Rejection

July 18, 2008
On The Way Home from San Francisco
9:48am

Rejection

Yesterday, July 17 2008, was the most awaited day of my life then on end. American Idol auditions Season 8 took place. As planned, I fell in line, and patiently anticipated for the moment to take place. While standing, sitting, freezing in line, I met a whole diversity of people who shared the same dream as I did, evidently to be next American Idol. Seeing all these hopefuls, I knew that many hearts would definitely be broken. I just did not expect mine to be crushed as well.

“Next!” beckoned the man. 12 tables were set up in the middle of The Cow Palace Venue with 2 judges each. “Hi!” the woman said. “What will you be singing?” “I’ll be singing ‘My Immortal’ by Evanescence” I replied. (I figured that I should sing something that I have already mastered.) When I began my song I knew I had captured them for they waited for my peak. When I reached that highest note, I was asked to stop right after. I thought I did pretty well. 3 more people were asked to sing. After each of us had sung, we were all asked to approach the judges…
It was on the biggest day of my life when the whole world fell on me. “Thank you for all coming out here. I’m afraid it’s a no for everyone.” “A no for everyone?” I confirmed. “Yes a no”, came the daunting reply. I did not make the cut for the first, preliminary auditions of Idol. Inner acceptance came in. “There is a higher purpose for everything” I said to myself. My mom was waiting for me with a bright smiling face hoping for the best news. When I gave her the no gesture, she still had a reassuring face. “It’s ok.” She mouthed. I did not cry. The initial stage of shock engulfed me.

I sat down again, in the stands where we were while on stand-by. I stared blankly into space for 10 mins. I learned that none of my friends went through either, some who really had good voices too. “There is a higher purpose for everything.” I thought to myself…again. I knew God was talking to me. We walked out; I was looking for my friend CJ who needed a ride to the next CAL train station. We made our way towards the restroom first. I called my cousin, my mentor. “Kuya, di ako nakapasok.” I said. “Bakit?” came his agitated reply. “Di ko alam…. Pero thank you parin! So much! For everything...” my shaky voice said. “Di Bale” he said. “Ok lang yan!” Hence, my tears finally commenced, right on cue.

We arrived at the restroom, I was crying like a kid now. I saw others who were betrayed like me. I was not alone and felt consoled. On our way out I was still crying, tears flowed from my eyes.

I met my friends again. They were even sadder for me than they were for themselves. I felt loved but still disheartened.

No stifling, in the car, before sleeping, after sleeping, I was still sobbing. After five hours of constant weeping, I knew the perfect remedy…. GWEN…

I desperately asked my mom if we could call my sister. At the beginning of the conversation I was trying to keep my composure but as my whole account of the incident was told, I slowly revealed all my layers of devastation.

As I knew, she played her role as the ULTIMATE “Dream Catcher” and gave me all the strength of a thousand men in battle. She said, “Sam don’t let what happened burden you. So many great names experienced the grandest of failures before they became the best. Even the great Micheal Jordan was rejected from his own varsity team!” She gave me countless words of wisdom that only she can articulate in such a stirring way.

The moment after I finished talking to her my head was not heavy anymore and I immediately stopped crying, just as I expected! My sister really has a way with words that is magical… All of my sisters have that gift. I am blessed to have them all. I am grateful to have everyone in my life right now, family, friends; these times will never be right without them.

Count your blessings, bless your failures.

I have come to a conclusion that there is nothing to lose and all to gain in times where you are given the chance to showcase your talent for the world. Whether you “make it” or not in one try does not even impress me anymore. It is how you redeem and revise yourself in each moment that matters. Learning from the entire mass does not cease, it always begins, just like water, it gets bigger and bigger with every “co-inside-ence” with other molecules like itself till it flows and travels like the ocean.

Rejection is only a platform to strip you off of your fears and re-conceptualize the grandest version you ever had of yourself. I fully trust the Universe and believe that is weaving the tapestry of our lives.

LIVE LOVE LAUGH

Tuning in to my dreams

Butterflies.... I have them right now.... I am about to embark on something that I have waited for for an unbelievably long time... My life long dream of being a singer. I already am one, i know, but to fully express my everything through what i love doing is THE dream. Now is when the pendulum comes to its equlibrium...

I know this is my destiny. In order for me to fluidly flow my desires into its current, I have to let go. Everything is suseptible to change and it is but natural to expand your goal once on your way there... One must not confine one's focus merely on one point. The side opporunities that are seemingly things that should be shooed away are actually new portals once they are opened. It is not required for an individual to fully immense oneself in a foreign dimension but it will be of great benefit to peek into it.

Whatever I encounter on the way to the audition of a lifetime, I will not ignore. I do not want to hold on too tightly to my dream for i might suffocate it. I will embrace every blessing just like how I have been doing so while waiting. Once I came on this life train to America I never thought I would adjust so soon. I have been here for 7 months already and it is as if I sort of know my way around. Do not get me wrong, I miss home dearly but I even miss it more if i have something to compare it to. Paradoxially, if I go home now, I wouldn't want to just yet. I have to go free first and meander around this amazing territory.

I have conserved all my energy for this grand moment. I have been spiritually, mentally and physically prepared myself. There is no turning back now. I am very grateful for everything, words are limited to expound on what I feel. I will never forget who I am. No matter where I go, I am who I am. We are all sculpted by our choices.

I will GIVE. I will LOVE. I will LAUGH.. I will Tune in................ (spark)