Innocence

Currently Listening: Athlete - Wires








I was listening to this song and all of a sudden so many thoughts came to me. I felt very lonely. Don't get me wrong, i absolutely love this song! But then I think the reason I listen to it every now and then is to keep in touch of my duality that i may mximize my life.

This song (in its technical meaning) tells a story, I presume, about a baby or a life of a human being held on by wires in a hospital. Here the loved one sees everything, sees the suffering of that person and musters all of his/her power to keep that person alive. To chase that person down the corridor leading to the afterlife which everyone seeks for at the end of their journey here on earth. The one watching over the failing life desperately tries to explain how much he/she wants that dying person back and that they would almost offer their own lives for the saftey of the one dying.

Wires is a song very close to my heart for many reasons and the strongest reason is because I am so amazed by all the love curled into each letter of the lyrics. The emotion of the lead singer, Joel Pott, is even more enthralling putting the cherry on top of the whipped cream in the song.

What made me cry tonight was not even the message of the song but how I have not loved anyone and no one has loved me in the way projected in the song. I have had no commitments in my 18 years of living and there is something that is telling me that my innocence is what is making everyone back off. My innocence seems to be a repellant to anyone who finds any interest in me. I am not saying that I want to get rid of this innocence in just a snap of a finger. I want it to have a trace of it still embedded in me until I grow old. My innocence is what keeps me child-like and curious. It helps in my adventure seeking and finding. I do want to gradually be aware of the world and its elements. I want to be romanced, swept off my feet, just like everyone does. I do want the person who'll love me, love me as I am with that innocence. I am becoming a woman though, i do know that. I need some reassurance though that i am a beautiful person in many aspects. I know that I am its just that I need to see it being seen by the eyes of another.

I want to redefine myself everyday. I am what I am but I need to love who I am in all the stages of womanhood. I do advance to another stage all the time. I have to love myself all the time to make people love me all the time. No more insecurites. GOD THIS ENTRY IS SOOOOO FREAKING CONFUSIING HAHAHA! But I still understand it. So many Samanthas are speaking at the same time that so many messages are coming out.

Anyway, main point is, LIVE once again...............