Old Men

I have this thing with old men. I always cry when I see or watch something on TV about an old man who is suffering from pain whether its physical or emotional. I think it is because, these men have experienced a lot of "repenting" throughout their lives. Men do have more escapades and rendezvous more than women have.

I get cracked up even more whenever I see an old man who is a widower. I sense this kind of silent mourning erupting within them. Its at that point in their lives when they realize that they do truly love their spouses and that they are so alone without them. Living with these women for practically their whole lives made them grow into their spouses' characters and thus they find completion in their being only with their spouses' presence. Perhaps they would want to die already and follow onto the next life, some do. Some, however, accept that they still have to stay on this earth and live up to their higher purpose, live til they fulfill their mission. Some reminisce and acquire a deep insight because of their reflections.

Significant incidences such as the death of our loved ones increase our awareness and make us appreciate life even more. It doesn't take a strained effort to have your inner eye opened, it will just will automatically.

I had this keen observation yesterday when I watched Avril Lavigne's Video "When you're gone". I'm not really an Avril fan but of course since her video is always in demand on MTV, I just happened to lend my attention to her. I saw an old man with the description fitted above. he was one of the characters in the video. I felt pity for him and teared up, unexpectedly. I knew it was just a little eye dropper moment but then something totally uncomprehendable happened.... I cried, like a baby..... I cried so hard that my sinuses clogged up, then the recent events in my life just passed through my head. I was specifically affected by my longing to see my dad, the only man in my immediate family. I have not seen him in 6 years, and counting, but I don't want to count any further.

It dawned on me that i really miss my parents and I miss their guidance. I do not have a clue what life fixture i chose upon entering this lifetime as this spiritual entity but I do know that the universe has my back and that it knows my deepest desires. One way or another, i WILL see my parents soon.

I cried myself to sleep yet when i woke up, its as if nothing happened to me. I was fine and its not a lie.

These past few days have been about acceptance, gratitude, faith and most of all..... PATIENCE. Everyone has to be patient and well dead set on each of their endeavors and i think I am. If i am having a hard time, what more the old man in the video or the picture? They are just waiting for a call from the light.... devotedly they wait for a new beginning from the doors leading ti the afterlife......