What's good for me is good for you

I like spending time alone and i know that everyone knows that about me. I am what people would call a MONENG. hahahahh! I used to think of myself as selfish whenever I do it and I have always wondered why I love doing it....

I have pondered upon this self issue and have realized that the reason why I do it is because I develop myself. Everyone wants to know more about themselves right? If other people think that i overdo it then they are totally wrong. I believe that the reason we are here on this earh is to know and experience who we are through the events that occur in our lives. We are the ones who choose these events for the sculpting fo our own being.

When I seclude myself alone, like a journeyman, I am putting myself in a whole new world in a whole new surrounding so that I may think things over. The imapact of a persons experiences are determined by the state of the person when it happens to them.

With this habitual isolation from the world i grow. Defining yourself is not conceited because only through that can you be better for others as well. If I were to face you yesterday I wouldnt be what i am today. Yesterday I would have been a bitch but now I am not.

What is good for me is good for everybody else that i encounter in my life.

I can't sleep

I am in a state where I know that i want to sleep but that there are so many thoughts that are running through my head that I cannot seem to let go of. I need to manifest them in another form and i think that this entry would just be it.

Today, I went to IHMC to have band practice with Euphonia and our friend judy. At first we were a bit tense considering the fact that we were put under time constraint and once again that we are cramming the next band guest performance for the 28th. When we went on practicing however, we became more comfortable and we were having fun.

Its like it was a snippet of being in highschool all over again! I have to admit i miss highschool. I never thought that i really would. These people become part of your blood. A part of you.

Its great that in highschool people manage to know each other very well.... and they make an effort to do so. i think it has something to do with people being young and adventurous when at that age. When people grow up they become involved witht their egos and fears and become afraid to reveal themsleves sometimes.

So I have noticed that even people you know are afraid of meeting other people...

Its just a matter of being out there.Anyway, today.. (since its 1:40 am na) is also my quartet/band's anniversary. We have been together for a year and we are still rockin on! I am so happy that we have kept our ties.... we are still whole up till now. I hope we will be for a long time....

I am getting sleepy night!

Voices

It is just quite difficult to distinguish the difference between your intuition and your mind. The voices sound the same, in the same intonation.

They do say however that your intuition is the first one that tells you to do something without hesitation. They also say that your mind is the one who contradicts that and tells you to do otherwise making you deviate from yourfirst thought. But, what if your minds messages of anxieties was your intuition as well?

Oh life! Sometimes i just want to start anew. Whenever I get into these trifle dilemmas i want to repeat this lifetime with a whole new beginning.

I guess that going through your everday troubles just means having guts. One has to be strong enough to face what lies beyond what you cannot see from your own perspective right now.

Your mind is equal to fear. Sometimes one has to be fearless and fierce, sometimes one has to be wary. small glimpses of fear is not always bad, it makes you think of the worst case scenario. It makes your whole self be prepared for anything. One cannot say what is possible to happen since so many identities are being sculpted at the moment of now.

Waddling and absorbing fear, however, can cause your whole life to alter. People tend to stay stuck in their comfort zones refusing to budge with much conviction
I would rather live my life ou tto the fulest whatever happens. I have to stop making my heart beat so fast at the thought of death. I have to look at its core and burst out laughing at the sight of it. The irony is that everyone will die anyway at their chosen times and as of now i am alive. I choose to be. :D

Moving OUT!!!

After a long wait, we are finally moving out! There are boxes everywhere in this house, trucks come and go. I just can't believe this is happening oh so fast! There are many advantages and disadvantages with moving to Cainta. I shall now present each of them....

Advantages:

• We will be living near a mall!!!!! -----MOVIES BABY! :D and of course SHOPPING!!!!
• I will have a bigger room! wooohooooooooooooooo!
  
• I will have more space to make my artwork
• There are a lot of CHEAP convenieance stores around

Disadvantages:

• I will lose a student... ( Peter Choi)
  
• it is more expensive to go to places where other people are.
• Ang layo!!!!!

Oh well the ratio is 4:3, i guess advantages win! I am ready for a new life in a new place at a new home. Change is the only unchanging thing.

It is just a bit sad that you inevitably have to be displaced from one comfort zone to another. Once you get a system working or once you have a routne for the day, that is when the winds drag you forcefully to another place. Well i wouldn't want to resist the forces. These things they give MEANING to the stages in your life. Imagine if there was nothing pushing us to move on, we would just be stuck in one place without even wishing to go on.

COMFORT=FEAR sometimes I view it that way. We can get so scared to get out of our shells sometimes. I suppose it is time to react to it in a different way. Maybe things will turn out better if we are filled with excitement for every next experience.

Hmmm... nah! It would be better to have a combinatioon of both being reminscent and excited. We can keep the memories of the past and loook forward to what is in store for us.

Dunno What to expect???... Don't expect at all...

I went to my student Peter's house the other day. When I got there, once again he had not showered and he felt very uncomfortable. He wasn't able to freshen up after school because his room was locked and he did not have the key. Naturally, we still had to continue with our session.

He was totally not in the mood to study because i am sure that he felt uneasy and sticky. I don't think he was even able to eat.

He was grumpy the whole session and it thus became the worst meeting I have had with him so far. He wasn't paying attention and we were both unhappy to HAVE to spend our time with each other just because of the agreement I had with his mother.

I became pissed after that and I was thinking of totally giving up as being his academic tutor.

Yesterday, it was quite the contrary. He was willing to study so much. Its as if he was gifted with a natural aptitude for his schoolwork. It was so easy to teach him!

I now notice that I have been to the extremes with this kid in the span of two days!

Because of these situations I now have a trick up my sleeve, I should not have expectations of any kind. These things are to be treated like an adventure that you are about to embark on. This way you will roll with the wheel and feel the pleasure of the way things are at a given moment.

Naning!

I just realized that I miss my dad soooo much. I went to my uncle's party yesterday. He is my dad's best friend. When I saw him its like I was looking at my dad. They are just sooo alike its scary! The way they dress is the same; the way they move and bring themselves is just so fatherly to me.

I sang for my tito last night, "Somewhere" and "Moon River" as well.

Oldie songs have a different feel to them. As my sister said, songs are like time capsules, they save a moment in time that you are not currently in and they bring you back to remember it. Songs are so amazing that even though you were not even born during the time when it was composed or released in public, you still know its vibe.

I can tell that my uncle enjoyed watching me sing... I saw his eyes and they were soft and happy.

Because of my reminiscent nostalgic mood yesterday, I dreamt of my dad last night. I dreamt that he died and that I was grieving for such a long time because I wasn't able to see or be with him for about 3 years already.

I woke up with my pillow wet because it was kind enough to absorb my tears. I was so relieved to discover that it was all just a DREAM ...

Haaay! Parents! Sometimes you miss them so badly but sometimes you want to go on your way separate from them as one discovering things on your own. The divine dichotomy.....

The Sweetest Thing

"Ain't love the sweetest thing...."

Currently Listening to:
"The Sweetest Thing" by U2

I wake up in the morning and unexpectedly fiddle with the computer, there take a look at the time website and see the 50 coolest sites. I search for an art site and go to links leading me to illustration friday.com. It's so cool that I decide to plan a new website dedicated only to art. ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")


Next Gwen invites me to tag along with them to go to SM. When I got there... I saw professional art materials and finally find out their price so i can save up for them! ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

Gwen footed the bill for our Wendy's lunch! ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I edited a poster for my Kuya... and listened to U2's album at the same time... ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I witness my student crying for the first time, tried to comfort him and prayed for him on the spot. >> Lost 40 mins of studying because of it.<< ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I talked to my cousin about her silly ventures in life and had fun with the conversation! ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I talked to two former classmates from my highschool batch and gave them advice. ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I have healed, talked, taken in the discomforts of other peoples lives.... i feel drained but great at the same time. I think I just might draw tomorrow or finish my template design. I dunno but everything that has happened made me feel just ...."The Sweetest Thing" hahhahah!

NOTE: THIS ALL HAPPENED TODAY!!!!

Sleeping and dreaming myself to truth

Just Watched:
"The Wild"

I just watched Disney's the wild. Twas ok. Truthfully I may say that i was expecting more for a Disney movie but everything may have some flops sometimes right. It's just plainly nature's law. It was still funny and cute of course.

Back to my topic. DREAMING

The last dream that I remembered was one mixed up dream that was filled with different short stories. I suppose that was how I was feeling two days ago. Many things were in my head.

First I dreamt that I was in my cousin's house, I slept over and we really bonded a lot.

Next, I dreamt that two very dear friends who were a couple broke up because the other one gambled and that they promised to each other that not ne of them would EVER gamble. I tried to hear both sides. One of them really wanted to talk to me about it that although she was a very busy girl she still followed me to where I was scheduled to go that day and tried to tell her story to me.

Lastly, I dreamt that I went to the INXS concert with some of my relatives, Since it was so crowded there we opted to watch the concert at home instead because it was aired LIVE on television (even though we had front row tickets)

I can say that my dreams that night were a bit vague but I still liked them none the less. I read that dreams are the means by which our souls project into different places. It may happen in the future. It may also be an event that is to happen in the future given that we choose a different path. It may also be something that happened in our past lives.

One thing is for sure in dreams, they show us our deepest desires. They show us who we really are without the physical infuence being imbedded into us. They say that the tired soul likes to dream a lot. That is because the soul is free when it dreams. It is free to choose whatever scenario they want to portray theirselves in without anything stopping them.

So I think that we should always dream 24/7 or all the "time". Anywhere we are we should dream and lose all thought and connection with fear. In dreams we love. In dreams we are noble and brave. In dreams we KNOW where we want to go. Stick by them and they'll lead you right to your own plan for yourself.

How I think history should be presented to us?

Currently listening to:
"Tell me Baby" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers


History a subject so inevitable to tackle up especially in grade school and high school. I remember the droning monotome voice of my past teachers. Truthully I do find it interesting but thanks to some of my teachers it became a bit of a waste of time, plus.. why do we have to dwell on the past so much?

After I then realized that the passing on of information may not be so accurately done. Think of it as this way.....

The Bible, it is a book of compiled stories of the ancient peoples witness of the coming of the Son of Man. Who wrote it? Many people did. When did they exactly write it? We don't really really know. This is the best question... How are we so sure that the information that was written years and years ago did not alter? How are we so sure that it wasn't changed all over the years. Those stories have been passed by so many people and we don't know how keen they were on presenting the whole TRUTH of what happened.

Its just like "tsismis". A perfect way to prove that its just like gossip is by playing Chinese whispers. The game is simple. Think of a phrase then pass the message on to the person beside you through whispering. The message cannot be repeated once it is said. I guarantee you that the last person who receives the message wll say the most far off phrase form the first one and your whole group will have an abdominal workout while laughing.

So... How are you so sure that HIS Story is not different form OUR Stories at the present time. :P

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

It says here that my eyes "should" be brown and what do you know! I do havce brown eyes! I am so happy to say that I am very thankful for all my features in by face and body. I believe that they really are a part of me.

Through the grape vine

"Squishing grapes to juice them is the first step to making the delectable taste of wine"

This is another way of saying when you are being pressured it is just another way of bringing out the best in you.

For the past few months during vacation and a short time after, I have been pressured to my full extent. I think if I am not mistaken that this is the most pressured I have ever felt even more than I was in school. I was not given that certain feeling by other people. They did not impose it on me. I am doing it to myself ironically. That is to say, I am doing it because of the influence of my surroundings.

Since I have not been given the privilege to study for a few months now I am anxious by the fact that I have not been advancing in schoolwork. Truthfully, before these series of events happened, I wished this. I never knew that I would feel like this. I thought that it would kind of be like I would be having an extended vacation of some sort. Or maybe, i would just spend time doing things that would interest me and hopefully hone my talents before it is time to use it once again.

I am thankful of my friend Paula because she reminded me that I should not deserve this torture. She told me that she knows that I am just resting my talents for now because I suppose that I have overused them for the past decade and a half. I can compare them to a dormant volcano that is ready to explode but is just not showing it. Now i am slowly getting back on track. Opportunities have come out from hiding and now I have been painting and teaching for income.

I am getting there. I am molding a whole new world to live in. I am off to go.

Socializing

For the past few days now, I have been socializing with groups of people. It has been so fun and exciting in a way.

Yesterday i hung out with Paulina's Cebuano friends again. It was so nice of them because they shared dimsum with me. It was so freaking good man! SO DIFFERENT. It was cool because now I kind of understand their converstaions betterthan when I last hung out with them. I just catch a few Bisaya words that are derivations of Tagalog and sometimes I get the meanings of what they say through facial expressions and stuff. It was cool! It was like looking at a whole different culture and how they express themselves but at the same time manage to relate witht them as well...

The other day, I went to Charlaine's debeut. Wonderful party! It was simple and open. It was wacky and insane. It was just as it should be. There were emotional times in it. There were arcane times. hahah!

I realized during those moments how I really missed my friends and the company that I got used to having for 4 freaking years. I suppose it will never be the same. If it were the same though I wouldn't miss them as much. You know the feeling when you want those moments back sooo badly because they will never come back. I just thought about that and now I realize that I don't want them back because if they are back i might not appreciate it as much as I do now. I may just find it as the NORMAL thing that i usually face everyday. It will thus be nothing to cherish anymore. I say keep things at that.

Anyway I am happy that I got to mingle with these groups. I had a blast!

I am Back part 2

I never thought that my adventure learning about marine wildlife would start in a restaurant. Rea and Noel started elaborating on how diving was so fascinating and that once you start it would be difficult to stop. They even said something that really intrigued me. They said that diving is the closest to flying. How ironic can that be right? He said that when you are in the water going against the current and you ride the current back to where you were, it’s like you are gliding.

What I concluded out of this short statement is that the sea and the atmosphere are the same even though they are made out of different stuff. I just gave my full focus of that thought and was bewildered by God’s amazing talents.

After having a more than decent meal we went back to our accommodation and had a little drinking session with my friend MUDSLIDE! Yumm! We then talked about diving and about the medical world where Rea and Noel happened to be in. After those countless stories in the emergency room (which are too long to elaborate further) we finally put an end to our long tiring day.

The morning after we went straight to Batangas. When we came to the resort, we immediately we changed into our bathing suits and hopped on to the boat.

The boat ride was indeed intense for the waves were growing freaking bigger and bigger. When we finally came to the spot, we snorkeled under the sea.

At first I had a hard time breathing through the mask but I got the hang of it eventually. Woe and behold lay beautiful creatures of the sea mingling with each other by their beautiful homes. Although it was a bit dark we still managed to see quite a lot and I can say that it was indeed FANTASTIC. I saw NEMOS AND DORIES! In actual life! I saw a few other fishes that were very colorful and unique.

If my sister hadn’t called me up onto the boat I would have stayed there forever.

The adventure I thought was over but to my surprise something quite amusing happened, we got STUCK! We were stranded for a while on another shore because it rained like it was the end of the world. It wasn’t just pitter patter but it was PLOK PLOK PLOK PLOK PLOK with sand. It was like being lashed but by ants all over your body. To make use of the time I was just laughing my ass off!

I am Back part 1

I have not been blogging for a while now… simply because I have not had any ideas. The last supposed entry I was gonna write about has passed me by. I do not remember the details about it that much and it was a bit crazy soooo… I will just let that be. I am not meant to share it with the public I guess.

This entry though, I cannot let that happen to this entry coz I am BACK! I am in the mood to write again… My mind is overflowing with concepts. My creativity is oooozzzzing back towards where it wants to be.

I have been in a solitary state for a few weeks now. Solitary in a sense that, I have not thought of anything original to do, draw, sing, or say. Not that I have been a useless piece of wreckage it’s just that I have been scattered.

What triggered me to going back is this weekend of spontaneity. It started like all weekends do. I had a plan to got to Batangas with Gwen, Kuya and Bine-Bine but I did not have any expectations.

Saturday morning, I was trying to complete a concept in my head about some art project I was doing for Kuya Robbie. I ended up reading Eragon the whole morning. After lunch, early afternoon, I came to a part in the book where something MAJOR happened but I had to go to national bookstore and buy poster paint. SO I took a bath changed then went. Paulina came along with me.

When I entered the bookstore I went straight to the paint section and got the necessary colors I needed. Went to the professional paint section then AGAIN to look at the prang watercolors that were there. It was a bit expensive but Paige convinced me to get it. I got a big piece of watercolor paper to go with it as well.

I came home then I tested it. It was really cool I loved it. I then packed because we were about to leave for Tagaytay. (Our first stop before Batangas)

We went to a Belo clinic to meet up with Kuya’s friends Rea and Noel because we were riding with them.

When we reached Tagaytay and ate in Josephine’s. I learned a whole lot about diving there. It was very interesting to hear about. I was itching to learn more. Thus that moment was the start of my adventure.

Unraveling me

Who would have ever thought that I would miss highschool this much? Its weird! I wanted to get out of it soooo badly now I want it back soooo badly! Now incredibly I know how it feels. When I was heatedly in it.. I often wondered how people manage to miss highschool when it gets so hectic and annoying. Now I know that once you are out of it, it becomes so likely to be something that triggers nostalgia for a home you've known how to get around in for 12 years.

Everything has been haunting me.. but I have to manage a way to find a whole new life... I am now starting GRADUALLY. I am moving out of my comfort zone toward another mundane realm that seems at first glance... very CRAZY. This is how I can know how special I can be and how special everyone is. This is how I can discover that we are all really ONE and that there is never anything to fear except fear itself. It is time to spend energy wisely now. It is not time to waste energy being angry and anxious. It just inconcievable. I have better things to do.

It will never be the same now. I do not want it to. I want to move on to another part of the uncovering me.

Bono Boboed experience!

My sister Gwen went to the states for a two month vacation this last April-May. When she came home to the Philippines, she told me about an encounter she had in the Florida airport. While they were there, my niece Sabine wanted to have her picture taken with the Snow White Statue nearby. While she was having her picture taken by her Dad, my sister saw a man walk by who looked EXACTLY like Bono. She came nearer then she observed the man more closely. Since she knew that I was an avid supporter of U2, she took out her camera and went even nearer. They were just two one and a half meters apart when she overheard a man saying… “Nah that couldn’t be him!” She was also skeptical since she saw Bono with short hair, he was alone, and he was short. So being in her position, she dismissed the idea that the man COULD be BONO PAUL HEWSON of U2.

After she told the story we didn’t talk about it anymore. But then….

Yesterday while we were talking together, I talked to her about the Conan O’ Brien show that featured U2 the whole night and the Today show the morning after. I was telling her that I was really attracting the energy for any new of U2 to be heard by me. I was telling her that the people around me tell me of U2’s appearances on TV without me even asking them to. Then in the middle of the talk, I casually stated that Bono had been featured on the Today show because he was in Africa for some humanitarian works and that he had his hair shortened maybe because it was hot.

Gwen said, “What! You said his hair was short! That was the main reason why I didn’t bother talking to the guy!” I said, “WHAT! But he was in New York! Meaning he might have stopped over Florida!”
We went gaga!!! We then found out that Florida was on the tip of America!!!!, and that Africa was just on the lower right side, with no other island to stop over in between!.... When Gwen also found out that he wasn’t really that tall and after she saw the pictures of Bono and the outfits he liked wearing… She was really convinced that it was him…

For more tangible proof that it was really Bono… we found out that Florida had really been a stop over for humanitarian groups when they would travel from America to Africa. We found out that my sister had been in the airport on May 22 and that Bono arrived in Africa on May 22 as well…

To my surprise, I cried! I was overwhelmed! Because at the time when the incident happened… I had my strongest desire ever to meet Bono… So… mark my words…. I WILL MEET HIM! I ALREADY HAVE MET HIM! It is only a matter of how I move through time but I do now that it has ALREADY happened…

Pink Panther

I watched the movie Pink Panther Today, the new one with Steve Martin and Beyonce Knowles. I have observed that I like Steve Martin and his acting! He is sometimes overacting but that is what makes him unique! He is just so funny he makes my day! He just entertains so naturally as if he were programmed to do it! i just love it!

I have to lighten my blog entries man! they are too spiritual! Paulina reminded me to lighten m blog entries and I sure will! hahah! when i write about funny experiences I don't take them as anything lower than the emotional entries... for me they are ranked the same even tough they are totally different.

Anyway... I really want to watch all the classic pink panther movies as well... I love the cartoon it really fits... since the pink panther diamond always moves always out and about. I never really knew that the pink panther was a diamond... I thought it was a cartoon! hheheh!

One thing really interesting about the movie is the theme, the composition...... It was written by Henry Mancini... same person who composed Moon River. I am going to research about him and his works. My cousin said that he actually composed the themes for most of the movies of his time... that seems really cool.

10%

I have done something today that I have never done before. I have been wanting to do this for the longest time already and now I have and I am ecstatic. It has amounted to something that can stand forever for it great cause.

Do you know the one.org? It is an organization founded by one of the greatest ROCK STARS in the world, Paul Hewson or more popularly known as BONO. Because of this organization, I have been so curious about political affairs affecting the majority of the worlds population and those are the people who live in extreme poverty. Now this organization has not only done this to me but it has also helped me become more aware about the status of people who are in desperate need of help regarding to their health. Cancer, autism, and many other things.

Because of this initiating factor for my shift in consciousness I have been attracting this. I like reading the TIME magazine now. The book I am reading (conversations with God book 2) is tackling these issues as well.

These experiences helped me be more concerned on the welfare of the majority of the people. I know that I am just a tiny little particle in this big mass of universe but I BELIEVE that if every particle continues to work in the name of LOVE then everyone will be given fair chances, equal opportunities to grow and to contribute to help make the beauty of life evident for everyone to notice.

Because of all of these and all my realizations I have now re-acted in a different way in order to rectify myself and hopefully others as well... I have bought a cancer warrior ribbon and I have asked my sister to get me a one.org white band.

Although I did not exactly directly paid for the white band at least I asked my sister to do it for me as a graduation present.

I know that these little actions although tiny as they are have a big effect for me and on me. I am slowly discovering who and what I am.

10% of what you earn is what is used in accumulating money for taxes right? It is required right? Now I can say that although I am not working I am giving 10% voluntarily making someone elses life work 100% well.. Doesn't that feel good? :D

Discover yourself

I never thought that I would go back drawing again. I became stagnant for a while. After my graduation, I did nothing but read and play the guitar. I during the time of my graduation... I said that I wanted to take up fine arts. People know that I am musically inclined and by the looks of it some think that I am not as passionate about the arts as I am about music. I admit that I have made only a few paintings, portraits or artworks but I assure you when I make them I do them 100 percent. I show all of me. I give it all i have! As in everything.

When I stopped drawing I thought I would never have it again... but because of practice and my willingness... I have even made it better. I have grown! I don't think my creativity will stop because I want to create.. what is my own what I love. I love the arts!

Now I am so convinced that I am for the arts. I will do whatever it takes to make it there and reach as many people as I can. I want to merge what I know and what I feel to it that I may help other people and deliver a message...

I ask the Lord to guide me on this quest that I may show who I am through it.

While I have been discovering myself I have noticed that I should work hard and be patient. I should work in the moment and re-act to what nature says to me. I must be open-minded. I should not be afraid to let the cogs in me work how they naturally do.

Be patient and know that the end result is not the only thing that matters but what matters is the present moment the NOW.

My soul

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Being Self-centered as good in another perception

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself"... this is one of the summarized commandments according to the bible. I believe this 100 percent. I want to share to you how I do believe it.

I do not believe it in the sense that I am vain. (The picture doesn't imply what you think) I say that in order to love others and in order to appreciate others you must be able to love yourself. If you always keep that love, hold on to it and never let it falter then the relationships you encounter with others will go on more smoothly than you think. Example....

Lets say the reason you go into a relationship is in order to find completion and make yourself complete.... (That is what people ususally say right?) It will not help you to go into a relationship if this is the case. You will end up being co-dependent of each other and thus setting up "rules" to limit the freedom of the two people in a relationship. This will crush your soul. The "rules" will make the partner feel untrusted and will even (sometimes) deliberately go against them.

If you love yourself you are already complete... but you welcome more love because that is our natural purpose here, is to seek for love. Is to know that you are purely love.

Now if you go and find out who you are and who you want to be by getting into a reationship then this can work so well. If you want to show and stand up to say that you are a being who can share love and a being who knows how to love then things may turn out well... heheheh...

Observation

Long time no blog! I have been using my sisters macintosh computer lately and it is not very compatible with writing html yet so... Its been quite complicated. I have not blogged in quite a while and I really miss it.

Anyway... one thing I have reeally enjoyed doing nowadays is observing, observing EVERYTHING around me. It is so interesting indeed. It makes you look at the whole world as one big entity. When you scrutinize the specialties and intricacies of what people specifically love doing, you see how complex they are. thus, you get to appreciate the profession of everyone whether he/she be a rap star or a world renowned scientist. I feel so special when its like this. Here you get to see that everyone has a certain space in this world that no one would ever dare take. Each space should be respected because each space represents God and Gods creativity, which is soooooo beautiful!

But anaysis can sometimes be different from observation. Analysis is a thorough look at something including looking for reasons why this thing is like this and this that thing is like that and etc etc etc..... it can trick you sometimes to "judge" things you percieve. This would mean labelling something and thus killing its chance to stand out. For me, if you let people "work on" the things they start it would really mean a lot to them. It would be a hint that we are here in this world to support each other. We are here to give chances for everyone to shine and have a PROUD moment in ones life, one should never condemn ideas whether crazy or mundane. If you notice, those "CRAZY" ideas are those which make a stand when the majority of the people are evoved and enlightened enough to accept them.

Not Wanting More

Not wanting more than what you have especially when it comes to material things is really hard. I don't know before, whenever i would go somewhere and see something I want to have I always get uneasy and the frustration of not haveing that thing ruins my day. The truth is that I have seen through so many forms that I do get what I want but it comes at the specific time that it is NEEDED. I used to hate waiting for money to come I wanted it to come at once. Once I get it I ALWAYS get buyer's remorse when buying something. I always think that I ue my money so unwisely no matter what I get.

The thing that is making me feel this way truly is envy, jealousy. These two things usually create dissapointments which are worth putting your control over. These two things make you look at what you think you lack and all your pessimisms. These make me feel poisoned.

I do not like feeling these emotions but I ave chosen to feel them that I may know how good it feels NOT to feel them. Tis all apart of the life I have chosen to live. Now, I choose o live in satisfaction of what I have. Through this I can create beautifully with the means I have, with the appreciation of every single blessing given to me. Through this I can be me. The Sam worth seeing and the one who feels good with what she is doing. This sam is learning how to love herself and see that she is already beautiful without having to rely on material things for comfort with my life.

A Tribute to Chris Daughtry

I know people would think of me as very silly indeed by doing this but...I pay tribute to my bet for American Idol Chris Daughtry. I never thought that I would cry when he left the show. I feel extremely terrible indeed. I never saw it coming.

This was the first time that I ever cried just because of an elimination in a measly TV show! I think that he is a great person. and that he is deserving of all his success. He is ture to himself and not afraid to show it.

He is a guy who always looks on to the bright side and he accepts constuctive criticisms very well taht every week that he comes out, he blows out the show with a very WOW performance.

You will always be a winner for me and I look up to you very much... with this I have made a closure...
Bye Chris, I am totally buying your album.

Amazing feeling!

I have had one of the most wonderful feelings these past few days! I feel all tingly inside. I feel so great because I have been helping out in the school yearbook. I have been editing the descriptions for the students and I have tried out sketching a format for the cover. I have also been experiencing a lot of cooperation and I think I am learning how to deal with group projects more now. I realized that if you pour your full attention to what you do it always comes out well especially if you really want something to happen then it will happen. Its all mind over matter really. You just have to attract that positive energy to revolve around what you create in order for you to discover your truth about this world.

If you know how to accept peoples opinions and how to process them into a formulated idea or a concoction of creativity then it would be better. I am experiencing a liking for group activity. Its just a matter of passion for whatever you do. If it just so happens that you are put to this task because you unconsciously chose it or if your soul wants to remember something about it then it comes. It is just a matter of bringing out your consciousness about things. If it seems that things are not happening at the time you want it to, it is because it has a specific timing for you to feel and experience a specific feeling.

I am also so happy because I have been associating myself with so many people lately. I have been receiving gifts and blessings from my friends and family and it has been lifting up my self esteem to a very high level indeed. Not an arrogant one but one that makes love highly noticable. It makes it protrude thus showing that everyone has well intentions for the reaching out to the absolute.

One thing that I really have to remember is how to remember DETAILS of the things taht are happening. This indirectly states that I have to hone my OBSERVATION SKILLS. So, I pray that I thank god for the knowledge of the possiblity of HAVING good obsevation skills that I in turn may acquire them heheheh.... :P

Fireworks on electrical posts!

Yesterday night was one of the most amusing days of my life! heheheh! and this day is quite cool too!

I was talking to Dannica on the phone in my cousin Joanna's room when suddenly... the lights went out then the phone line got cut.... I didn't know what in the heck was happening! I swore coz it was pitch dark.... I eventually found my way out of the room. I then went to my tita's room only to find out that there were two electrical posts that went in sparks and that was set on fire! The scenario was that we were all looking for spare lights, Joyce my other cousin was calling the firefighters and the electrical company Meralco then we went downstairs to shut off the main switches. My tita was a little panicked and held her granddaughter as tight as she ever could.

After all the commotion... we went outside to the top deck where it was an open air place. We just couldn't resist that thought of a breather after that!

After a while, they said that it would take a very long time to fix the damage done so we had to wait. Since Jillian the baby had only a few extra sterilized bottles left for the night, we had to find a place with electricity. Spontaneously we decided to go to Dino's house to keep Jillian comfortable and to access needed electricity.

I was wondering in Dino's house if his sister Gabs was there! I wanted to see her badly coz we had not seen each other in quite a while. Afte about an hour at about 11:00 that night.... Gabs and I finally saw each other. Since it seemed like the elecricity was not to come anymore, my cousin told me that I was to sleep in Gabie's room for the night.

Gabs and I were so excited... we didn't even plan on sleeping! We kept talking the whole night then it was about 2:30 in the morning. In the middle of conversation someone called me from outside saying that we were to leave already. I didn't want to but I had to so i did as I was told.

I then was told to go along with Dino and he'd bring me and Havie to our homes. We waited a while and drank a few beers. It was so interesting to be with these people at that hour! It was so fun. We even talked about religion and the Da Vinci code. We even talked about Opus Dei and how strict their practices are.

When I came home I didn't want to go to sleep I was so engrossed in the nights events. It made me think one again. I didn't even want to keep this entry waiting.

Now the recent events made me realize something very important. It is in these kinds of events where you appreciate everyone you are with at the given present moment no matter what you image of them was in the past. That is when you live your life to the fullest. I saw myself doing that yesterday. I am soo happy. Next post amybe tomorrow.

Interesting part 2

When I say "UNSUITABLE" it is because I do not believe that anything is bad anymore. "BAD" is a term coined by narrow minded people for me. It is unfair to name something as bad. Sometimes things are judged as bad by people who get so hurt of them. It is not helpful for other people who havent experienced such a thing because it is somehow labelled already. Biased opinions pop out made by people who are totally unconscious of what they are doing then it ends up blocking the flow of experience!

For me we people are here not to learn.... We are here to feel to be fully human. If we are God's sons and daughters... If we are made in His/Her image and likeness... Than in a way, we are God. WE ARE GOD! If we are God we already know... it is just up to us to remember.

You may ask..."What the hell is this demented girl talking about?" I can prove it I have back up.. here is how it goes...

God...is an all powerful... all knowing God. He was this enegry, absolute and ever great. The knew himself conceptually. He KNOWS that he is all powerful all that he is everything. But... because God was all there is... He couldn't compare himself to anything. He was therefore "NOTHING" because he was "EVERYTHING"

Now in order to make himself something... he wanted to know himself not only "CONCEPTUALLY" but also "EXPERIENTAILLY"

Think of it this way... you know that belgian chocolate tastes sooo freaking good! You know it already but that is not enough... you want to taste it for approval. You want to EXPERIENCE IT. Tasting makes you feel food. Makes you confirm your knowledge about chocolate.

So... God in order to experience himself made the world of the relative... the extremes. Then he created souls, he divided himself into us that he may just do that.

Where did I get all of this? I got it from CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD by Neale Donald Walsh. Now... If you want to understand the green text I have just written please read this book. It is absolutely amazing!

I know I know... You might think that I am so gullible. That I believe everything I read. Believe me I took this thing into DEEP DEEP consideration and I know that within me. I do not have anymore questions to ask. I have been searching for this truth for years and lifetimes. I have finally met it. I am ready to evolve and I hope that I helped at least some of those who are reading this right now.

That's all for tonight folks! MWAH

link... www.cwg.org

Blogging as my thing!

I am so in love with blogging now! I don't know I am just so into it. Believe it or not, everything I am learning from computer class is coming out! I am so happy that something I have learned in school has actually appeared in real life! I haven't encountered this since I was in elementary! I am just so happy! I am even learning how to add so many things in this blog and now I can say that it is really my obra maestra! my MASTERPIECE!!!!

Interesting

I never noticed up until now how interesting my summer has been. I mean... although I have thought that it has been so boring sofar.... It really has not! The pieces have bin put together. There is really a time for a slow paced movement and a time when everything just adds up so fast.

I have been saying that i have bin reading a lot lately right. Well... all the spiritual books I have been reading are helping me face things in a whole new perspective now. I have bin applying what i hve learned practically.. kinda like an exam.

Now frankly... I don't think of hardship anymore. Or any form of sacrifice. I love myself and so I am ready to love anything else. Even anything seemingly negative.

I dont pressure myself to enter into a relationship too soon anymore. I am contented with my life right now. i know that. Unlike before I have bin wanting too much... I have bin holding on to the FUTURE for my salvation. I now found out that I can ALWAYS save my self from any "bad" situation or to put it to words more specifically any "unsuitable" situation for my living just by creating a way out of it and making one much better.

to be continued.....

The Environment is all that Matters

The environment is very special to me. I love it so much. I swear that once I become independent and have my own source of income, I will become an environmental activist.

The environment for me is not really only about plants, animals and trees. The environment is about my environment, everything around me and around you.

I believe that everything is made out of God. Even the small ants and little bugs are God. The biggest galaxy and every little thing in it is also God. You and me we are not only Sons of God but we are God.

Everything we experience is experienced by God. It keeps him busy when he's all around living all forms of life. He is able to know himself not only in "knowing" but also through living, through deed and action.

Ever since this concept was introduced to me I have looked at everything as so special. I see that no matter how "bad" other people think someone is, I see through the soul of that person. I see that everyone has a HIGH purpose really. No one is useless everyone is beautiful.

I cant really write now. I am a little distracted so I most probably will write when I am in the mood again. heheheh.... :)

Moving

I am finally starting a good post here on this blog. I have been wanting to fix this for the longest time and finally its here. My official blog. I do have a blog in friendster actually but I want one more customized and boy this is it. I can add so many things on this and if I want to keep it simple it will really be simple alright.

I entitled this entry moving because of so many things. This word is so symbolic to what I am feeling now.

Moving throught the thin threads of time. It is only now I discovered that past, present and future are all actually happening at the same time. It is only in man's imagination that they are happening separately. I am still working out on how to explain that so I'll get back to it some other time I suppose.

I am "moving" (evolving) into another being and I really know so. Frankly the books I have been reading have a truth that I have been searching for for the longest time. The messages of these books have been so complex. I know that I undeerstand it deep within me but I cannot find the words (the tricky words) to express them with so I will get back to that too.

In lighter comprehension.... I am also moving to another country to live there. I am going to live in the states with my mom, dad and sister pretty soon now. This will be pretty hard. I will be adjusting to a whole different world. I do have mixed emotions. I am excited, anxious, and pretty freakin scared too! It is soooooooooooo crazy man! hehehe!

I am very happy though that I have accepted my new direction and I now can say that I do have to stand by all my newly "remembered" principles all the way...

Hence I am inviting all who want to to come to this journey with me through this instument called a blog. I am welcoming all into the cogworks of my mixed brain to join in the excavation for the truth.