Obligations and Inspirations

The turn of events these past few weeks has been hitting me like large fists. This week went by so fast. Within it I dealt with obligations and once again inspirations.

For obligations, this week was the first ever time for me to experience something like being a mother. I was responsible for my niece Sabine for TEN STRAIGHT DAYS! I never knew I could do it but I was able to.

I became a serrogate mother for her in the absence of Gwen because of her trip of her trip to Europe. Being a mother is not as easy as it looks. There is a certain degree of selflessness that you have to have before you can be declared ready. Having a daughter is like being a cell and reproducing a part of yourself. Hence, you feel like you need to direct all of your attention to that newborn self of yours so that it will not be lead astray in this foreboding world. But in reality, you need to show love, guidance but not trap that self in a cage like an experiment. Freedom is the sum total of the GOD that any life form needs to be.

Aside from that, I needed to go to St. Lukes Clinic for my medical exam by myself today. I had situation with a taxi driver who wanted to make me pay 150 pesos for a ride from the clinic to the LRT station with only a few blocks away between them! His meter was broken so he wanted to esimate the amount I would pay him plus he said that it was terribly congested in the streets where we would have to pass. I declined his sevices and decided to hail another cab. When I reached my destination I paid a small sum of ONLY 55 PESOS! imagined how gullible I would have looked if I had agreed with the first driver.

For inspirations, this week I became a part-time movie buff... (If you want to make that a profession already..... it doesn't sound half bad does it?) I watched most of them with Les and Tin, at home with popcorn.

I watched the following movies:

1. The Graduate - I loved the soundtrack and Dustin Hoffman's twirpy role heheh! Anne Bancroft was very entertaining too! It goes to show how older women without passion for their husbands get very lonely.

2. Great Expectations - I loved Francesco Clemente's artwork that was featured there. Ethan Hawke is GORGEOUS! Anne Bancroft once again here but she played an older role. She is such a great actress. The whole story has many twists, turns and emotions which all lead to an amazing story.

3. Amelie - I love this movie. Audrey Tatu really fits her role here. I love how mischievous she is but how wide her consciousness is when observing things.

I hope to watch even more movies in the future.

Growing Up

I was wondering when this blog entry would finally reveal itself. I never really thought about it but its time to face it. It is apparent that i am freakin growing up. I am sooo scared....

Being the youngest amongst a group of girls isn't always comfortable especially since they have all experienced everything that I am about to go through. When I try to make a decision, I am moved by their advice and sometimes become very indecisive still about it. I easily get swayed by impatience and doubt my faith in the universe. At times when they would talk me through things I get into mood swings not thinking clearly and boil up uncontrollingly.

Imagine that this is true even now that people are backing me up! What if I live independently already and make my own decisions? I fear that I would lose control! What if i can't handle things and my sisters are all so far away?

I am now slowly putting everything that they have been teaching me into action on my own. I dont know whether what I am doing is what you may think "wrong" or "right" but i do know that pretty soon I will be RESPONSIBLE for all of my major decisions in life.

When its real-life decision making, all those lessons given to you in highschool about it seem to get blurry. No one will be able to capture the essence of it in one second of your life when you are compelled to make instant decisions based on gut instinct.

What is for sure is that people choose everything in this life, from where you were born to when and how you will die and everything in between. The possibilities cannot be counted.

If at this stage I am scared, but I know I will be able to let go of this fear because it is in our nature not to care anymore and just keep moving forward. In every moment we live and die at the same time.