control! What if i can't handle things and my sisters are all so far away?

I am now slowly putting everything that they have been teaching me into action on my own. I dont know whether what I am doing is what you may think "wrong" or "right" but i do know that pretty soon I will be RESPONSIBLE for all of my major decisions in life.

When its real-life decision making, all those lessons given to you in highschool about it seem to get blurry. No one will be able to capture the essence of it in one second of your life when you are compelled to make instant decisions based on gut instinct.

What is for sure is that people choose everything in this life, from where you were born to when and how you will die and everything in between. The possibilities cannot be counted.

If at this stage I am scared, but I know I will be able to let go of this fear because it is in our nature not to care anymore and just keep moving forward. In every moment we live and die at the same time.

Soon so soon

This second half of August was something of a blast. Full of surprises it has been, never a dull moment in between.

Sweet little joys come in the best of packages, which in this case was the arrival of my sister Jenny from the States. It has been 5 years since I have last seen her. The last time she was here i have to admit that I didn't spend much time with her and i wasn't able to make up for the lost time that we did not have with each other. This time I made an effort to be on my best behavior and truly unmasking the personality of someone so near yet so far from me.

In her stay this time, i learned that SO MANY of my own personal antics and characteristics come form her! Its a mystery how I was able to acquire all of them despite the fact that she is the one I hardly know out of my sisters. We talk in the same mumbled way, our facial antics are the same (how we pout our lips sometimes unknowingly), we do things taking our sweet special time like a turtle (hence everybody gets so irritated at how slow we do things), we sometimes have delayed reactions when someone tells a joke or says a story.

Her presence in the house made everything so light, and i mean light! She also allowed me to see the possiblilities for me to lose so much weight. Her personal diet should be made into a book! No sweets, or hydrogenated fat, NO SUGAR and exercise at least once a week. On Sundays, splurge on one meal, you may choose to eat one kind of fatty food and one kind of dessert. I am now cold turkeying sweets from now on except Sundays. She is the thinnest out of all my siblings. She was even a fashion model before.

I was so happy that for the first time in five years, the sisters JACINTO were complete.

Yesterday when we brought her to the airport I wasn't able to condition myself to the situation at hand. We had to say goodbye. I teared up a little, but i knew that i would be seeing her soon..... very much SOONER THAN EXPECTED.

The airport had such a profound effect on me, I wasn't myself the whole evening...... why does everything live and die so soon.....

Currently Listening:
Chris Brown - Yo (Excuse Me Miss)







I am now taking an interest to Chris Brown. He is amazing. The Usher of our generation. He has been having a good career.

Anyhoo..... I am good... i am happy. I am now finding out ways on how to maximize my time as much as I can. Its as if I am running on a tight schedule but actually I am in total control of my time. As much as possible I never want to be seen by other people staring blankly into space like there is nothing left in this world to enthusiastically observe.

Be in the now, look and see why you have the upper hand in whatever cause you always do have an advantage. Sometimes people's visions get blurry because they are blinded but their dissatisfaction. Everything will only work for you once you are GRATEFUL.

Hope i bring myself to do what i said hahah! will you guys join me at this? :D taralets mga bagets hahah!

Getting a Kick Out of What Lies Ahead

Being an out of school youth has its downsides (not graduating in due time, getting bored out of your wits, having not much of a social life) BUT, for this time, I am looking on to the "but thens".

I have chosen a peculiar route for me in this stage of my life. For a whacking 1 and a half years (and running) I have not been studying. I came to this decision primarily because of two reasons: 1. I am waiting for my petition papers to arrive and most truthfully...., 2. I was not psyched up about going to school since I had been drained for the past 4 years of studying in High School. Now I am seeing an ever clearer picture as to why I stuck firm on this decision. I wanted REST.. and boy did I get it!

While I was "RESTING" I found myself and my inner purpose along the way. I found the answers to the most mind boggling questions a human being can ask. If you ask me where I stand when it comes to religion, love, spirituality, God and self... i will probably have a heart felt answer to supply. The most puzzling things are now friends with me. I am so grateful to have gone this way. I owe it to my beautiful sisters for they have been my northern stars. I would have been mislead without them.

Now that I am positively sure that i am opting to start college next school year i am more than prepared. I am not being dragged by my ankles to do it either, the choice comes from me. To go on to the next stage of my academic journey is exhilerating. My determination and happiness has reached the optimum level.

Generosity

There are so many entries in this blog that comes in the first person point of view. That is, i almost ALWAYS refer to myself. I get so full of myself sometimes and I know it.

I do not want to always talk about ME anymore. It doesn't mean that just because this is my blog I am excused of always referring to myself.

I saw a snippet of my horoscope a while ago and it mentioned that Arieses have a tendency to become selfish at times and I KNOW THAT! Oh boy do i see that in myself.

I decide right now that i want to be committed to being GE-NER-OUS from now on. Generosity brings out so many benefits. Aside from the fact that I am becoming more of the God that is innately in me, I also get to help people. When you give, it means that you have plenty and that you enjoy sharing per se.

Sharing is the key element to selflessness. It is also the best thing that a person can do to show appreciation and fascination for each other. This world is not meant to be lived on solely as an individual. Sometimes the only way to find ourselves is to sense it in others. That only goes to show how no man is an island and that we are naturally social beings.

The ego often hinders us from realizing this fact. Because of insecurity, greed comes in and fear steps into the limelight even more making it the center of attention.

I am so blessed to have people around me that enable me to keep in touch with this side of morality. My sisters have been so generous to me that I cannot word how thankful I am to them. They are the only ones guts enough to talk to me straight to my face and push my weaknesses right on to where it should be taken into evaluation. My family and friends are my pillars thus I should make them my priority. I think I have spent enough time with myself. I am ready to love others. I am ready to mingle and make bonds. I am ready to fuse with the light of other beings.

I am grateful for this life and for everyone in it. Thank you all so much. Everything that you guys have done has embedded love energy into my triumvirate. This love shall be my purpose of living from now on.

Fully Booked ( not just the store but my own agendas too)

Here I am blogging once again. Haha! i just can't seem t get enough of this. :D

Well, disregarding my comment mentioned above, today was light and good. Although my day started a bit sour (since my session with Chris was delayed because of technical reasons), I was still able to save it make it strangely sweet again.

To start off, I just installed Gwen's (overly shelf-lifed) web-cam. Now it is serving its purpose and Gwen was kind enough to allow me to use it in the afternoon as long as she would be here in the house. Now i can have class with my student online without having to go to a public, unconditioned place for teaching.

Just in time, AFTER my class with Chris, Kuya came and I was able to tag along with the Carinos to the Fort. At first, we went to The Strip but I didn't find any interesting place to hang out in in that joint so I resolved to go to Boni High instead. Low and behold, it was heaven.

I took a short walk towards my destination and looked around the establishments and stores. I saw a few cool shoes but nothing that really interested me (considering my budget hehehe...). I tread down the long row of shops and landed just where I initially intended to. I was on the front steps of Fully Booked.

I was so amazed at how enormous this new branch was! It had 4 functional floors and the 5th one was still under construction. The things that made this particular branch special were the ff..

1. The Forum area
2. The U View (mini cinema)
3. The Starbucks crammed in the 3rd floor.
4. The huge-ass record shop
5. The Art supplies section below.
   

I was in HEAVEN! As I was browsing, I wanted to lag on the whole day in that place, just to look at the books. If only I had my own mini library... ah the joy of gaining knowledge and joy at your fingertips. I wanted to buy every book I was intrigued in.

As I shifted my gaze from book cover to book cover (each one suited for the type of subject it presented) I discovered that there is so much talent in this world. No one will ever run out of ideas to add up to the many compiled articles of specialty and genius that were in the store. Originally I was scared that I would never be able to come up to the level of these significant people featured all around me. Then, it struck me like lightning that we all really do inspire each other. That is what talent is for, it is to remind one another how exceptional we all are in each of our own ways.

I got overwhelmed at the whole vibe of the place.

When I got home I received a text from Jeanie saying that the company I was applying for liked the credentials that I sent to them and that they were impressed. There's just a bit of an age issue at hand but I hope it will be considered. I know the Universe knows what's best for me so I just surrender my service to whatever it thinks is best for me. I trust the universe even if I were to be blindfolded.

Oh well adieu! I am off to bed hehehe

Old Men

I have this thing with old men. I always cry when I see or watch something on TV about an old man who is suffering from pain whether its physical or emotional. I think it is because, these men have experienced a lot of "repenting" throughout their lives. Men do have more escapades and rendezvous more than women have.

I get cracked up even more whenever I see an old man who is a widower. I sense this kind of silent mourning erupting within them. Its at that point in their lives when they realize that they do truly love their spouses and that they are so alone without them. Living with these women for practically their whole lives made them grow into their spouses' characters and thus they find completion in their being only with their spouses' presence. Perhaps they would want to die already and follow onto the next life, some do. Some, however, accept that they still have to stay on this earth and live up to their higher purpose, live til they fulfill their mission. Some reminisce and acquire a deep insight because of their reflections.

Significant incidences such as the death of our loved ones increase our awareness and make us appreciate life even more. It doesn't take a strained effort to have your inner eye opened, it will just will automatically.

I had this keen observation yesterday when I watched Avril Lavigne's Video "When you're gone". I'm not really an Avril fan but of course since her video is always in demand on MTV, I just happened to lend my attention to her. I saw an old man with the description fitted above. he was one of the characters in the video. I felt pity for him and teared up, unexpectedly. I knew it was just a little eye dropper moment but then something totally uncomprehendable happened.... I cried, like a baby..... I cried so hard that my sinuses clogged up, then the recent events in my life just passed through my head. I was specifically affected by my longing to see my dad, the only man in my immediate family. I have not seen him in 6 years, and counting, but I don't want to count any further.

It dawned on me that i really miss my parents and I miss their guidance. I do not have a clue what life fixture i chose upon entering this lifetime as this spiritual entity but I do know that the universe has my back and that it knows my deepest desires. One way or another, i WILL see my parents soon.

I cried myself to sleep yet when i woke up, its as if nothing happened to me. I was fine and its not a lie.

These past few days have been about acceptance, gratitude, faith and most of all..... PATIENCE. Everyone has to be patient and well dead set on each of their endeavors and i think I am. If i am having a hard time, what more the old man in the video or the picture? They are just waiting for a call from the light.... devotedly they wait for a new beginning from the doors leading ti the afterlife......

Cooped Up for THREE DAYS

I have been stuck in the house for three consecutive days already! I wonder if anyone can fathom the degree to which I really want to go out for some fresh air, people watch or something. I am comfortable with myself but I guess i miss the presence and energy of other people too.....

I am kinda financially incapable of hanging out right now but at least I am getting used to preoccupying myself wherever I am. It takes a lot to condition yourself to do things no matter where you are. It captures a sense of discipline and calmness in a person really.

Its so ironic how you miss being a bum when you are busy and miss being busy when you are a bum. I guess I just have to make the most out of this bumness...... aahhh..... dualities, i dont think I will EVER get used to them hehehe..

Past Lives and Present Angsts

I just got my past life anaylsis form the link given above. I feel it to be very accurate.

Your past life diagnosis:
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Tibet around the year 1825. Your profession was that of a artist, magician or fortune teller.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Bohemian personality, mysterious, highly gifted, capable to understand ancient books. With a magician's abilities, you could have been a servant of dark forces.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your task is to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.

Do you remember now?

I don't know if it was a coincidence but before reading this analysis, I had just been watching "Light at the Edge of the World" on Nat Geo. Ironically the show was about Buddhism and the Tibetan way of life. While watching the show I felt a sense of calm in me as if I truly understood what all of it meant and that it was what I needed to keep myself grounded.

I discovered in the show that Buddhism is not a religion nor a philosophy. It is simply a way of life presented to people as a given choice. Unlike the others, once you follow buddhism you are not obliged to do anything. Everything is a choice. They do not believe in SIN. They just believe that the thing that hinders us from reaching the next state of enlightenment is ignorance and being unaware. We are all sentient beings that are still learning and are living in a world of suffering. "Suffering" stands for some of the worldly things that we attatch oursleves to and depend on just to find a sense of self.

Happiness I remember is not something that you look for but something that comes from within. It is a state of being. I have to keep that food for thought permanently in my head. My ego often eats me up. I end up thinking irrationally and lose myself whenever I am not able to control my own mind. I can't live this rashly all the time. It is not HEALTHY at all...........

I can't keep on clinging to my earthly desires. These materials, these "tools" will come and serve their purpose for me at the time athat theyh are supposed to. I know that I am somehow aware of my life path. I know what i am about to go through but whats life without haveing a a bit of amnesia right? There won't be anymore thrill without forgetting.

I am now set upon remembering who i was to fins a deeper meaning to my present life right now and this reading just made a lot of answers clearer now.

I am until now I think a Bohemian, I am still an artist exploring different ways on becoming one. I am still a monk at heart for i am in touch with my meditative side whenever I want to be. I know when I am turning into Mr. Hyde and I know how to save myself from myself.

The mission given to me in the reading is face on true. I can observe certain hang ups in people that i know how to deal with if i were in their shoes at the moment I obseve them. But, once they arrive into my little swarm of experiences I tend to forget my own advice. So I do have to overcome these things.

This reading also explains why I am so interested in magic, folklore and epics. Fantasy is a part of my past life. I think I even might have been a Dragon tamer in my time since I absolutely love dragons.... hehehehe....

For the past 3 days i have been so irritable. A while ago I just arrived at the peak of this obssesively "depressing" mood. I screamed. To the top of my lungs. In front of Chessy. She just watched me and let me. She knew what I was going through and did not stop me from crying out my anguish. There are so many reasons behind this outburst. I feel jealous, I feel impatient, I feel weak, I feel..... so.... tired..... I order myself to just STOP! FUCK IT! PI! I am sick and tired of all this BS. I have to be me again minus the freaking ego. SHAKE IT OFF SAM!....

Universe help me..... thankyou....

Finalizing My Blog

I am trying to finalize everything about my blog so that I will not have to add anything anymore. I want to make this blog my little sanctuary, somewhere where I can breathe no matter where I am in this world. I consider it my connection to all my forms. I LOVE THIS BLOG!

I have added a few widgets that might interest anyone who is reading this post right now. I found it all in http://widgetbox.com/ so if anyone wants a go at this site by all means please go because it is very amusing indeed.....

1. RADIO - This widget is the best one that i have ever encountered in my life! You can look for any artist in the search engine and the Radio will play that artist and present other similar artists to the one you searched for. It can play any artist! This Radio is also a way to discover new artists. This thing is a music library compressed into one tiny box.
2. CLOCK - Its always helpful to know the time whenever you are online! This thing rocks too...
3. GLOBE - This is a virtual representation of a globe. It revolves and when you generate it you can even choose its color... I marked all the places that I hold significant to me right now. These dots show where I want to go in the future and my purpose in each place.
4. MUSICIANS SITE LINKS - In my sidebar, I linked all my fave artists websites so that I can share them with everyone.

In addition to all these widgets, I also adjusted the size of my sidebar so that everything is seen more clearly.

Let this be my shock absorber and sip of hot chocolate everday.

Fixing My Blog

I never really took notice that I already have around 65 entries in this blog throughout 2 years.

I guess I have had a lot of spare time these days and it is because I haven't started studying yet. Once I do I guess i will only be writing every weekend or a frequency similar to that. I have been wanting to fix this blog and now finally that is what I am doing. I gave up my supposed painting obligation for this thing man! But i do know that this will look hella purty... heheheh

I decided to change a lot of things today. Not only my blogs layout but also my own heheh..... I had a haircut and I can say that this haircut is truly "Posh Spice" hair. Let this day not only be a booster for a new mien but also for a new attitude towards work, health, discipline and love.

I want to make these things to pay a big role in my evolution as a whole person: spirit, mind and body......

Everything in One Day

Yesterday was one of the most eventful days of my life. It was a combination of the different facets involved in my persona.

I had been waiting for that day for such a long time, for it was the day that I would get my last installment of Harry Potter. To my excitement, after getting the book I treated myself twice. I went straight to one of my hangouts, Sweet Inspirations and I had an all - pinoy full on breakfast. I had Adobo Flakes with egg and Atsara. YUM! After having such a scrumptious meal, I went to Gateway, Coffee Bean, to start my last adventure in the world of Potter. I ordered a coffee shake and found a comfy little spot to start he celebration...When I flipped through the first few pages, excitement rushed through me but when I saw the dedication, my mood took a detour to something situated deeper within me. Her dedication read as:

"This dedication is split in 7 ways: to Neil, to Jessica, to David, to Kenzie, to Di, to Anne and to YOU, if you have stuck with Harry until the very end...."

When I read this my eyes got a bit misty, and it really hit me that this is the end! WOW! So, with that I started reading, I went on from 11:00 til 3:45... In the middle of it all two funny things happened. First, when i reached page 130+ of my book, Aris texted me and said that he was just on page 74 but that he had already paused, closed the book and shook his head in disbelief 5 times since he started. I do not blame him ecause everything was simply overwhelming... (sigh) Second, I was on my way up from the ladies room after a little break and I saw this cute looking guy look at me on the way up so I smiled at him. I went back to CBTL to resume my session then I saw the same guy. He went looking for me and caught up with me. He then went inside the coffee shop and talked to me a bit then asked for my phone number haha! funny...

When it was time, I had to go up to the LRT entrance to meet up with Cyril and Lora. I wasn't expecting anything, if it pushes through then great!, if not then its okay... To my delight it pushed through! I saw Cy first, we decided to go down and tell Lora to follow instead, we chatted for a while then Lora although late (hahahh!) managed to get down. We were undecided on where to hang out. We went to Starbucks first but it was full, we tried up but it was the same, so we went down again and found Gloria jeans, a not so bad and not so crowded place. We talked for about 30 mins then i had to go because of my "curfew" mainly. I was so happy just to see them frankly. I missed them both so much and seeing them just made my week. I realized that we still held the same personality as before. Each of us were our own person. When I told Tin and Gwen about it they were amused by the story and said that it will forever be that way. If I meet up with my highschool friends my highschool attitide will come back.... same goes with all the sets of friends I have....:D hahhahaha!

When I came home I had a few surprises..too.. I talked to two clients who were inquiring bout my services as an artist and as a voice teacher so I hope everything pushes through. I am learning how to carry on with work and be relaxed at the same time... I am getting comfortable with dealing with clients..... I am also becoming more appreciative of the time I dedicate to "dating" myself whenever I try to clear my thoughts or read a special book because those are the moments I fall in love with life itslef.

Things are happening with a woosh and a trail. There is so much change revolving in the atmosphere..... I know that I am growing up and I am getting inspired to live up to my little reveries and dreams everyday. When I picture my self as "B" I smile at the prospect, be happy and proceed to be "A" because i know transition from the first to the latter is only a matter of SPACE and the illusion that is TIME......

Getting an aflation from those who were just there all along

I attended a party yesterday. It was Charisse's 18th birthday celebration. Seeing everyone again just made me so happy. It made me feel as if I am not alone in this voyage of growing up.


Everyone has their ups and downs while learning the ropes of their so called chosen professions in this lifetime. Its just a bit hard getting used to the new ways that people have but its really entertaining noticing them. This life only leads towards the progression and not degression, it will never make sense if it does right?.... Many things have happened to me, many new encounters with tremendously alienating situations. It makes me cower with fear sometimes. Foreboding it is to deal with these things but you gotta stop being a suk. Everyone has these little feelings but its up to you to use them to your advantage. Be resourceful and quick witted. When you see a little flaw in something you are doing double check and listen to your gut feel when scrutinizing the whole circumstance.




When I see other people and how successful they are, I get jealous but in a good way. I see what made them that way and I feel happy for them. Then i use the good points I see in them to hel me build myself and who I am. I know it will take a bit of a long time till I find myself altogether but I am willing to take on eveything I need to go through. I love myself I am happy to be me, but it pays to look at the God in everyone and be astounded at how brilliant everyone is, that way you can see the brilliance in you.

I was tagged by Ches Lopez who's next???

The game goes like this:

• Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about them.
• People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly.
• In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.
• Don’t forget to leave a comment/message on their site that says they are tagged.
• Then leave a comment/message in in their site and tell them to read your blog.

Sam's 6 Weird Things:

1. I use post it notes as legends to organize whatever I write in my "special notebook"

2. I curl my toes when i sleep. (People say they look ike they are about to break)

3. I like watching American Dragon and Kim Possible until now hahah!

4. I sing anywhere out of the blue sometimes to the top of my lungs.

5. I can make my stomach move like a snake. (Belly dancing move hhah!)

6. I can move the sides of my mouth rapidly without moving the center part.

I tagged Angelique, Paula, Charlaine, Clarisse, and Cameele

Just my luck, or is it my fate?

I was just discussing patience as a topic for my previous blog entry and now here i am telling you about something weird and great at the same time, an event that i think is the result of the patience that I had yesterday.

As i was cleaning my nails (a part of my itinereary for the day) I was surprised to hear from my sister gwen that there was someone on the phone for me inquiring about my home tutorial service. While i was making my way towards the telephone i could feel the rush of adrenaline making its path around my body. There was a man from the Italian embassy asking i i could tutor one of their employees since he needed to brush up on his english. Although his residence was in Makati I really didn't mind going there to teach because it would be something totally new, something i had never done before. naturally i agreed to negotiate with him on this matter.

I picked up where I left off and started once again maintaining my proper hygene. (hehe) I was excited at the thought of a new student, a European one at that, but still kept my composure. After around ten mins, i received yet another phone call from a woman who wanted a tutor for her daughter. She lives in San Juan, not as far as Makati but still a bit far. I also agreed to meet up with her and consequently I was hired. I am starting class with her tomorrow.

The Italian guy cancelled our classes but i was totally fine with it because I know that there are still so many more students out there.

The fact that i was called by two potential students made me really trust the universe. It is true that the universe leads you to where you are supposed to be. It makes sure that it rathers the consensus of the many people apart of it before it makes and decision to merge events, people and situations together and form destiny.

I love life!

All in good time

I went to Serendra with ate Les and Tin today. While we were having coffee, I had a little talk with them again and I really do love our little talks.This time, we talked about managing your time, charity works, microfinancing and the "Pareto" principle.

Nowadays, I am getting busier and busier by the day. Although people may not think so because I am not in college as of the moment, I am truly caught up in so many things and I am enjoying every minute of it. I am now learning the dlicate art of managing time. It really pays to do so. To make a rough outline of your day and being able to accomplish it feels so good especially when you see that you reap the benefits.

Although sometimes i feel so sick of where i am (the Phils.) I know that i should just be patient because the weaving of the delicate fabric of time cannot be rushed. I know I am being led to where i am supposed to be. As I make my way towards success, I do want to share my rewards with the world wherever i am.


With regards to charitable works its best that you do it even when you are just starting to earn money. While you get richer, the more you give too... It really depends on you on what percentage of your income you want to give to people but to start it would be a good idea to share around 10% of your income for donation. If you start giving even when you are not yet that productive, you will develop the habit of giving and it will be apart of your benevolent priniciples for the rest of you life.

One person I look up to because of his pioneering heroic effort toward the poor is Muhammad Yunus. He started the idea of microfinance through micro credit. He lent around $47 to a group of women who made furniture out of bamboo and the rest was history so to speak. He made an effort to eventually put up a microfinancing bank named the Grameen bank focused solely on giving out loans for the poor as a means of capital, housing, education and etc. He gave so much trust to these poor people who had the willingness to venture on to start their own business and he opened up the biggest opportunity of them just to that. This way of helping the poor is fulfilling because you are able to help people without making them dependent on you for support in the long run.


"Everything you give, you will get ten fold", this I truly believe. This saying is also illustrated through the Pareto principle or the law of the vital fews. This law states that 80% of the effect of anything comes from just 20% of the cause. e.g. If you give 10% of your your income, you get around 40% more in return through the workings of the universe. Of course, your rewards will always come unexpectedly.

I love how everything revolves and connects with everything else. I know that all will come and go at its perfect time.

Color Personality

Samantha, your true color is Brown!
You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

Funny how my personality here is so accurately said. I think I am really a brown, my brown hair and eyes are added pluses to show that it is really all in sync. I am very happy with my color.

If my eyes could speak

I took a tickle test about what my eyes say about me and this is what came out. I do believe tat my eyes are my biggest asset and I am very thankful for them. take the test too guys! Follow the link. Its fun... :D

Samantha, your eyes say you're Marvelously Mischievous

Playful gals like you make it their business to find the fun in life. Whether it's hosting an impromptu dinner party or heading out the door at 11 p.m. for a spontaneous getaway, you can be counted on to stir up the unexpected.Your lighthearted and fun approach holds true when it comes to your eyes and makeup, too. Whoever came up with the term "batting your eyelashes" probably had a gal like you in mind. In fact, you can probably captivate a whole roomful of people with your eyes alone. Consider it your secret weapon!

Learn How to Say NO!

Having peope just keep on telling their own dilemmas in life to you, its draining really. Its okay to hear people out right? I mean to feel them and all but to constantly tell a person all of your problems as they come along, it will make that person feel heavy.

I always get into one of these things, i don't know why! I have to stop entertaining these things lest I WILL get affected and my life will not be able to run smoothly anymore. Maybe I get stuck right dang in the middle of these things because I am a pleaser. I please people too much to the point that I dont realize that my internal self-reserved happiness gets used up.

I do have to learn how to say NO, especially when I have a lot of things to finish within the day. I have to finish my itinerary first before talking to anyone or doing anything. I have to keep myself centered at all times so that I wont be rattled by any outside information and consequently stir of course.

RESERVE SOME FOR YOURSELF SAMANTHA.......Haaaay! Geez!

Learning the Hard Way

We really gotta learn the hard way sometimes. Experience can really shape a person up..... Sometimes things just hit you unexpectedly at the back with a sharp, piercing stab. Things that you don't see coming really get the most of you..... But these things are boosters, they mold people.
When for example you feel shitty about a certain event in your life, give yourself the leverage to be pissed of about it at first. Hey WE ARE HUMAN! Its totally normal to release all that newfound tension away from our systems. But after that annoyment period, look to the bright side because there is ALWAYS ONE. Be your own "psychiatrist". Analyze yourself. Ask the foreboding question "....so, how do you feel about that?" hahahah!
At the end of it all, these things will be eye openers for you to deliberately open a window of maturity. It will make you innocent no more and enable you to stand for yourslef and talk with conviction of what you are saying. You have to have all bases covered and have good reasoning skills. Question after question to lead you to genius! heheh....

What Comes with the Rain.....

Currently Listening
Too Little Too Late - Barenaked Ladies



I just received this beautiful comment from my previous blog via multiply.com from Jeanie. It was one of the most uplifing things that I have received the whole day! Just the thing to shift my mood.

"Bloom sweetie...as you should :) the rains are comin' and it may bring forth tears...but it will also water your life and heart that it may grow as it should. Twas a wonderful blessing meeting you. I do hope to see your sweet smile around more often :) "

After reading this, I just felt so much greatful for all of the blessings that have come into my life. I do not regret anything that I have involved myself in. I am very much fulfilled come to think of it.
Now comes the rain after the sunny (unusual) summer season. I am ready for it. I embrace it now.
Like the late RIVERMAYA's song... Umaaraw, Umuulan.... it connotes the ups and downs of life but really it will only be an "UP" or a "DOWN" only if ou define it to be. Everything is what you make of it and it is up to you to interpret.
Everybody is going through change now even the band Rivermaya itself. Rico Blanco has officially quit the band in pursuit of a solo career in acting and singing. This big controversial action of his can be a booster or a downer for both him and his band. Rico's career will be most awaited, and people will give symapthy to the other band members, surely the band's new singer will be welcomed by the public as well.
History repeats itself. Bamboo left the band before and now Rico has too. Other band members have been replaced along the line too but one thing is for sure, the name of the band still holds on through thick and thin.
My point in presenting all of this is to show all of you that this is simply the cycle of life. We can't stick to one thing forever... we all have to grow, thats why the rain brings in so much room to grow into..... And that is what comes with the rain....

Sometimes

Sometimes, I admit, I still miss him to the point of blankness

Sometimes, I become obsessed in fast forwarding time to the point that we do indeed "meet again"

Sometimes, I want everything in between to pass...
But...

Where will that leave me? It will leave me in an abandoned place, full of false hopes and stagnant air. I will not be able to breathe. I will resist change and I will resist seeing how beautiful life is. I will be angry and miserable. I will feel like the lowest piece of shit in this world.

So.... Is it worth fantasizing about you? or shall I henceforth continue? I'd take the latter for the heck of it. This life is to sweet to make it bland. I am now under the sun, strutting my greens like its newly sprouted. I shall not let anyone, or any feeling (for this matter) make everything turn brown and gray. Oh wind, wisp, blow me into the thin air...... :D

Next Plans

Hahaha! I posted my mind movie on you tube and it will soon be available. Aaaah I am so happy that I was able to post it grabe! It is so fulfilling to be able to make something that you really worked so hard on and finally be able to share it to the world.

My mind movie made me realize so many things. Not only personal and self-uplifting matters but also technical stuff for my education. I had Ate Leslie look at my video for a while. She said it was nice. For a person who once was apart of the editing business... that comment was somewhat flattering. She says I can make it with study and practice. So I have this new plan and I am writing it right now as a formal petition to the universe.

Ate Les said that she thinks it is time for me to start studying, which i agree with. I think I should start short courses in photoshop already.... get used to the whole graphic art feel. She says that I should experience it until I get sick of it if I want to.

I think eventually I might get sick of it because truthfully its a very time consuming job! It took me about 4 hours to complete just half of my video so maybe a total of 8 hours for the whole thing and imagine that was just a freaking 4 min. clip! Wow! I never knew it would be so tedious to be an editor.

After taking these short courses for these programs, i might even finally buy my mac! Maybe a mac mini. I saved enough money already to pay for half. So I might ask my parents to pay for the other half. It'll be really good to have my own work space and eventually when I have practiced enough and have built my porfolio I will get a graphic design job! It is all so freaking exciting dude! ... Oh well here goes SOMETHING! heheh!

Come and Go

People, they come and go in each others' lives really. Just when you were getting so used to that person in front of you, just when things were starting to jive, this is when a big shift comes. A shift that will rattle your inside outs and will compel you to enter into the acceptance zone.

Fuck change sucks sometimes really. Its so bitter but as a hidden agenda it is very sweet. It makes you realize your full potential, it makes you stronger, more experienced. It has the tendency to sweep out the innocence in you which may be good or bad depending on the situation. It can give you a straining headache that you do not want to last. It can make you listen to itunes all day thus resulting to yet another sad playlist... what the hell....

But after all shitty thoughts there comes new life... new scenes to compare to the previous ones hahah! Then comes the laughing part where you laugh at your acting self while in that "emotional" scene hehhe...

Still some stories still have a continuation but only after something in between that past and the future that you are expecting.

Main point of this all is just to go with the flow of everything and be focused on the now that you are trying to build. haaay! i just wish i could block my peripheral vision hheheh!

Poker Night

Yesterday, well technically a few hours ago I was feeling very weird, a bit "sad" too (as showed in my last entry) but it went a 180 degree turn and now I'm fine again but a bit queasy. I turned out to have so much fun over the last 24 hours and I think I am fine! heheh

I was just wishing to meet some new people yesterday. I said to myself that spending time with my highschool friends made me want to meet even more friends. :D So I think in every level of my being i was able to attract that exact event. I DID meet some new people yesterday. I met Chubi, Lex and Buddy. Some friends of friends. I had a ton of fun!

These people are very interesting indeed. Chubi is a TV personality. (Thats why Ches was telling me to get his autograph before I met him and why he looked so familiar! hahah). Lex is Chubi's friend and a cool dude. Buddy is a real estate broker and is cool too.

We had drinks in Gerry's grill to celebrate Chubi's bday and then went to their place to play some poker. It was my first time to play and learn the game. Lex taught me. While we were playing I was just playing for the sake of it and not really thinking about it. I turned out to be a good player and i won second place. It was a blast and the players were awesome. Because of me we had to go home late at around 6am waaah! It was actually sunrise while we were on the road.

This whole thing made me realize that there are amazing people out there. All with different personalities and you can learn something out of all of them. I just shouldn't be shy and lay my cards on the table. Say and act out "who i am". Not everyone will like you but who gives a shit! We are all on different frequencies anyway. Conforming to society just sucks bigtime and I have more to live for.

So in poker terms... "All in!" hahah! wooohooo....

Bipolar

Yesterday my day was as bipolar as ever. I couldn't comprehend what i was going through.

It all started with the night before yesterday. I read Harry Potter 6 and I was on the part where Dumbledore dies. The way he died is still vivid in my memory until now. It was really heart wrenching. I couldn't help but tear up once again. I didn't even notice myself starting to cry.

The next morning. I woke up late. and everything was wrong in a way.

I got to the tricycle station and it took ages before i finally heard the sound of a roaring engine. When I was at the gate waiting for a jeep it also took another century before the jeepney came.

I was cranky after that. When I arrived at my student's place, low and behold "that" was there. That had just woken up. That looked tired and sad. I lost concentration and was spaced out most of the time from the point where that came out. I have to tell that the truth since that would be leaving soon. I became dreamy the whole day thinking of scenarios in which that and I would be talking. Oooooh boy! If only that knew.

So on Thursday I will confront that just the way I should.

Anyway, for the rest of my day it was the exact opposite. I saw my highschool friends again since it was Gladys' b-day. I was so happy to have seen them. We had dinner, went to the arcade (relived our childhood), and had icecream. I really enjoyed their presence but after the encounter I can say that I am ready to meet even more people and find something to compare the people i know too.I want to be exposed to other lifestyles and other kinds of people.

I had fun, pure fun with my highschool friends still.

I went home feeling a but weary. I felt both happy and irritable. I cried it out then slept early. Now I regained enough strength to be able to analyze myself curiously and now I can say that i can alter my whole person in a snap of a finger willingly if I wanted to but i guess I want to live out my drama for some reason.

So to anyone who thinks it crazy or strange, stay away leave me alone and let me live it. Theres room for more than one kind of experience here. But just to reassure you. I am fine. I am still "the outer eyes of myself"

Having My Phone Repaired

I was planning to go to Greenhills thi s morning to have my cellphone fixed. I planned to go after meeting Dianne in SM centerpoint to get some music sheets from her. When I went up to the place that we were supposed to meet, she wasn't there yet and her lateness became an unexpected blessing. I checked out the opinion of the guys at he repair shops in SM; to my advantage the repair shops were at the same floor Dianne and I were to be meeting. So I went around. At the end of my inquiries I found out that to convert my cellphone's frequency to that of the Phils, it really costed 1500 even if i went to Greenhills. So I decided to have it repaired in SM. The technician said that I had to wait for 2 hours for it to be fixed. So, I waited. I hung out in Wendy's. I was getting bored at first and I was wondering whether to figure out my guitar lesson plan with chris first... I decided that it was the perfect time to read the secret. I went about my business reading and it was very inspiring indeed!

When I came back for my phone, I tested it downstairs with the technician first to see if it responded to a signal. While we were waiting for the signal, we ended up chatting first.

He was nice and cool to talk to. I learned that he managed to be a technician just by self studying and watching from an expert. He didn't even graduate from college and now he lives on a high paying job (he was given a good offer by the company).

I gained hope because of his story and now I am confident enough to continue what i am doing, to self study and not take up college first. I believe that a person can learn anything he or she wants even without college and we have CEOs and business leaders like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs to prove it.

I still have to get my phone on Thursday and i know it will work perfectly by the time I get it. Although i have to wait for it, I am so happy for this experience today. I remembered just enough for me to continue working on my visualization and get a knack of it.

So excited to get my phone! WOW! haaaay!

Tools

A human being only uses 10% of its brain. Did you know that? To tell you upright I only unraveled this fact lately and I got very surprised upon hearing it. Who would have known? I mean, when i get headaches i would think that my "CPU" is already taking too much information in and is in effect "loading" all the time but now that i know that we are not using our hardware to its full extent I am a bit disappointed.

We are only mere 3 dimensional beings. I used to think there was no one else more advanced than our own civilization but again i am proved wrong. I heard this story and you don't have to believe me if you dont want to because it sounds like science fiction but it can really make sense if you give it a chance to.

"Our DNA is orginally made up of 48 strands and not the 12 strands that we are accustomed of seeing. If it had been kept that way we would have been perfect beings capable of making no mistakes and consequently we would be using 100% of our brain. The reason behind our incompetence is because of an alien encounter that our earth had right after its new birth. The evil "others" altered our DNA making our whole species less evolved than it really is."

I am not saying that we are less special than anything else, its just that we all chose this planet we are in for experience. Although some may think there is no point in living this life because we are not as great as we should be, I think that this is our own "Love Jouney" right now and that we are on this quest to find out what we really are.

Enjoy the ladder set before you and you will fulfillingly die with grace and be reborn.

We can do anything we want. We should just be willing enough to learn about the different tools to choose from and create based on the function of these tools.

Blake Lewis - You give love a bad name

I just can't get enough of this song! of Blake! He is the epitome of uniqueness. I get a lot f inspiration from this guy. One of the coolest in AI so far for me.

Comfy?

I was thinking to myself one time that people who are really successful are very comfortable with themselves and with who they really are.

Take Pink for example. When she performed in American Idol this week you wouldn't say that she was little nice girl... oh no! She performed with all the angst, all the rocker grit. She wasn't carrying a "sexy" body. Well not the type most men think of as vavoom at least. Her body is very muscular and toned but if she didn't work out she would have looked like a big woman. Still she carries herself with dignity and anyone can see that she is proud to be who she is.

Queen Latifa is another good example. She just brings it wherever she is, whatever her state. She is so curvy and always gorgeous.

Really i believe we arent as fat as we think. "Fat" is all a state of mind. Ever wonder why there are some people who never get fat no matter what they eat? Its because they don't have fat thoughts at all.

I am now getting inspiration from people like the ones mentioned above. These people love their bodies and have high self esteem. This is how everyone should be responding to the way we see ourselves. We should find our bodies assets and be thankful for them, enhance all our one of a kind features and bring them to life.

Love your own skin because you should be comfy living in this physical life. If you accept yourself in all facets then you will feel free as a bird.

Day Spent Half-Half

This day was most unusual. never in my life have Spent half a day cleaning. WOW now that this day has ended and I look back at it, I feel really proud of myself and of chessy too (because she is the one I old responsible for domesticating me).

Being clean in all areas of your living space is very essential to quality living not only on the physical side but the spiritual side also. Now I know how much I am grateful for all the graces in my life including my neat and clean abode.

Today When i woke up i went straight to the laundry area and washed my clothes, then chessy and I cleaned the laundry area itself and got rid of all of the muck there. We then cleaned both the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms.Lastly, I swept the fllor in the room. I was so thatnkful today that we didnt have any tutor class.

THAT WAS THE FIRST HALF

After cleaning, we both decided to reward ourselves so we decided to watch Spiderman in Gateway.
First we had a scrumptuous hearty meal then we proceeded on to Gateway. When we got there we bought the tickets at once for the earliest show. We went to Dairy Queen got a couple of milkshakes that were worth every penny. For the highlight of the night we watched spideraman and to my opinion it was the best out of the three. James Franco is super HOT and is really nice in person. He is very friendly to his fans, (this is based on my dads encounter with him in hollywood... :D) There were so many enemies in this movie.

THAT WAS THE SECOND HALF

I love this day it was worth every minute. Rewards are important after a hard days work and you can feel them more gloriously after them. So, when you have a hard day, make the most out of it and give a white for every black... they are both beautiful shades really.....

Imploding Eyes

This day whas somewhat different from the others. I was alone throughout most of it. I thought I would enjoy my time considering the fact that I haven't been alone this long for ages.

At first it turned out ok, as noramal as any day would. I went to work, finished, went to eat lunch in Sweet Inspirations (a very satisfying meal, no doubt about it), went to National bookstore (to get the new pencil that I left) and then finally set my way home.

I was so excited to get home because I knew that there would be no one there and taht I had the internet, house, and computers all to myself. I then continued on to make a mind movie which was very fulfilling. For the first time I tried using Microsoft Movie maker and it was really fun! WOW!... i haven''t finished it yet though.

Throughout the day expected myself to have brought my mood to a indelibly good one but it just so happened that "Mas" my alter ego gripped me again. I began to hover a bit over my little worries and i felt sweetly sad because of some reality that has dawned on me and that i cannot really prevent. Aiports constantly encompass the same emotion that i was feeling a while ago.

I wanted to cry just of it but i couldn't. So my eyes imploded instead. It was implosion to a strong degree also because of the amount of radiation that my eyes sucked in caused by my fiddling with the computer the whole day.

Ah my little drama! it can be an intant hit within a matter of seconds. My inner monologues amuse my half self sometimes. To the flipside it does the oposite to my egoic self.

What is a drama without a paradox right? To end this all of i must say that I really saw myself in that movie scene today and what I can say is that my acting sucks and i am a bit bored heheh!

Conclusion: "Find Something F***Kin useful to do!"

Right and Wrong

This day started out right I felt very optimistic. I went to my tutor class, had a little surprise was happy to see "you know who" . Then, after class and the sweltering heat while walking, I went straight to Gateway and bought "The Secret". I did know that the video version of this is phenomenal. What i didn't know was how much MORE phenomenal the book was.

The book just opened up but not slowly. My pace while reading it was so smooth but really exciting at the same time. It was like I was reading something I always knew but was now manifesting itself in front of me.
The main theme of the book is that "Thought creates your own reality" and furher n throughout the day the Universe really showed me what it meant.

I spent around four hours in Coffee Bean reading. My sister came in and we spent a good time just talking. After that I went home and the opposite of the sweltering heat presented itself.... It actually rained! Hard for that matter.

Whe i came home I bathed and after doing what I planned, I felt so sleepy but i was resisting it. Because of that, i felt so weak. Then i read I quote sent to me online.

"If you think that your day is going bad, I am the voice that tells you to shift and rock on!" - The Universe

So NOW I am writing this and now I see that thought really does do everything. EVERYTHING.