The Uncovering of the Ancient Magic of Time

I absolutely LOVE Coldplay, but i love Coldplay performed by the Vitamin String Quartet EVEN MORE!

2010-08-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

One of the best instrumental versions of anything. :) Music is love!

Aladdin the Musical Spectacular

2010-07-08T15:53:00.000-07:00

I was killing some time in Boarders because I had to let my dad give my a ride to work because of my car accident (my car is still in the shop). It came to me that I had not seen the magazine Backstage West in a long time. It is a Magazine in which you can look for current auditions open for actors and actresses, whether theater, film, commercials (you name it) and it is for Union or Non-Union members alike. I looked all around for it until I saw it just in the magazine stand ( I felt so stupid haha) I decided to browse through it in order to see what the auditions were and if I should go ahead and do some. Viola! I saw auditions for Disneyland's Aladdin! I was sooooooo excited but, I knew that I wasn't that prepared to do them since the auditions would take place the NEXT DAY! I knew about them A DAY before.

I tried practicing in the parking lot of where I worked. When I got home, I practiced for 2 hours, finished making a resume and tried to find head shots. OMG! This was ridiculous. I slept at 2:30 am just to finish all the requirements for it. I woke up at 7am to get prepared for my trip to LA where it was gonna be held. My dad and I left at 9am and passed by my sister Jennie's house. I practiced again. I wasn't sure whether to sing On my Own or A whole new world. My cousin Kyle said I should sing On my Own since it will showcase my voice. I had a feeling that I needed to sing the other song though. I just brushed this and once again followed my cousin's advice.

Jennie brought me to Screenland Studios where the auditions were to be held. I was so nervous but excited at the same time but more of the latter. The audition process was way more simpler than the American Idol auditions since it was not really publicized. It reminded me of my theatre days in the Philippines and I was feeling the amazing sensation of being alive all over again. This is how I know that I am meant to do theatre. I had met many people in such a short period of time. Girl A - Was nice. Does a lot of theatre. Currently was in the Rocky Horror Picture show. Girl B - First time auditioner. Hispanic but looked like Jasmine. Girl C - Very aggressive but secretive. Girl C - Pop singer trying something different. Girl D - Looked like Jasmine. Tried out for DISNEY auditions around 10 times already! Never got it. was often called back though. It was very interesting to see where all these people were coming from.

Before the whole audition the casting director talked to all of us saying that he never knew that he was going to be looking for another Jasmine once again since the show was supposedly going to end. He even said that he thought they would be looking for Slinky's but since the next play was going to be Toy Story the Musical! He was a very humble man and gave amazing advice, "Don't get disheartened and please have a great time here while you are at it. This will be a great experience for all of you." And boy did I reflect on what he said especially after.

It was my turn to sing. I didn't really wait that long considering that I was there really early. I was #22, the first one to sing in the whole group. I wasn't that nervous. I had met Girl D just before I entered the room. I had hope. The room was very powerful, the amount of talent, brains and genius that encompassed the whole ambiance of it was remarkable, a natural high to be feeling it after such a long time. I gave my piano piece to the accompanist - - - "On my Own" I only had to sing 16 bars and I chose pretty much minutes beforehand. I was under pressure since I knew that I was unprepared but I still gave it my all. My voice DID NOT come out princessy at all. It came out belterish TOO POWERFUL and it was not what they were looking for. I knew it while I was singing that it was too late but I still gave it my all and came out confident, assured and strong. The words I knew were gonna come out did. "Thank you very much for your time, Samantha." And... that was it.

I have NO regrets. This is just one single step to be where I am supposed to be. At least I do not have any WHAT IFS. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. We must grasp every single opportunity out there. But, I did get many things out of this experience, that is being PREPARED. I should be ready for any unexpected thing to happen. It is all a matter of focus. I will have to stop procrastinating in all the weak aspects of my life. I will do a number of things to prepare myself for THE audition. The one that is already there in the NOW waiting for me to take a go at it.

Rejection had made me so much stronger. I will never give up on my dreams and I will live my whole life in the direction towards them, I don't care how long it will take or how hard it will be, I know what I am meant to do and this is it. My dreams ARE my reality. Thank you all so much everyone who believes in me. Just know that I all believe in you too and I will never be who I am without you.

Overthinking

2009-01-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

The power of thought is such a thing that is greatly underestimated by the majority of the earth's populace. It is taken for granted for people believe that it plays a very minor role in their lives. Little do we know that it is what governs every experience that pops up, every mishap, every success, every struggle and every relief.

The universe is like a genie saying, "Your wish is my command!". If you deliver inconsistent waves of emotion then that is what you shall experience. If you put out a positive thought then it is easier to link many more optimistic thoughts and thus eventually take place before you, same goes for the negative aspect of that. So, which one would you want to start? A negative vibration or a positive one? It is quite obvious what everyone would prefer, yet, it is not evidently what many individuals are choosing.

As I analyze myself, I realize that I have a lot to remember with the law of attraction but it is possible for everyone to incorporate it into their lives. The universe will not run out of full experiences for anyone.

I am about to start my "Book of Positive Aspects". It is a way to pronounce what I truly desire to live out. It is a way to be unfluctuating and unyielding as I reach for my biggest dreams and realize my full potential. It is the best way to start the new year.

I now plan out my journey throughout the present year and it is fun to do so but I honestly do not want to overthink. From now on, I will outline events but I will be more flexible to accept the important events to unfold for the better. If everything is excessively prepared for then there is no surprise and it becomes more disappointing when things do not go as programmed. Abundance flows when we are open enough to let it in disregarding the form it portrays. Your intuition will unquestionably guide you on the way to prosperity.

Everything is a matter of balance and scales...... :)

To Gia... (In Heaven... RIP)

2008-09-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Ate GI,

The first thing that comes to my mind when I see you is your precious laugh, the one I practically used everyday for a time because it was soo influential hehe..

Now that you have passed on to the afterlife, I hear it even louder and more vibrant resounding in my ears. I know that you are happy because I do not feel any pain for you. I feel only genuine joy. When I cry I know its only because I miss you so much. You have left such a big impact on the lives of so many people including mine.

Its so ironic that in all my pictures with you we are both exuberantly laughing! I remember how I'd be your partner all the time whenever you were temporarily single. You would play the role of cousin, sister, mom adviser, entertainer and stand up comedian to me. Its amazing how many people you are summarized in one persona. You are a rare gem.

You taught me how to love life, to accept it with an open heart. You taught me the value of friendship and how to treasure the people who I encounter in my life. You reminded me how to be enthusiastic in facing every challenge that is presented to me, to be tough and to play the game steadfast and strong...

You give me hope to be the best that one can be. You have taught me to be humble and to love every person I come across and ascertain to absorb what they have to offer and to proffer what would be beneficial for their epiphanies.

Thank you for sharing a part of yourself to me and to everybody. We will all forever prize your love.

Your soul is now ready to choose another experience in another lifetime as another being. I do hope we meet again, wherever you are off to. Take care over there.....

MISS YOU! LOVE YOU!

Sam

Rejection

2008-07-22T22:09:00.000-07:00

July 18, 2008
On The Way Home from San Francisco
9:48am

Rejection

Yesterday, July 17 2008, was the most awaited day of my life then on end. American Idol auditions Season 8 took place. As planned, I fell in line, and patiently anticipated for the moment to take place. While standing, sitting, freezing in line, I met a whole diversity of people who shared the same dream as I did, evidently to be next American Idol. Seeing all these hopefuls, I knew that many hearts would definitely be broken. I just did not expect mine to be crushed as well.

“Next!” beckoned the man. 12 tables were set up in the middle of The Cow Palace Venue with 2 judges each. “Hi!” the woman said. “What will you be singing?” “I’ll be singing ‘My Immortal’ by Evanescence” I replied. (I figured that I should sing something that I have already mastered.) When I began my song I knew I had captured them for they waited for my peak. When I reached that highest note, I was asked to stop right after. I thought I did pretty well. 3 more people were asked to sing. After each of us had sung, we were all asked to approach the judges…
It was on the biggest day of my life when the whole world fell on me. “Thank you for all coming out here. I’m afraid it’s a no for everyone.” “A no for everyone?” I confirmed. “Yes a no”, came the daunting reply. I did not make the cut for the first, preliminary auditions of Idol. Inner acceptance came in. “There is a higher purpose for everything” I said to myself. My mom was waiting for me with a bright smiling face hoping for the best news. When I gave her the no gesture, she still had a reassuring face. “It’s ok.” She mouthed. I did not cry. The initial stage of shock engulfed me.

I sat down again, in the stands where we were while on stand-by. I stared blankly into space for 10 mins. I learned that none of my friends went through either, some who really had good voices too. “There is a higher purpose for everything.” I thought to myself…again. I knew God was talking to me. We walked out; I was looking for my friend CJ who needed a ride to the next CAL train station. We made our way towards the restroom first. I called my cousin, my mentor. “Kuya, di ako nakapasok.” I said. “Bakit?” came his agitated reply. “Di ko alam…. Pero thank you parin! So much! For everything...” my shaky voice said. “Di Bale” he said. “Ok lang yan!” Hence, my tears finally commenced, right on cue.

We arrived at the restroom, I was crying like a kid now. I saw others who were betrayed like me. I was not alone and felt consoled. On our way out I was still crying, tears flowed from my eyes.

I met my friends again. They were even sadder for me than they were for themselves. I felt loved but still disheartened.

No stifling, in the car, before sleeping, after sleeping, I was still sobbing. After five hours of constant weeping, I knew the perfect remedy…. GWEN…

I desperately asked my mom if we could call my sister. At the beginning of the conversation I was trying to keep my composure but as my whole account of the incident was told, I slowly revealed all my layers of devastation.

As I knew, she played her role as the ULTIMATE “Dream Catcher” and gave me all the strength of a thousand men in battle. She said, “Sam don’t let what happened burden you. So many great names experienced the grandest of failures before they became the best. Even the great Micheal Jordan was rejected from his own varsity team!” She gave me countless words of wisdom that only she can articulate in such a stirring way.

The moment after I finished talking to her my head was not heavy anymore and I immediately stopped crying, just as I expected! My sister really has a way with words that is magical… All of my sisters have that gift. I am blessed to have them all. I am grateful to have everyone in my life right now, family, friends; these times will never be right without them.

Count your blessings, bless your failures.

I have come to a conclusion that there is nothing to lose and all to gain in times where you are given the chance to showcase your talent for the world. Whether you “make it” or not in one try does not even impress me anymore. It is how you redeem and revise yourself in each moment that matters. Learning from the entire mass does not cease, it always begins, just like water, it gets bigger and bigger with every “co-inside-ence” with other molecules like itself till it flows and travels like the ocean.

Rejection is only a platform to strip you off of your fears and re-conceptualize the grandest version you ever had of yourself. I fully trust the Universe and believe that is weaving the tapestry of our lives.

LIVE LOVE LAUGH

Tuning in to my dreams

2008-07-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

Butterflies.... I have them right now.... I am about to embark on something that I have waited for for an unbelievably long time... My life long dream of being a singer. I already am one, i know, but to fully express my everything through what i love doing is THE dream. Now is when the pendulum comes to its equlibrium...

I know this is my destiny. In order for me to fluidly flow my desires into its current, I have to let go. Everything is suseptible to change and it is but natural to expand your goal once on your way there... One must not confine one's focus merely on one point. The side opporunities that are seemingly things that should be shooed away are actually new portals once they are opened. It is not required for an individual to fully immense oneself in a foreign dimension but it will be of great benefit to peek into it.

Whatever I encounter on the way to the audition of a lifetime, I will not ignore. I do not want to hold on too tightly to my dream for i might suffocate it. I will embrace every blessing just like how I have been doing so while waiting. Once I came on this life train to America I never thought I would adjust so soon. I have been here for 7 months already and it is as if I sort of know my way around. Do not get me wrong, I miss home dearly but I even miss it more if i have something to compare it to. Paradoxially, if I go home now, I wouldn't want to just yet. I have to go free first and meander around this amazing territory.

I have conserved all my energy for this grand moment. I have been spiritually, mentally and physically prepared myself. There is no turning back now. I am very grateful for everything, words are limited to expound on what I feel. I will never forget who I am. No matter where I go, I am who I am. We are all sculpted by our choices.

I will GIVE. I will LOVE. I will LAUGH.. I will Tune in................ (spark)

Work

2008-05-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: Savage Garden - Affirmation

"You have to work hard for the things that you want"..... (in tagalog) "Pag walang tiyaga walang nilaga"

I hear this saying in both the languages that I am familiar with and a good number of people live by it during the entirety of their lives. To some extent it rings true to me but then if I meditate with the thought itself I beg to differ! :)

1work 1: activity in which one exerts strength or faculties to do or perform something: a: sustained physical or mental effort to overcome obstacles and achieve an objective or result b: the labor, task, or duty that is one's accustomed means of livelihood c: a specific task, duty, function, or assignment often being a part or phase of some larger activity

The word work in the "academic" dictionaries means to exert strength or give effort. In my opinion, if you really love that which you do, if you are truly passionate and execute everything with dedication then there is no "effort" involved. To do what you love involves true willingness to BE the grandest version of yourself, to live in fullness..... All challenges will be effortless! There will definitely be a test put before you too determine whether you really love what you do or not that way you know the truth about you.

Right now, I am prepared to give my all for what I love. Now I do know what I love. How do i know? I chose it! I am the living manifestation of it! The music fueling my soul shall always play. The vision involving my art will never be clouded.... I am ready!

I am ready to be, I am ready to inspire, I am ready to love. I am ready to help, I am ready to proclaim that we are all one and that there is enough for everyone if everyone is driven and awakened to know what I do.

Happiness is our adrenaline. There is so much to live for to waste this lifetime to ignorance and forgetfulness....

Together with what is within

2008-02-11T00:04:00.000-08:00

I have just finished watching the 50th annual Grammy Awards. It was once again breathtaking like any other awards show but this time it was ever more intense because it was the 50th.

Because of the incredible achievement of the academy since it has survived til its golden year, so many people were given tribute. Seeing all those noted artists being still humbled by their own achievements, and being still overwhelmed by their own talent, it gives me the conclusion that no matter how many times you win, it still feels like it is the first time for that winning to happen.

I am amazed at the many awesome talents that this world has. Over the years, more and more categories have been added up to the awards show. It just goes to show how creative people can be and how we all can create somthing original whether or not guided by inspirations from other people of from your own self.

Again it has dawned on me that like EVERYBODY on earth, I have soooooooo many dreams and I absolutely have no idea how I am going to live them all out in just one lifetime but all I can say is that I believe I can. To each his/her own journey. One's life will only have a real definition based on the one you put on it. We orchestrate our own lives and that is how we become co-creators of the world. I am learning slowly how to expand time that I may know how to utilize everyday of my life for me to be able to touch everything and everyone that I love. I do not believe in the saying that time is too short. Yes time seems to go by faster everyday but that doesn't mean that you cannot find time to do the things you love anymore. Most people are so absorbed in their professional lives, their work, that they don't seem to have the word fun enlisted in their vocabularies anymore.

Many of us even think that happiness is attained by something you are reaching out for, the truth is, happiness, inner joy/peace is only found from within and nowhere else. I feel that we can only be with our dreams if we welcome them to us with open arms in joy and love. SO.... go figure.

Innocence

2008-01-10T22:04:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening: Athlete - Wires

I was listening to this song and all of a sudden so many thoughts came to me. I felt very lonely. Don't get me wrong, i absolutely love this song! But then I think the reason I listen to it every now and then is to keep in touch of my duality that i may mximize my life.

This song (in its technical meaning) tells a story, I presume, about a baby or a life of a human being held on by wires in a hospital. Here the loved one sees everything, sees the suffering of that person and musters all of his/her power to keep that person alive. To chase that person down the corridor leading to the afterlife which everyone seeks for at the end of their journey here on earth. The one watching over the failing life desperately tries to explain how much he/she wants that dying person back and that they would almost offer their own lives for the saftey of the one dying.

Wires is a song very close to my heart for many reasons and the strongest reason is because I am so amazed by all the love curled into each letter of the lyrics. The emotion of the lead singer, Joel Pott, is even more enthralling putting the cherry on top of the whipped cream in the song.

What made me cry tonight was not even the message of the song but how I have not loved anyone and no one has loved me in the way projected in the song. I have had no commitments in my 18 years of living and there is something that is telling me that my innocence is what is making everyone back off. My innocence seems to be a repellant to anyone who finds any interest in me. I am not saying that I want to get rid of this innocence in just a snap of a finger. I want it to have a trace of it still embedded in me until I grow old. My innocence is what keeps me child-like and curious. It helps in my adventure seeking and finding. I do want to gradually be aware of the world and its elements. I want to be romanced, swept off my feet, just like everyone does. I do want the person who'll love me, love me as I am with that innocence. I am becoming a woman though, i do know that. I need some reassurance though that i am a beautiful person in many aspects. I know that I am its just that I need to see it being seen by the eyes of another.

I want to redefine myself everyday. I am what I am but I need to love who I am in all the stages of womanhood. I do advance to another stage all the time. I have to love myself all the time to make people love me all the time. No more insecurites. GOD THIS ENTRY IS SOOOOO FREAKING CONFUSIING HAHAHA! But I still understand it. So many Samanthas are speaking at the same time that so many messages are coming out.

Anyway, main point is, LIVE once again...............

Overwhelmed By Possiblities

2008-01-03T22:34:00.000-08:00

There are endless possibilities on creating your own. Anything original is based on one's inspiration and if you look around, you'll see so much inspiration that your head can burst being pampered with too many people or (if i might say) aliens to idolize.... GOSH!

Haha... The reason I have not been able to make my own masterpiece for the past months is because I am enthralled by the whole talent of the human race. We have all created our mini universes and once you delve into one universe you will get warped into another...

I can't keep on making too many lists anymore else nothing will happen, i'll end up making and organizing lists for the rest of my life.... I have to start making the machine run, I have been patching it up for too long that it will never be turned on. How can I see the effect of this 2 year conceptualization if I do not show it to the world and make it experience everything I have been thinking about.

Tomorrow I will start on my first job here in America. I will be working in Subway fastfood. I have been anticipating this first job for the longest time. I've been anticipating tomorrow ever since I set foot here on America about 2 months ago. Now that it has come I feel like dark chocolate. My total freedom will not be that total anymore but I know that this experience will give me an energy boost. I will be a rebooted computer ready to show how quick it will be.

I will be a whole new person this year but I will be the same. Let the paradox speak for itself.

New Year 2008

2008-01-01T01:24:00.000-08:00

I have decided to write a journal entry to start off this new year... our new year... This way I can keep track of what I have been blessed with last year and what my dedications are for next year...

2007:

was over all a great year.
To describe in one word: Gratifying
Last year taught me the value of: Patience

Highlights last year:

Bulit my Spirituality
Developed a sisterly bond with my siblings
Was able to become an English teacher and teach Koreans and Filipinos alike
FELL IN LOVE AND GOT OVER IT
Was able to study photoshop
Was able to determine ambition to be a graphic designer/ animator
Was able to manifest what I truly deeply desire...
WAS ABLE TO IMMIGRATE TO AMERICA
Got a soundsystem
Got a Computer
Got a Printer
Got a Job
Got some books that I wanted...
REUNITED WITH MY PARENTS

I am filled with joy and positivity for this new year. This is my first new year in The United States and it has been the most different yet. New Years here are generally VERY quiet compared to the Philippines. Only in major cities do they actually have the opportunity to ravishly spend the new year since fireworks are not allowed in unlicensed areas I presume... At home in Pinas you can see people cratign their own happiness everywhere and it is as if everyone is making their own Time Squares as well... Now just to describe how insanely peacful it is right now, it is 2 o clock in the morning and the ONLY noise i hear is the sound of my television while i am writing a blog entry just while the year is starting. My parents are sleeping and I came from a party that started at 7pm. I came home at 11pm.

These are the times when I truly do miss home but experiencing this I like and I expected. It makes me experience relativity and shows me what I want to experience for new years in the following years to come. How I experience the end of this year manifests how I actually feel as a new one commences. I am peaceful. I am content and I am excited...................................................................................................................................................

Resolutions:

Eat Healthy
Minimize meat intake
wake up EARLY
do not lag and waste time not thinking bout anything at all or just staring blankly into space because if i do i will lose brain cells for sure...
work harder and live a faster lifestyle to accomplish more within the day
Dedicate at least 15-30 mins for reading books
Exercise at least 3 times a week
lose 20 pounds in the first 3 months of the year
meditate daily before and after sleeping
practice for American Idol at least 3 times a week
Sweets and Coffee only twice a month
Be more sporty
Keep back straight at all times and use isometrics to develop proper posture
Create more than gather inspiration
Develop memory skills
Be more generous
Have more money
Make wise financial decisions
Keep my surroundings clean and neat
DO NOT BE LAZY
Watch more movies
Be more attentive to everything.. dont keep mind dull...
LOVE LIFE
Literally Count my Blessings...
BE HAPPY (it is a conscious choice to be)

All is well. Lets see whats next now...

Glimpse of the Life in Hollywood

2007-12-22T17:30:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening: Titanic - James Horner

I have been here in LA for about a week now and its been really good! I really do always enjoy it here whenever I visit my sister Jennie and her husband John. They've been really generous, accomadating and amazingly loving.

The highlights of my stay here this time (because it is the second) is not all the tourist frenzy or the glam of LA but the people.

I was lucky enough to meet a few people at a dinner last Tuesday and at a party Last Night. I was fortunate enough to encounter Alana de la Garza from the TV series "Law and Order" and her husband and striving writer Micheal.

All I can say that these people are one of the most down to earth people that i have ever encountered so far. They were the ones who invited John to both occasions. Since they are still here in LA for their vacation, they wanted to hang out. Even though they have both touched the Hollywood mainstream they had a lot of stories about how the business goes. Mike said that it is really hard to find someone to get to even read your script or story. It takes even much more effort to conceptualize everything and bring your characters to life. He showed us a few of his represented models for his story board. They were really good, how the characters looked and the programs they used to develop these charaters seemed awesome. Their work kind of gave me a peek of what graphic design is like and I would think that I am on the right patha s far as my ambition goes. Anyway, mike was telling us how sometimes it can be very emotionally downing when you cannot make it to the mainstream at once especially when it is your greatest desire. He was telling us still how he admires all the people who still manage to continue on doing what they love till they make it. Some people think of creating something, want to make something but do not at all have the guts to risk their effort in pursuing what they want. Well for me, if people don't try, it means that they do not really love what they do and they are. As Einstien said, "People who have not failed (or risked) have not lived at all."

As with anything fulfillment is achieved from within and not from without. If you feel that you are already a succcess inside then it WILL mainfest outside without a doubt. Again, all a matter of FAITH. BELIEVE!!!!!

Given that the people I encountered are generally successful i don't think that they have strayed to far from their real personalities. They are so freaking nice! When they talk to you they do it sincerely like how a PERSON does and not a plastic freak of nature. You see that they are confident because they are themselves and not because they are Actresses or Writers. Alana even baked cookies for us for the party and she gave gifts for everyone even for me and she knew that I wasn't even sure if i could come at the time.

These people, although they do not know it, are an inspiration to me and for anyone who has big dreams. We all must stick to the empathy and caring that we give to everyone. We are all connected because we are everything like human.

My Daemon

2007-12-04T11:51:00.000-08:00

Thinking for the First Time in a Long Time

2007-11-20T23:47:00.000-08:00

Its been round 11 days since I came here in America. I have been distracting myself with a whole lot of things lately since I can't start studying til next year pa. I will be working full time once I get my SS number but my first project will be learning how to drive. I am already halfway through the driver's manual. Pretty soon I'll be aceing my test hehehe.... I know I can still take my sweet precious time with it though since my SS is still not here but I feel that is is on its way of course.

In the meantime this is what I have been preoccupying myself with lately:

Developing a system and a schedule for my daily activities every morning that I wake up
Watching Heroes and other series online
Studying the driver's manual
Listening to music
Reading my personal books
Watching movies (So far I've watched Mirror Mask and South Pacific....two opposite genres but both very educational and equally as interesting)

Today I watched the final episode of "The Bachellor" of the latest season. It seems that this season is the most intriguing since the guy didn't pick anyone...... The final final episode showed the people involved 2 months after confronting each other but it became even more painful for them.....

After watching I got a bit of a flashback at my own rejections throughout my not so adventurous 18 year life. Whether it came from love or from the common "Normal" things in life, they were most definitely PAINFUL... but hey I am so over all of it hehehe... But remembering how the feeling of rejection felt and sympathizing with yourself makes it very frank to deal with. When you are over reviewing everything you wouldn't want to go back to it.

After watching I sat down and read a few pages of the book I am currently reading (Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho) The main character was a prostitute in the story but in the paradox of it all... this very brave prostitute admits to herself that she chooses her life and does not blame anyone for what she chose. She knows though that the people she encountered affected her to some extent for her to make decisions on her own whether it was consciously or in a nother level of consciousness... She enumerates all the probable life situations that she may have if she intends to choose them. Looking back at her normal life, her past, I would describe it as boring and most certainly below the level of the kind of person she already is.

The soul only chooses what is best for it and the life situation you are in right now is a physical mainfestation of what you proclaim life is. It is all pieced together and it confronts you like a television show you are watching. It is then up to the viewer whether to change the channel (of thought) or not. But everything can be done with a snap of a finger.

Right now I am still waiting as if I were in the prostitute's past, boring life.... but I know that all of this is preparation for a big event. individual dominoes do need to be tediously set up and formed before you can see "The Domino Effect" and all it's pieces come falling down to reveal an utter perfection.... :)

The Reason WHY I LIKE JOSH GROBAN

2007-11-03T08:41:00.001-07:00

Some people find it weird that I never get sick of hos music. No matter how many times i listen to his music or how often i do, my reaction to my favorite songs of his is the same! I really dont care what other people think about it. Music is all a matter of preference and you gotta accept that about people.....

As of me, I like many artists but one of the most stable ones I like is Josh. His music is a combination of modern, pop, and classical music. As a result of the mix of all the genres mentioned, in my opinion, his music is ethereal. It enables the listener to feel as if that person is being lifted. It gives me a natural high man. No need for drugs. (hahah)

In turn he finds inspiration in many other musicians who (most of them) are his friends. I am a fan of most of the artists that he works with, namely, Celine Dion, Imogen Heap, Dave Matthews, Lucia Micarelli, Andy McKee, Five for Fighting and Brian McKnight.

As a result of the blend of his personality and all the other artists chips into his work, I am totally in love with his music. I see my own self in it. He's like me only male and classical. I also like braodway so if I were to be a musician I'd probably be something like him only lighter and a bit broadway..... hehehe

I wish for the cahnce to collaborate with him on some music..

Someday Somehow... heheh.... :)

Certainty

2007-10-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

You can certainly get what you want because of the simple fact that you know that you want it.

If you know what you want, it means that you are interested in it and know all the little details involved in it.

Interest in the details involved in whatever you want means that you are most definitely qualified to achieve your goals, your dreams.....

Josh Groban Concert

2007-10-21T06:09:00.001-07:00

Going Through the Crowd
Where I reached Him

OH MY GOD! (*sigh)…….

Everything was like just a fleeting moment passing. One moment that seemed like a whole different forever while it was happening, but, something so short when it was over.
The whole experience of being in the concert was breathtaking and until now my feet are still not on the ground. I am floating in midair as if I am in a human made heaven.

If you are wondering how I was able to go, it was not through the SCREAMING FAN competition held on MTV. (The video I posted earlier) It was through a blessing in the universe, through my sister Gwen.

Gwen was able to get tickets for free! At first she didn’t know whether or not her contact would be able to get us seats. We were willing to pay for cheaper tickets, that’s why she asked her contact if they still had any low priced seats available because that’s what we could afford. It was a miracle that there were still seats and, because of the work she did for that company’s PR in the past, they granted her a reward and gave even better tickets for free!

She didn’t even tell me anything at first when she got them. When she came home 2 nights before the concert, she just told me to fit an outfit for me to wear for the concert and use the Law of Attraction to get those tickets. So I did what she told me even though I was already really worried about the whole thing. The next day, while we were driving to Greenhills, she told me to put on a Josh G. CD. I said, “Why will we put it on? I am already so frustrated that we don’t have the tickets as it is!” She just brushed aside what I said and just insisted that I put on the CD. I was reaching for the older album when she told me to look in her bag and take out the newer one. When I got it, my eyes immediately focused on two yellowish strips of card on the left side that wasn’t normally there…..

I just couldn’t react at once. I stared at the tickets, screamed to the top of my lungs and CRIED LIKE A BABY!

I thought the surprises were over and I was wrong.

On the day of the concert, we left the house early so that we could hang out in my tita’s condo in Makati since we were waiting for some friends to finish with a meeting in the area and eventually ride along with them to PICC for the concert. It just so happened that my tita watched the concert the night before and told us what happened. At first we were annoyed because we knew that our aunt would tell us everything but then we heard that Josh would be moving around the audience in the 2nd half of the concert. It would happen when he makes the female violinist perform a solo and smoke comes out on the stage. THE SURPRISE OF THE NIGHT! We also heard of Maricel-Laxa Panganiban who was daring enough to quickly take a snap shot of herself and Josh in the background very quickly.

A light bulb then went on! WHY DON’T I DO THAT! THERE MIGHT BE A CHANCE FOR HIM TO PASS BY OUR ROW! We didn’t have a good camera so my tita lent me hers. I also planned on handing him a small note saying “I dream of singing with you one day. You are amazing!”
FINALLY, we were watching the concert! It was spectacular, words are too much of a hindrance to explain fully how it felt like watching him. From the lights, to the musicians with him to his wonderful voice, it was perfect!

The cue came in for the second half and of course his entrance FROM THE AUDIENCE. We were fortunately seated beside the isle! When the cue came, I looked up and there was a guy in the trench coat! I quickly exchanged seats with my sis wanting to be by the isle. FALSE ALARM!

We were looking up frantically searching then we heard his voice then the spotlight directed on the upper left side of the audience (the other side). I prayed and hoped that he would pass by our seats… SUDDENLY, WE SAW THAT HE WAS PASSING THROUGH THE MIDDLE AND THAT HIS ONLY EXIT WOULD BE ON OUR SIDE BY OUR SEATS!!!!!!!. I frantically tried to grab the camera phone from my sis…(since I thought my aunt’s digicam would not be allowed in the premises I didn’t bring it down…. SAYANG!....) She was grabbing it back from me saying, “Ano ka ba SAM! Ako ang kukuha ng picture nyo!” THEN, THERE HE WAS IN FRONT OF US! First I reached out my hand, touched his and tried to put the note in his hand amidst so many people and his bodyguards. When I saw that he held my note and that there were no more people from the audience, I quickly went in between his whole entourage and I HUGGED HIM! HE PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME! The bodyguards couldn’t do anything. They just let me be and my sis took the shot! (Pic Shown) We were against the drasted spotlight so the pic is dark. I decided to just play with it in photoshop so it can be made clearer. BUT STILL IT’S A PICTURE!

Then, when he went back onstage, and there was a silent moment I screamed, “I LOVE YOU JOSH!” He said in a manly tone, “Hmmmmmm….I Love you MORE!”

Unluckily, he accidentally dropped my note. Its okay though because at least now I have something that he held in his hands. I wrote to him in his website instead. I ardently wish that he would receive that email.

WAAAAAAH! It was the night of my life! My sis and I were screaming and crying the whole time! I thank her so much for everything… I wouldn’t have spent it with anyone else. I totally believe in the SECRET and the UNIVERSE now!

Whatever you desire you get! I truly desired this. So people JUST BELIEVE!!!!!
So… I swear to all of you right now, “Before I die, I will sing with Josh Groban LIVE in front of millions of people worldwide…… IN THIS LIFETIME!!!!!!”

BELIEVE…………

Soul's Agenda

2007-10-14T00:05:00.000-07:00

I heard some awfully scary news today. Its about this "Blood-spill Gang" initiation. In order for novices of the gang to enter they have to accomplish a very ruthless task. You know how it is when you drive at night in narrow streets and you come across a car with either bright headlights or no headlights at all and being one with a good heart, you automatically flash your lights to remind them or warn them. WELL I SUGGEST YOU DONT DO THAT NOWADAYS. In this gang, to initiate, they stop over the first car that flashes their its lights back at them and manicly kill everyone who is inside that car.

When I hear of incidents such as this or those which are similar like mass killings and shootings, I can't seem to comprehend how people in their rightful minds actually think of thinking how to commit these crazy acts! MY GOD!

I was talking to my sister earlier today and she says when people do these crimes, it is such actions that fulfill a soul's higher agenda. We do not fully comprehend the purpose of a human soul once it enters this life. No matter how much we try to change or influence a person's actions, we cannot directly change them without the consent of that person. It is possible that when the soul re-entered, it had already experienced the opposite of what it is experiencing now. Whether it came now to contribute to negativity or to positivity the fact remains that all souls live for the purpose of breathing, for finding oneself and forgetting all over again, for duality. You have to know who you are for you to know who you are not.

I dare be objective in this world to know what I want and how to live my life. I dare be objective also for everyone else i care for and for those who seek my advice, but if there comes a time when one does not always heed my perceptions, then I shall say my piece and let that person have its own judgement and free will. It is in their power to create their play for they are Gods and so are WE.

I respect all souls' agendas. Let their own liberation choose for them and lead them to who they really ARE.

Waiting on the World to Change

2007-10-01T20:49:00.000-07:00

I am now at home, thinking of what to do later after I take my lunch and I think to myself. I am so blessed and so is everyone else. We may have days when we think that there is nothing in this world but bad luck but more often then not I see that people are generally happy with their lives.

We are in need of nothing because everything is already with us. It just takes a valiant effort to see it and once we do we will be on jolly sprees acting like absolute out of this world people.

Now that it is evident to me that we are all blessed and filled with graces, it will be easier for me to be generous to everyone else that lies within this magnificent oneness.

I do know that i will be staying here in the Philippines for at the most is 4 months thats why I am savoring every moment that comes to me whether I am experienceing this country by myself or with those people that i love.

As I look on to the future I do not want to anticipate anything because I know that whatever my calling is, the universe knows what my higher purpose in everything is.

Forgive me for my unrelated paragraph writing, I am just typing out whatever that comes to mind hehehehe.....

Obligations and Inspirations

2007-09-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

The turn of events these past few weeks has been hitting me like large fists. This week went by so fast. Within it I dealt with obligations and once again inspirations.

For obligations, this week was the first ever time for me to experience something like being a mother. I was responsible for my niece Sabine for TEN STRAIGHT DAYS! I never knew I could do it but I was able to.

I became a serrogate mother for her in the absence of Gwen because of her trip of her trip to Europe. Being a mother is not as easy as it looks. There is a certain degree of selflessness that you have to have before you can be declared ready. Having a daughter is like being a cell and reproducing a part of yourself. Hence, you feel like you need to direct all of your attention to that newborn self of yours so that it will not be lead astray in this foreboding world. But in reality, you need to show love, guidance but not trap that self in a cage like an experiment. Freedom is the sum total of the GOD that any life form needs to be.

Aside from that, I needed to go to St. Lukes Clinic for my medical exam by myself today. I had situation with a taxi driver who wanted to make me pay 150 pesos for a ride from the clinic to the LRT station with only a few blocks away between them! His meter was broken so he wanted to esimate the amount I would pay him plus he said that it was terribly congested in the streets where we would have to pass. I declined his sevices and decided to hail another cab. When I reached my destination I paid a small sum of ONLY 55 PESOS! imagined how gullible I would have looked if I had agreed with the first driver.

For inspirations, this week I became a part-time movie buff... (If you want to make that a profession already..... it doesn't sound half bad does it?) I watched most of them with Les and Tin, at home with popcorn.

I watched the following movies:

1. The Graduate - I loved the soundtrack and Dustin Hoffman's twirpy role heheh! Anne Bancroft was very entertaining too! It goes to show how older women without passion for their husbands get very lonely.

2. Great Expectations - I loved Francesco Clemente's artwork that was featured there. Ethan Hawke is GORGEOUS! Anne Bancroft once again here but she played an older role. She is such a great actress. The whole story has many twists, turns and emotions which all lead to an amazing story.

3. Amelie - I love this movie. Audrey Tatu really fits her role here. I love how mischievous she is but how wide her consciousness is when observing things.

I hope to watch even more movies in the future.

Growing Up

2007-09-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

I was wondering when this blog entry would finally reveal itself. I never really thought about it but its time to face it. It is apparent that i am freakin growing up. I am sooo scared....

Being the youngest amongst a group of girls isn't always comfortable especially since they have all experienced everything that I am about to go through. When I try to make a decision, I am moved by their advice and sometimes become very indecisive still about it. I easily get swayed by impatience and doubt my faith in the universe. At times when they would talk me through things I get into mood swings not thinking clearly and boil up uncontrollingly.

Imagine that this is true even now that people are backing me up! What if I live independently already and make my own decisions? I fear that I would lose control! What if i can't handle things and my sisters are all so far away?

I am now slowly putting everything that they have been teaching me into action on my own. I dont know whether what I am doing is what you may think "wrong" or "right" but i do know that pretty soon I will be RESPONSIBLE for all of my major decisions in life.

When its real-life decision making, all those lessons given to you in highschool about it seem to get blurry. No one will be able to capture the essence of it in one second of your life when you are compelled to make instant decisions based on gut instinct.

What is for sure is that people choose everything in this life, from where you were born to when and how you will die and everything in between. The possibilities cannot be counted.

If at this stage I am scared, but I know I will be able to let go of this fear because it is in our nature not to care anymore and just keep moving forward. In every moment we live and die at the same time.

Soon so soon

2007-08-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

This second half of August was something of a blast. Full of surprises it has been, never a dull moment in between.

Sweet little joys come in the best of packages, which in this case was the arrival of my sister Jenny from the States. It has been 5 years since I have last seen her. The last time she was here i have to admit that I didn't spend much time with her and i wasn't able to make up for the lost time that we did not have with each other. This time I made an effort to be on my best behavior and truly unmasking the personality of someone so near yet so far from me.

In her stay this time, i learned that SO MANY of my own personal antics and characteristics come form her! Its a mystery how I was able to acquire all of them despite the fact that she is the one I hardly know out of my sisters. We talk in the same mumbled way, our facial antics are the same (how we pout our lips sometimes unknowingly), we do things taking our sweet special time like a turtle (hence everybody gets so irritated at how slow we do things), we sometimes have delayed reactions when someone tells a joke or says a story.

Her presence in the house made everything so light, and i mean light! She also allowed me to see the possiblilities for me to lose so much weight. Her personal diet should be made into a book! No sweets, or hydrogenated fat, NO SUGAR and exercise at least once a week. On Sundays, splurge on one meal, you may choose to eat one kind of fatty food and one kind of dessert. I am now cold turkeying sweets from now on except Sundays. She is the thinnest out of all my siblings. She was even a fashion model before.

I was so happy that for the first time in five years, the sisters JACINTO were complete.

Yesterday when we brought her to the airport I wasn't able to condition myself to the situation at hand. We had to say goodbye. I teared up a little, but i knew that i would be seeing her soon..... very much SOONER THAN EXPECTED.

The airport had such a profound effect on me, I wasn't myself the whole evening...... why does everything live and die so soon.....

2007-08-16T07:17:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening:
Chris Brown - Yo (Excuse Me Miss)

I am now taking an interest to Chris Brown. He is amazing. The Usher of our generation. He has been having a good career.

Anyhoo..... I am good... i am happy. I am now finding out ways on how to maximize my time as much as I can. Its as if I am running on a tight schedule but actually I am in total control of my time. As much as possible I never want to be seen by other people staring blankly into space like there is nothing left in this world to enthusiastically observe.

Be in the now, look and see why you have the upper hand in whatever cause you always do have an advantage. Sometimes people's visions get blurry because they are blinded but their dissatisfaction. Everything will only work for you once you are GRATEFUL.

Hope i bring myself to do what i said hahah! will you guys join me at this? :D taralets mga bagets hahah!

Getting a Kick Out of What Lies Ahead

2007-08-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

Being an out of school youth has its downsides (not graduating in due time, getting bored out of your wits, having not much of a social life) BUT, for this time, I am looking on to the "but thens".

I have chosen a peculiar route for me in this stage of my life. For a whacking 1 and a half years (and running) I have not been studying. I came to this decision primarily because of two reasons: 1. I am waiting for my petition papers to arrive and most truthfully...., 2. I was not psyched up about going to school since I had been drained for the past 4 years of studying in High School. Now I am seeing an ever clearer picture as to why I stuck firm on this decision. I wanted REST.. and boy did I get it!

While I was "RESTING" I found myself and my inner purpose along the way. I found the answers to the most mind boggling questions a human being can ask. If you ask me where I stand when it comes to religion, love, spirituality, God and self... i will probably have a heart felt answer to supply. The most puzzling things are now friends with me. I am so grateful to have gone this way. I owe it to my beautiful sisters for they have been my northern stars. I would have been mislead without them.

Now that I am positively sure that i am opting to start college next school year i am more than prepared. I am not being dragged by my ankles to do it either, the choice comes from me. To go on to the next stage of my academic journey is exhilerating. My determination and happiness has reached the optimum level.

Generosity

2007-08-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

There are so many entries in this blog that comes in the first person point of view. That is, i almost ALWAYS refer to myself. I get so full of myself sometimes and I know it.

I do not want to always talk about ME anymore. It doesn't mean that just because this is my blog I am excused of always referring to myself.

I saw a snippet of my horoscope a while ago and it mentioned that Arieses have a tendency to become selfish at times and I KNOW THAT! Oh boy do i see that in myself.

I decide right now that i want to be committed to being GE-NER-OUS from now on. Generosity brings out so many benefits. Aside from the fact that I am becoming more of the God that is innately in me, I also get to help people. When you give, it means that you have plenty and that you enjoy sharing per se.

Sharing is the key element to selflessness. It is also the best thing that a person can do to show appreciation and fascination for each other. This world is not meant to be lived on solely as an individual. Sometimes the only way to find ourselves is to sense it in others. That only goes to show how no man is an island and that we are naturally social beings.

The ego often hinders us from realizing this fact. Because of insecurity, greed comes in and fear steps into the limelight even more making it the center of attention.

I am so blessed to have people around me that enable me to keep in touch with this side of morality. My sisters have been so generous to me that I cannot word how thankful I am to them. They are the only ones guts enough to talk to me straight to my face and push my weaknesses right on to where it should be taken into evaluation. My family and friends are my pillars thus I should make them my priority. I think I have spent enough time with myself. I am ready to love others. I am ready to mingle and make bonds. I am ready to fuse with the light of other beings.

I am grateful for this life and for everyone in it. Thank you all so much. Everything that you guys have done has embedded love energy into my triumvirate. This love shall be my purpose of living from now on.

Fully Booked ( not just the store but my own agendas too)

2007-08-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

Here I am blogging once again. Haha! i just can't seem t get enough of this. :D

Well, disregarding my comment mentioned above, today was light and good. Although my day started a bit sour (since my session with Chris was delayed because of technical reasons), I was still able to save it make it strangely sweet again.

To start off, I just installed Gwen's (overly shelf-lifed) web-cam. Now it is serving its purpose and Gwen was kind enough to allow me to use it in the afternoon as long as she would be here in the house. Now i can have class with my student online without having to go to a public, unconditioned place for teaching.

Just in time, AFTER my class with Chris, Kuya came and I was able to tag along with the Carinos to the Fort. At first, we went to The Strip but I didn't find any interesting place to hang out in in that joint so I resolved to go to Boni High instead. Low and behold, it was heaven.

I took a short walk towards my destination and looked around the establishments and stores. I saw a few cool shoes but nothing that really interested me (considering my budget hehehe...). I tread down the long row of shops and landed just where I initially intended to. I was on the front steps of Fully Booked.

I was so amazed at how enormous this new branch was! It had 4 functional floors and the 5th one was still under construction. The things that made this particular branch special were the ff..

The Forum area
The U View (mini cinema)
The Starbucks crammed in the 3rd floor.
The huge-ass record shop
The Art supplies section below.

I was in HEAVEN! As I was browsing, I wanted to lag on the whole day in that place, just to look at the books. If only I had my own mini library... ah the joy of gaining knowledge and joy at your fingertips. I wanted to buy every book I was intrigued in.

As I shifted my gaze from book cover to book cover (each one suited for the type of subject it presented) I discovered that there is so much talent in this world. No one will ever run out of ideas to add up to the many compiled articles of specialty and genius that were in the store. Originally I was scared that I would never be able to come up to the level of these significant people featured all around me. Then, it struck me like lightning that we all really do inspire each other. That is what talent is for, it is to remind one another how exceptional we all are in each of our own ways.

I got overwhelmed at the whole vibe of the place.

When I got home I received a text from Jeanie saying that the company I was applying for liked the credentials that I sent to them and that they were impressed. There's just a bit of an age issue at hand but I hope it will be considered. I know the Universe knows what's best for me so I just surrender my service to whatever it thinks is best for me. I trust the universe even if I were to be blindfolded.

Oh well adieu! I am off to bed hehehe

Old Men

2007-08-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

I have this thing with old men. I always cry when I see or watch something on TV about an old man who is suffering from pain whether its physical or emotional. I think it is because, these men have experienced a lot of "repenting" throughout their lives. Men do have more escapades and rendezvous more than women have.

I get cracked up even more whenever I see an old man who is a widower. I sense this kind of silent mourning erupting within them. Its at that point in their lives when they realize that they do truly love their spouses and that they are so alone without them. Living with these women for practically their whole lives made them grow into their spouses' characters and thus they find completion in their being only with their spouses' presence. Perhaps they would want to die already and follow onto the next life, some do. Some, however, accept that they still have to stay on this earth and live up to their higher purpose, live til they fulfill their mission. Some reminisce and acquire a deep insight because of their reflections.

Significant incidences such as the death of our loved ones increase our awareness and make us appreciate life even more. It doesn't take a strained effort to have your inner eye opened, it will just will automatically.

I had this keen observation yesterday when I watched Avril Lavigne's Video "When you're gone". I'm not really an Avril fan but of course since her video is always in demand on MTV, I just happened to lend my attention to her. I saw an old man with the description fitted above. he was one of the characters in the video. I felt pity for him and teared up, unexpectedly. I knew it was just a little eye dropper moment but then something totally uncomprehendable happened.... I cried, like a baby..... I cried so hard that my sinuses clogged up, then the recent events in my life just passed through my head. I was specifically affected by my longing to see my dad, the only man in my immediate family. I have not seen him in 6 years, and counting, but I don't want to count any further.

It dawned on me that i really miss my parents and I miss their guidance. I do not have a clue what life fixture i chose upon entering this lifetime as this spiritual entity but I do know that the universe has my back and that it knows my deepest desires. One way or another, i WILL see my parents soon.

I cried myself to sleep yet when i woke up, its as if nothing happened to me. I was fine and its not a lie.

These past few days have been about acceptance, gratitude, faith and most of all..... PATIENCE. Everyone has to be patient and well dead set on each of their endeavors and i think I am. If i am having a hard time, what more the old man in the video or the picture? They are just waiting for a call from the light.... devotedly they wait for a new beginning from the doors leading ti the afterlife......

Cooped Up for THREE DAYS

2007-08-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

I have been stuck in the house for three consecutive days already! I wonder if anyone can fathom the degree to which I really want to go out for some fresh air, people watch or something. I am comfortable with myself but I guess i miss the presence and energy of other people too.....

I am kinda financially incapable of hanging out right now but at least I am getting used to preoccupying myself wherever I am. It takes a lot to condition yourself to do things no matter where you are. It captures a sense of discipline and calmness in a person really.

Its so ironic how you miss being a bum when you are busy and miss being busy when you are a bum. I guess I just have to make the most out of this bumness...... aahhh..... dualities, i dont think I will EVER get used to them hehehe..

Past Lives and Present Angsts

2007-07-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

I just got my past life anaylsis form the link given above. I feel it to be very accurate.

Your past life diagnosis:
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Tibet around the year 1825. Your profession was that of a artist, magician or fortune teller.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Bohemian personality, mysterious, highly gifted, capable to understand ancient books. With a magician's abilities, you could have been a servant of dark forces.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your task is to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.

Do you remember now?

I don't know if it was a coincidence but before reading this analysis, I had just been watching "Light at the Edge of the World" on Nat Geo. Ironically the show was about Buddhism and the Tibetan way of life. While watching the show I felt a sense of calm in me as if I truly understood what all of it meant and that it was what I needed to keep myself grounded.

I discovered in the show that Buddhism is not a religion nor a philosophy. It is simply a way of life presented to people as a given choice. Unlike the others, once you follow buddhism you are not obliged to do anything. Everything is a choice. They do not believe in SIN. They just believe that the thing that hinders us from reaching the next state of enlightenment is ignorance and being unaware. We are all sentient beings that are still learning and are living in a world of suffering. "Suffering" stands for some of the worldly things that we attatch oursleves to and depend on just to find a sense of self.

Happiness I remember is not something that you look for but something that comes from within. It is a state of being. I have to keep that food for thought permanently in my head. My ego often eats me up. I end up thinking irrationally and lose myself whenever I am not able to control my own mind. I can't live this rashly all the time. It is not HEALTHY at all...........

I can't keep on clinging to my earthly desires. These materials, these "tools" will come and serve their purpose for me at the time athat theyh are supposed to. I know that I am somehow aware of my life path. I know what i am about to go through but whats life without haveing a a bit of amnesia right? There won't be anymore thrill without forgetting.

I am now set upon remembering who i was to fins a deeper meaning to my present life right now and this reading just made a lot of answers clearer now.

I am until now I think a Bohemian, I am still an artist exploring different ways on becoming one. I am still a monk at heart for i am in touch with my meditative side whenever I want to be. I know when I am turning into Mr. Hyde and I know how to save myself from myself.

The mission given to me in the reading is face on true. I can observe certain hang ups in people that i know how to deal with if i were in their shoes at the moment I obseve them. But, once they arrive into my little swarm of experiences I tend to forget my own advice. So I do have to overcome these things.

This reading also explains why I am so interested in magic, folklore and epics. Fantasy is a part of my past life. I think I even might have been a Dragon tamer in my time since I absolutely love dragons.... hehehehe....

For the past 3 days i have been so irritable. A while ago I just arrived at the peak of this obssesively "depressing" mood. I screamed. To the top of my lungs. In front of Chessy. She just watched me and let me. She knew what I was going through and did not stop me from crying out my anguish. There are so many reasons behind this outburst. I feel jealous, I feel impatient, I feel weak, I feel..... so.... tired..... I order myself to just STOP! FUCK IT! PI! I am sick and tired of all this BS. I have to be me again minus the freaking ego. SHAKE IT OFF SAM!....

Universe help me..... thankyou....

Finalizing My Blog

2007-07-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

I am trying to finalize everything about my blog so that I will not have to add anything anymore. I want to make this blog my little sanctuary, somewhere where I can breathe no matter where I am in this world. I consider it my connection to all my forms. I LOVE THIS BLOG!

I have added a few widgets that might interest anyone who is reading this post right now. I found it all in http://widgetbox.com/ so if anyone wants a go at this site by all means please go because it is very amusing indeed.....

RADIO - This widget is the best one that i have ever encountered in my life! You can look for any artist in the search engine and the Radio will play that artist and present other similar artists to the one you searched for. It can play any artist! This Radio is also a way to discover new artists. This thing is a music library compressed into one tiny box.
CLOCK - Its always helpful to know the time whenever you are online! This thing rocks too...
GLOBE - This is a virtual representation of a globe. It revolves and when you generate it you can even choose its color... I marked all the places that I hold significant to me right now. These dots show where I want to go in the future and my purpose in each place.
MUSICIANS SITE LINKS - In my sidebar, I linked all my fave artists websites so that I can share them with everyone.

In addition to all these widgets, I also adjusted the size of my sidebar so that everything is seen more clearly.

Let this be my shock absorber and sip of hot chocolate everday.

Fixing My Blog

2007-07-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

I never really took notice that I already have around 65 entries in this blog throughout 2 years.

I guess I have had a lot of spare time these days and it is because I haven't started studying yet. Once I do I guess i will only be writing every weekend or a frequency similar to that. I have been wanting to fix this blog and now finally that is what I am doing. I gave up my supposed painting obligation for this thing man! But i do know that this will look hella purty... heheheh

I decided to change a lot of things today. Not only my blogs layout but also my own heheh..... I had a haircut and I can say that this haircut is truly "Posh Spice" hair. Let this day not only be a booster for a new mien but also for a new attitude towards work, health, discipline and love.

I want to make these things to pay a big role in my evolution as a whole person: spirit, mind and body......

Everything in One Day

2007-07-22T03:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of the most eventful days of my life. It was a combination of the different facets involved in my persona.

I had been waiting for that day for such a long time, for it was the day that I would get my last installment of Harry Potter. To my excitement, after getting the book I treated myself twice. I went straight to one of my hangouts, Sweet Inspirations and I had an all - pinoy full on breakfast. I had Adobo Flakes with egg and Atsara. YUM! After having such a scrumptious meal, I went to Gateway, Coffee Bean, to start my last adventure in the world of Potter. I ordered a coffee shake and found a comfy little spot to start he celebration...When I flipped through the first few pages, excitement rushed through me but when I saw the dedication, my mood took a detour to something situated deeper within me. Her dedication read as:

"This dedication is split in 7 ways: to Neil, to Jessica, to David, to Kenzie, to Di, to Anne and to YOU, if you have stuck with Harry until the very end...."

When I read this my eyes got a bit misty, and it really hit me that this is the end! WOW! So, with that I started reading, I went on from 11:00 til 3:45... In the middle of it all two funny things happened. First, when i reached page 130+ of my book, Aris texted me and said that he was just on page 74 but that he had already paused, closed the book and shook his head in disbelief 5 times since he started. I do not blame him ecause everything was simply overwhelming... (sigh) Second, I was on my way up from the ladies room after a little break and I saw this cute looking guy look at me on the way up so I smiled at him. I went back to CBTL to resume my session then I saw the same guy. He went looking for me and caught up with me. He then went inside the coffee shop and talked to me a bit then asked for my phone number haha! funny...

When it was time, I had to go up to the LRT entrance to meet up with Cyril and Lora. I wasn't expecting anything, if it pushes through then great!, if not then its okay... To my delight it pushed through! I saw Cy first, we decided to go down and tell Lora to follow instead, we chatted for a while then Lora although late (hahahh!) managed to get down. We were undecided on where to hang out. We went to Starbucks first but it was full, we tried up but it was the same, so we went down again and found Gloria jeans, a not so bad and not so crowded place. We talked for about 30 mins then i had to go because of my "curfew" mainly. I was so happy just to see them frankly. I missed them both so much and seeing them just made my week. I realized that we still held the same personality as before. Each of us were our own person. When I told Tin and Gwen about it they were amused by the story and said that it will forever be that way. If I meet up with my highschool friends my highschool attitide will come back.... same goes with all the sets of friends I have....:D hahhahaha!

When I came home I had a few surprises..too.. I talked to two clients who were inquiring bout my services as an artist and as a voice teacher so I hope everything pushes through. I am learning how to carry on with work and be relaxed at the same time... I am getting comfortable with dealing with clients..... I am also becoming more appreciative of the time I dedicate to "dating" myself whenever I try to clear my thoughts or read a special book because those are the moments I fall in love with life itslef.

Things are happening with a woosh and a trail. There is so much change revolving in the atmosphere..... I know that I am growing up and I am getting inspired to live up to my little reveries and dreams everyday. When I picture my self as "B" I smile at the prospect, be happy and proceed to be "A" because i know transition from the first to the latter is only a matter of SPACE and the illusion that is TIME......

Getting an aflation from those who were just there all along

2007-07-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

I attended a party yesterday. It was Charisse's 18th birthday celebration. Seeing everyone again just made me so happy. It made me feel as if I am not alone in this voyage of growing up.

Everyone has their ups and downs while learning the ropes of their so called chosen professions in this lifetime. Its just a bit hard getting used to the new ways that people have but its really entertaining noticing them. This life only leads towards the progression and not degression, it will never make sense if it does right?.... Many things have happened to me, many new encounters with tremendously alienating situations. It makes me cower with fear sometimes. Foreboding it is to deal with these things but you gotta stop being a suk. Everyone has these little feelings but its up to you to use them to your advantage. Be resourceful and quick witted. When you see a little flaw in something you are doing double check and listen to your gut feel when scrutinizing the whole circumstance.

When I see other people and how successful they are, I get jealous but in a good way. I see what made them that way and I feel happy for them. Then i use the good points I see in them to hel me build myself and who I am. I know it will take a bit of a long time till I find myself altogether but I am willing to take on eveything I need to go through. I love myself I am happy to be me, but it pays to look at the God in everyone and be astounded at how brilliant everyone is, that way you can see the brilliance in you.

I was tagged by Ches Lopez who's next???

2007-07-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

The game goes like this:

Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about them.
People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly.
In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave a comment/message on their site that says they are tagged.
Then leave a comment/message in in their site and tell them to read your blog.

Sam's 6 Weird Things:

1. I use post it notes as legends to organize whatever I write in my "special notebook"

2. I curl my toes when i sleep. (People say they look ike they are about to break)

3. I like watching American Dragon and Kim Possible until now hahah!

4. I sing anywhere out of the blue sometimes to the top of my lungs.

5. I can make my stomach move like a snake. (Belly dancing move hhah!)

6. I can move the sides of my mouth rapidly without moving the center part.

I tagged Angelique, Paula, Charlaine, Clarisse, and Cameele

Just my luck, or is it my fate?

2007-07-10T06:31:00.001-07:00

I was just discussing patience as a topic for my previous blog entry and now here i am telling you about something weird and great at the same time, an event that i think is the result of the patience that I had yesterday.

As i was cleaning my nails (a part of my itinereary for the day) I was surprised to hear from my sister gwen that there was someone on the phone for me inquiring about my home tutorial service. While i was making my way towards the telephone i could feel the rush of adrenaline making its path around my body. There was a man from the Italian embassy asking i i could tutor one of their employees since he needed to brush up on his english. Although his residence was in Makati I really didn't mind going there to teach because it would be something totally new, something i had never done before. naturally i agreed to negotiate with him on this matter.

I picked up where I left off and started once again maintaining my proper hygene. (hehe) I was excited at the thought of a new student, a European one at that, but still kept my composure. After around ten mins, i received yet another phone call from a woman who wanted a tutor for her daughter. She lives in San Juan, not as far as Makati but still a bit far. I also agreed to meet up with her and consequently I was hired. I am starting class with her tomorrow.

The Italian guy cancelled our classes but i was totally fine with it because I know that there are still so many more students out there.

The fact that i was called by two potential students made me really trust the universe. It is true that the universe leads you to where you are supposed to be. It makes sure that it rathers the consensus of the many people apart of it before it makes and decision to merge events, people and situations together and form destiny.

I love life!

All in good time

2007-07-08T05:05:00.000-07:00

I went to Serendra with ate Les and Tin today. While we were having coffee, I had a little talk with them again and I really do love our little talks.This time, we talked about managing your time, charity works, microfinancing and the "Pareto" principle.

Nowadays, I am getting busier and busier by the day. Although people may not think so because I am not in college as of the moment, I am truly caught up in so many things and I am enjoying every minute of it. I am now learning the dlicate art of managing time. It really pays to do so. To make a rough outline of your day and being able to accomplish it feels so good especially when you see that you reap the benefits.

Although sometimes i feel so sick of where i am (the Phils.) I know that i should just be patient because the weaving of the delicate fabric of time cannot be rushed. I know I am being led to where i am supposed to be. As I make my way towards success, I do want to share my rewards with the world wherever i am.

With regards to charitable works its best that you do it even when you are just starting to earn money. While you get richer, the more you give too... It really depends on you on what percentage of your income you want to give to people but to start it would be a good idea to share around 10% of your income for donation. If you start giving even when you are not yet that productive, you will develop the habit of giving and it will be apart of your benevolent priniciples for the rest of you life.

One person I look up to because of his pioneering heroic effort toward the poor is Muhammad Yunus. He started the idea of microfinance through micro credit. He lent around $47 to a group of women who made furniture out of bamboo and the rest was history so to speak. He made an effort to eventually put up a microfinancing bank named the Grameen bank focused solely on giving out loans for the poor as a means of capital, housing, education and etc. He gave so much trust to these poor people who had the willingness to venture on to start their own business and he opened up the biggest opportunity of them just to that. This way of helping the poor is fulfilling because you are able to help people without making them dependent on you for support in the long run.

"Everything you give, you will get ten fold", this I truly believe. This saying is also illustrated through the Pareto principle or the law of the vital fews. This law states that 80% of the effect of anything comes from just 20% of the cause. e.g. If you give 10% of your your income, you get around 40% more in return through the workings of the universe. Of course, your rewards will always come unexpectedly.

I love how everything revolves and connects with everything else. I know that all will come and go at its perfect time.

Color Personality

2007-07-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

Samantha, your true color is Brown!
You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

Funny how my personality here is so accurately said. I think I am really a brown, my brown hair and eyes are added pluses to show that it is really all in sync. I am very happy with my color.

If my eyes could speak

2007-07-04T18:57:00.000-07:00

I took a tickle test about what my eyes say about me and this is what came out. I do believe tat my eyes are my biggest asset and I am very thankful for them. take the test too guys! Follow the link. Its fun... :D

Samantha, your eyes say you're Marvelously Mischievous

Playful gals like you make it their business to find the fun in life. Whether it's hosting an impromptu dinner party or heading out the door at 11 p.m. for a spontaneous getaway, you can be counted on to stir up the unexpected.Your lighthearted and fun approach holds true when it comes to your eyes and makeup, too. Whoever came up with the term "batting your eyelashes" probably had a gal like you in mind. In fact, you can probably captivate a whole roomful of people with your eyes alone. Consider it your secret weapon!

Learn How to Say NO!

2007-06-27T21:21:00.000-07:00

Having peope just keep on telling their own dilemmas in life to you, its draining really. Its okay to hear people out right? I mean to feel them and all but to constantly tell a person all of your problems as they come along, it will make that person feel heavy.

I always get into one of these things, i don't know why! I have to stop entertaining these things lest I WILL get affected and my life will not be able to run smoothly anymore. Maybe I get stuck right dang in the middle of these things because I am a pleaser. I please people too much to the point that I dont realize that my internal self-reserved happiness gets used up.

I do have to learn how to say NO, especially when I have a lot of things to finish within the day. I have to finish my itinerary first before talking to anyone or doing anything. I have to keep myself centered at all times so that I wont be rattled by any outside information and consequently stir of course.

RESERVE SOME FOR YOURSELF SAMANTHA.......Haaaay! Geez!

Learning the Hard Way

2007-06-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

We really gotta learn the hard way sometimes. Experience can really shape a person up..... Sometimes things just hit you unexpectedly at the back with a sharp, piercing stab. Things that you don't see coming really get the most of you..... But these things are boosters, they mold people.
When for example you feel shitty about a certain event in your life, give yourself the leverage to be pissed of about it at first. Hey WE ARE HUMAN! Its totally normal to release all that newfound tension away from our systems. But after that annoyment period, look to the bright side because there is ALWAYS ONE. Be your own "psychiatrist". Analyze yourself. Ask the foreboding question "....so, how do you feel about that?" hahahah!
At the end of it all, these things will be eye openers for you to deliberately open a window of maturity. It will make you innocent no more and enable you to stand for yourslef and talk with conviction of what you are saying. You have to have all bases covered and have good reasoning skills. Question after question to lead you to genius! heheh....

What Comes with the Rain.....

2007-06-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening
Too Little Too Late - Barenaked Ladies

I just received this beautiful comment from my previous blog via multiply.com from Jeanie. It was one of the most uplifing things that I have received the whole day! Just the thing to shift my mood.

"Bloom sweetie...as you should :) the rains are comin' and it may bring forth tears...but it will also water your life and heart that it may grow as it should. Twas a wonderful blessing meeting you. I do hope to see your sweet smile around more often :) "

After reading this, I just felt so much greatful for all of the blessings that have come into my life. I do not regret anything that I have involved myself in. I am very much fulfilled come to think of it.
Now comes the rain after the sunny (unusual) summer season. I am ready for it. I embrace it now.
Like the late RIVERMAYA's song... Umaaraw, Umuulan.... it connotes the ups and downs of life but really it will only be an "UP" or a "DOWN" only if ou define it to be. Everything is what you make of it and it is up to you to interpret.
Everybody is going through change now even the band Rivermaya itself. Rico Blanco has officially quit the band in pursuit of a solo career in acting and singing. This big controversial action of his can be a booster or a downer for both him and his band. Rico's career will be most awaited, and people will give symapthy to the other band members, surely the band's new singer will be welcomed by the public as well.
History repeats itself. Bamboo left the band before and now Rico has too. Other band members have been replaced along the line too but one thing is for sure, the name of the band still holds on through thick and thin.
My point in presenting all of this is to show all of you that this is simply the cycle of life. We can't stick to one thing forever... we all have to grow, thats why the rain brings in so much room to grow into..... And that is what comes with the rain....

Sometimes

2007-06-20T02:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I admit, I still miss him to the point of blankness

Sometimes, I become obsessed in fast forwarding time to the point that we do indeed "meet again"

Sometimes, I want everything in between to pass...
But...

Where will that leave me? It will leave me in an abandoned place, full of false hopes and stagnant air. I will not be able to breathe. I will resist change and I will resist seeing how beautiful life is. I will be angry and miserable. I will feel like the lowest piece of shit in this world.

So.... Is it worth fantasizing about you? or shall I henceforth continue? I'd take the latter for the heck of it. This life is to sweet to make it bland. I am now under the sun, strutting my greens like its newly sprouted. I shall not let anyone, or any feeling (for this matter) make everything turn brown and gray. Oh wind, wisp, blow me into the thin air...... :D

Next Plans

2007-06-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

Hahaha! I posted my mind movie on you tube and it will soon be available. Aaaah I am so happy that I was able to post it grabe! It is so fulfilling to be able to make something that you really worked so hard on and finally be able to share it to the world.

My mind movie made me realize so many things. Not only personal and self-uplifting matters but also technical stuff for my education. I had Ate Leslie look at my video for a while. She said it was nice. For a person who once was apart of the editing business... that comment was somewhat flattering. She says I can make it with study and practice. So I have this new plan and I am writing it right now as a formal petition to the universe.

Ate Les said that she thinks it is time for me to start studying, which i agree with. I think I should start short courses in photoshop already.... get used to the whole graphic art feel. She says that I should experience it until I get sick of it if I want to.

I think eventually I might get sick of it because truthfully its a very time consuming job! It took me about 4 hours to complete just half of my video so maybe a total of 8 hours for the whole thing and imagine that was just a freaking 4 min. clip! Wow! I never knew it would be so tedious to be an editor.

After taking these short courses for these programs, i might even finally buy my mac! Maybe a mac mini. I saved enough money already to pay for half. So I might ask my parents to pay for the other half. It'll be really good to have my own work space and eventually when I have practiced enough and have built my porfolio I will get a graphic design job! It is all so freaking exciting dude! ... Oh well here goes SOMETHING! heheh!

Come and Go

2007-06-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

People, they come and go in each others' lives really. Just when you were getting so used to that person in front of you, just when things were starting to jive, this is when a big shift comes. A shift that will rattle your inside outs and will compel you to enter into the acceptance zone.

Fuck change sucks sometimes really. Its so bitter but as a hidden agenda it is very sweet. It makes you realize your full potential, it makes you stronger, more experienced. It has the tendency to sweep out the innocence in you which may be good or bad depending on the situation. It can give you a straining headache that you do not want to last. It can make you listen to itunes all day thus resulting to yet another sad playlist... what the hell....

But after all shitty thoughts there comes new life... new scenes to compare to the previous ones hahah! Then comes the laughing part where you laugh at your acting self while in that "emotional" scene hehhe...

Still some stories still have a continuation but only after something in between that past and the future that you are expecting.

Main point of this all is just to go with the flow of everything and be focused on the now that you are trying to build. haaay! i just wish i could block my peripheral vision hheheh!

Poker Night

2007-05-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, well technically a few hours ago I was feeling very weird, a bit "sad" too (as showed in my last entry) but it went a 180 degree turn and now I'm fine again but a bit queasy. I turned out to have so much fun over the last 24 hours and I think I am fine! heheh

I was just wishing to meet some new people yesterday. I said to myself that spending time with my highschool friends made me want to meet even more friends. :D So I think in every level of my being i was able to attract that exact event. I DID meet some new people yesterday. I met Chubi, Lex and Buddy. Some friends of friends. I had a ton of fun!

These people are very interesting indeed. Chubi is a TV personality. (Thats why Ches was telling me to get his autograph before I met him and why he looked so familiar! hahah). Lex is Chubi's friend and a cool dude. Buddy is a real estate broker and is cool too.

We had drinks in Gerry's grill to celebrate Chubi's bday and then went to their place to play some poker. It was my first time to play and learn the game. Lex taught me. While we were playing I was just playing for the sake of it and not really thinking about it. I turned out to be a good player and i won second place. It was a blast and the players were awesome. Because of me we had to go home late at around 6am waaah! It was actually sunrise while we were on the road.

This whole thing made me realize that there are amazing people out there. All with different personalities and you can learn something out of all of them. I just shouldn't be shy and lay my cards on the table. Say and act out "who i am". Not everyone will like you but who gives a shit! We are all on different frequencies anyway. Conforming to society just sucks bigtime and I have more to live for.

So in poker terms... "All in!" hahah! wooohooo....

Bipolar

2007-05-28T23:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my day was as bipolar as ever. I couldn't comprehend what i was going through.

It all started with the night before yesterday. I read Harry Potter 6 and I was on the part where Dumbledore dies. The way he died is still vivid in my memory until now. It was really heart wrenching. I couldn't help but tear up once again. I didn't even notice myself starting to cry.

The next morning. I woke up late. and everything was wrong in a way.

I got to the tricycle station and it took ages before i finally heard the sound of a roaring engine. When I was at the gate waiting for a jeep it also took another century before the jeepney came.

I was cranky after that. When I arrived at my student's place, low and behold "that" was there. That had just woken up. That looked tired and sad. I lost concentration and was spaced out most of the time from the point where that came out. I have to tell that the truth since that would be leaving soon. I became dreamy the whole day thinking of scenarios in which that and I would be talking. Oooooh boy! If only that knew.

So on Thursday I will confront that just the way I should.

Anyway, for the rest of my day it was the exact opposite. I saw my highschool friends again since it was Gladys' b-day. I was so happy to have seen them. We had dinner, went to the arcade (relived our childhood), and had icecream. I really enjoyed their presence but after the encounter I can say that I am ready to meet even more people and find something to compare the people i know too.I want to be exposed to other lifestyles and other kinds of people.

I had fun, pure fun with my highschool friends still.

I went home feeling a but weary. I felt both happy and irritable. I cried it out then slept early. Now I regained enough strength to be able to analyze myself curiously and now I can say that i can alter my whole person in a snap of a finger willingly if I wanted to but i guess I want to live out my drama for some reason.

So to anyone who thinks it crazy or strange, stay away leave me alone and let me live it. Theres room for more than one kind of experience here. But just to reassure you. I am fine. I am still "the outer eyes of myself"

Having My Phone Repaired

2007-05-22T05:24:00.000-07:00

I was planning to go to Greenhills thi s morning to have my cellphone fixed. I planned to go after meeting Dianne in SM centerpoint to get some music sheets from her. When I went up to the place that we were supposed to meet, she wasn't there yet and her lateness became an unexpected blessing. I checked out the opinion of the guys at he repair shops in SM; to my advantage the repair shops were at the same floor Dianne and I were to be meeting. So I went around. At the end of my inquiries I found out that to convert my cellphone's frequency to that of the Phils, it really costed 1500 even if i went to Greenhills. So I decided to have it repaired in SM. The technician said that I had to wait for 2 hours for it to be fixed. So, I waited. I hung out in Wendy's. I was getting bored at first and I was wondering whether to figure out my guitar lesson plan with chris first... I decided that it was the perfect time to read the secret. I went about my business reading and it was very inspiring indeed!

When I came back for my phone, I tested it downstairs with the technician first to see if it responded to a signal. While we were waiting for the signal, we ended up chatting first.

He was nice and cool to talk to. I learned that he managed to be a technician just by self studying and watching from an expert. He didn't even graduate from college and now he lives on a high paying job (he was given a good offer by the company).

I gained hope because of his story and now I am confident enough to continue what i am doing, to self study and not take up college first. I believe that a person can learn anything he or she wants even without college and we have CEOs and business leaders like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs to prove it.

I still have to get my phone on Thursday and i know it will work perfectly by the time I get it. Although i have to wait for it, I am so happy for this experience today. I remembered just enough for me to continue working on my visualization and get a knack of it.

So excited to get my phone! WOW! haaaay!

Tools

2007-05-15T22:34:00.002-07:00

A human being only uses 10% of its brain. Did you know that? To tell you upright I only unraveled this fact lately and I got very surprised upon hearing it. Who would have known? I mean, when i get headaches i would think that my "CPU" is already taking too much information in and is in effect "loading" all the time but now that i know that we are not using our hardware to its full extent I am a bit disappointed.

We are only mere 3 dimensional beings. I used to think there was no one else more advanced than our own civilization but again i am proved wrong. I heard this story and you don't have to believe me if you dont want to because it sounds like science fiction but it can really make sense if you give it a chance to.

"Our DNA is orginally made up of 48 strands and not the 12 strands that we are accustomed of seeing. If it had been kept that way we would have been perfect beings capable of making no mistakes and consequently we would be using 100% of our brain. The reason behind our incompetence is because of an alien encounter that our earth had right after its new birth. The evil "others" altered our DNA making our whole species less evolved than it really is."

I am not saying that we are less special than anything else, its just that we all chose this planet we are in for experience. Although some may think there is no point in living this life because we are not as great as we should be, I think that this is our own "Love Jouney" right now and that we are on this quest to find out what we really are.

Enjoy the ladder set before you and you will fulfillingly die with grace and be reborn.

We can do anything we want. We should just be willing enough to learn about the different tools to choose from and create based on the function of these tools.

2007-05-12T18:42:00.000-07:00

Blake Lewis - You give love a bad name

I just can't get enough of this song! of Blake! He is the epitome of uniqueness. I get a lot f inspiration from this guy. One of the coolest in AI so far for me.

Comfy?

2007-05-12T04:32:00.000-07:00

I was thinking to myself one time that people who are really successful are very comfortable with themselves and with who they really are.

Take Pink for example. When she performed in American Idol this week you wouldn't say that she was little nice girl... oh no! She performed with all the angst, all the rocker grit. She wasn't carrying a "sexy" body. Well not the type most men think of as vavoom at least. Her body is very muscular and toned but if she didn't work out she would have looked like a big woman. Still she carries herself with dignity and anyone can see that she is proud to be who she is.

Queen Latifa is another good example. She just brings it wherever she is, whatever her state. She is so curvy and always gorgeous.

Really i believe we arent as fat as we think. "Fat" is all a state of mind. Ever wonder why there are some people who never get fat no matter what they eat? Its because they don't have fat thoughts at all.

I am now getting inspiration from people like the ones mentioned above. These people love their bodies and have high self esteem. This is how everyone should be responding to the way we see ourselves. We should find our bodies assets and be thankful for them, enhance all our one of a kind features and bring them to life.

Love your own skin because you should be comfy living in this physical life. If you accept yourself in all facets then you will feel free as a bird.

Day Spent Half-Half

2007-05-07T08:10:00.000-07:00

This day was most unusual. never in my life have Spent half a day cleaning. WOW now that this day has ended and I look back at it, I feel really proud of myself and of chessy too (because she is the one I old responsible for domesticating me).

Being clean in all areas of your living space is very essential to quality living not only on the physical side but the spiritual side also. Now I know how much I am grateful for all the graces in my life including my neat and clean abode.

Today When i woke up i went straight to the laundry area and washed my clothes, then chessy and I cleaned the laundry area itself and got rid of all of the muck there. We then cleaned both the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms.Lastly, I swept the fllor in the room. I was so thatnkful today that we didnt have any tutor class.

THAT WAS THE FIRST HALF

After cleaning, we both decided to reward ourselves so we decided to watch Spiderman in Gateway.
First we had a scrumptuous hearty meal then we proceeded on to Gateway. When we got there we bought the tickets at once for the earliest show. We went to Dairy Queen got a couple of milkshakes that were worth every penny. For the highlight of the night we watched spideraman and to my opinion it was the best out of the three. James Franco is super HOT and is really nice in person. He is very friendly to his fans, (this is based on my dads encounter with him in hollywood... :D) There were so many enemies in this movie.

THAT WAS THE SECOND HALF

I love this day it was worth every minute. Rewards are important after a hard days work and you can feel them more gloriously after them. So, when you have a hard day, make the most out of it and give a white for every black... they are both beautiful shades really.....

Imploding Eyes

2007-05-01T06:28:00.000-07:00

This day whas somewhat different from the others. I was alone throughout most of it. I thought I would enjoy my time considering the fact that I haven't been alone this long for ages.

At first it turned out ok, as noramal as any day would. I went to work, finished, went to eat lunch in Sweet Inspirations (a very satisfying meal, no doubt about it), went to National bookstore (to get the new pencil that I left) and then finally set my way home.

I was so excited to get home because I knew that there would be no one there and taht I had the internet, house, and computers all to myself. I then continued on to make a mind movie which was very fulfilling. For the first time I tried using Microsoft Movie maker and it was really fun! WOW!... i haven''t finished it yet though.

Throughout the day expected myself to have brought my mood to a indelibly good one but it just so happened that "Mas" my alter ego gripped me again. I began to hover a bit over my little worries and i felt sweetly sad because of some reality that has dawned on me and that i cannot really prevent. Aiports constantly encompass the same emotion that i was feeling a while ago.

I wanted to cry just of it but i couldn't. So my eyes imploded instead. It was implosion to a strong degree also because of the amount of radiation that my eyes sucked in caused by my fiddling with the computer the whole day.

Ah my little drama! it can be an intant hit within a matter of seconds. My inner monologues amuse my half self sometimes. To the flipside it does the oposite to my egoic self.

What is a drama without a paradox right? To end this all of i must say that I really saw myself in that movie scene today and what I can say is that my acting sucks and i am a bit bored heheh!

Conclusion: "Find Something F***Kin useful to do!"

Right and Wrong

2007-04-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

This day started out right I felt very optimistic. I went to my tutor class, had a little surprise was happy to see "you know who" . Then, after class and the sweltering heat while walking, I went straight to Gateway and bought "The Secret". I did know that the video version of this is phenomenal. What i didn't know was how much MORE phenomenal the book was.

The book just opened up but not slowly. My pace while reading it was so smooth but really exciting at the same time. It was like I was reading something I always knew but was now manifesting itself in front of me.
The main theme of the book is that "Thought creates your own reality" and furher n throughout the day the Universe really showed me what it meant.

I spent around four hours in Coffee Bean reading. My sister came in and we spent a good time just talking. After that I went home and the opposite of the sweltering heat presented itself.... It actually rained! Hard for that matter.

Whe i came home I bathed and after doing what I planned, I felt so sleepy but i was resisting it. Because of that, i felt so weak. Then i read I quote sent to me online.

"If you think that your day is going bad, I am the voice that tells you to shift and rock on!" - The Universe

So NOW I am writing this and now I see that thought really does do everything. EVERYTHING.

Music Felon (heheh) sorry ches!

2007-04-25T00:08:00.001-07:00

311

Eureka! I found a way on how to steal all of chesys songs from her computer!

I was using the internet one time and i noticed that there was a flash drive near the computer. It gave me the idea to buy my own flash drive. BUT WAIT A MINUTE! Flash drives are a bit pricey..... hmmm... so I thought... well it still would be better to invest for that than for and useless stuff like more clothes or more shoes right?

So... I decided to go to CD-R King in the Katipunan area and get one.... To my surprise, it was cheaper than I thought it would be....

I became ecstatic! heheh... so i got it rght away...

The first thing that came to my mind was to get my files from peoples computers then to get my beloved music from more sources!

Now i just posted some music on multiply.... so check them out! I just listened to Blakes fave band! 311 ... WOOHHOOOOO

Music is the language I will always speak.... and i will never stop learning how to speak it too...

Dragons

2007-04-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

One of my most treasured interests... dragons! I love them... I think them such intelligent creatures. They are masters of their kind. You can learn a whole lot about them. They are so in touch witht hemselves and with all the other entities that they deal with. I must have been a dragon in my past life. And yes I do believe in them....

My Maya- Aztec reading! (so swak!)

2007-04-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

Your Most Personal Traits -- The Day-Sign of Your Birth Here are your strongest and most obvious personality traits. The delineation below describes who you are and how you appear to others, at least on the surface. In Aztec astrology this part of is your horoscope is your Tonalli, or Day-Sign, the form bestowed upon you by the Sun.
Grass: Like most born on this day-sign, you are a very sensitive persons. You may be emotionally fragile, psychic, or simply very aware of the emotional and psychic dynamics that go on around you. It is this awareness that is at the core of your politeness and personal refinement. You can be easily hurt through rejection or by criticism, though you usually do not let on to others that something has upset you. You are soft on the surface but hard underneath.
You have strong, almost driving, ambitions and you work very hard to achieve your goals. You don't over-stress yourself, however, it is your persistence that counts most. You are competitive, but prefer to avoid direct competition. Working alone is often a good solution to your primary dilemma of self-interest vs. self-sacrifice. Ultimately, you want peace, almost at all costs, and will work very hard to avoid a fight or even bad feelings.

The underlying drives described above are more important in understanding yourself than you may realize. You are a person who is striving to heal and transform negative personality traits. There are parts of you that are completely private, because they are unacceptable socially. You struggle with your urges and compulsions alone, but you also gain control over them.
There is a very practical bent in your thinking. Many Grass personalities are problem solvers, designers or engineers. You can handle details well and, after an appropriate amount of deliberation, can be decisive and executive. You also have a strong investigative streak and are attracted to careers or activities that search, dig or uncover things.

In general, you are conservative and practical and present to others a point-of-view that does not upset or challenge the status quo -- and this makes you popular with others. If you are a performer, and most Grass types love music, you play the hits that the crowd loves. Your sense of what is going to be well-received makes you well qualified to be an advertiser, promoter or spokesperson.

Your Deeper Self -- The 13-Day Week of Your Birth Each of us reacts to the world around us in different ways. Our reactions are mostly unconscious; they represent what our deeper self needs. Our reactions both attract and repel us from things, people, and situations. What we like, what we like to do, and who we really are is shown by the 13-day week called the Trecena that we were born under. Each of these periods begins with the number 1 and the name of the day-sign that starts it. A number is attached to your position within the 13-day period that may be an important number for you.
This is the seventh day of the 13-day period beginning with 1-Death. Beneath your surface personality you have a strong committment to your community. You will sacrifice time for others, though you are often not sure just why it is that you do this. You have an extremely strong sense of tradition and are attracted to history and antiquities. You are, ultimately, a very down-to-earth person, conservative, with strong feelings (which you supress) about community and political matters. You may find success in activities involving homes and real estate matters.

No Better Than

2007-04-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

There is no such thing as better in this world. I have fully encompassed it right now... The only thing there is is different and unique.

This is the main reason why in this world, there is no need for intimidation and insecurities, for jealousy and pride, there is no need for NEED itself. We are all special.

Let me give you a more graphic example that i may explain this fully..

Person A has an A energy.... Person B has a B energy... since both people originated from different families and inherently have distinct characteristics. If person A tries to imitate person B's way of speaking (for example) then no matter how hard person A tries to "photocopy" it, she'll end up producing a similar sound but still not entirely the same manner of speaking. The reason is because, they are INDIVIDUATIONS of the one grand energy source which you can call as GOD.

It is all quite a paradox really but one that your very inner core can understand.

My Year Cycle for 2007 (you can compute your own too!)

2007-04-18T02:11:00.000-07:00

a journey of change,freedom, and NEW experience

"A man should never be ashamedto own he has been in the wrong,which is but saying that he is wiser todaythan he was yesterday.Alexander Pope "

Welcome to the exciting and unpredictable 5 year cycle. Its energy is that of change, freedom, variety, choice, the sudden and unexpe cted, the unusual, and the physical. This year will be quite an experience for you - new experience. You now stand at the halfway point of an entire nine-year cycle of your life. The first four years are behind you. The last four are yet to come. The circumstances of this year will enable you to know the difference between the “old” you, the “present” you and the “potential” you. Expect a substantial change in your life, or a sequence of smaller changes which will lead to a whole new way of life for you. The 5 year cycle provides opportunities to turn your life around by setting off in a direction that is totally different to any you have taken before. The best way to approach this journey is with a complete change of attitude. Last year’s 4 cycle was limiting and restrictive. This year, you must focus on being limitless and free.Opportunities will surround you all year, but you must be able to recognize them when they appear. This will require an open and adventurous mind. Learn to pick and choose carefully between your various options. Take only those which pertain to your true desires and not just your temporary whims. If you try to take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself this year, the confusion of so much diversity will limit your ability to focus. This could prevent success in any area. If your cyclical energies could be seen as roads or highways, route #5 would be the widest and busiest. This is where all traffic seeks a change in course. Without a basic goal or sense of direction, accidents occur and people find themselves in places they don’t want to be. Start out with a firm ambition in mind, a specific sense of destination. But do be flexible. Even the best laid plans can change or be changed without warning signs of any kind. Remember: 5 is the number of the sudden and the unexpected. You are now on a fast-paced journey which is filled with excitement, opportunity, and action. It is an adventure into life. It is a time to discover what is actually out there for you by experiencing things you have not experienced before. This year is likely to be full of new people, new places, and new possibilities. An opportunity may fall right into your lap, or you may find yourself going back and forth, in all directions, as you consider whether a particular change of course is what you want or not. A decision must be made, and courage may be required. The choices you make should be based on your feelings about the situation, along with a conscious understanding of the probable outcome of your choices. This does not mean that you should judge something before you have experienced it. It means that you must be aware of how one change can create a chain reaction of many changes. It is essential that you know what you are feeling on a moment-by-moment basis. Denied feelings remain trapped inside you and take away from your freedom. This year you will be releasing all that unexpressed emotion which has weighed you down for far too long.The world is opening up for you now. It is inviting you to experience life to the fullest. Yes, experience itself is what is on offer to you this year. In order to receive it, some mistakes may have to be made. Remember, however, that a mistake becomes experience when its lesson is learned and not repeated. Now you must realize your mistakes and allow them to evolve into expertise. Alexander Graham Bell, for instance, invented the telephone by accident. He was actually trying to invent a hearing aid. One of the biggest mistakes you could make this year is giving up on something you feel strongly about before you have given yourself the opportunity to experience it in a state of freedom. You do not always have to lose what you have in order to get what you want. It is guilt, disguising itself as fear, that makes you feel this way. Loosen up and feel the freedom that exists within, regardless of your external situation. This powerful feeling will help you to change your outer circumstances. The 5 vibration is acutely attuned to your own expectations and desires. It is also the principle energy involved in sex and reproduction. Conception most often takes place when the 5 energy is active. What will you conceive this year? A child? An idea? A plan? What are you expecting? Don’t reject the changes that the 5 year brings. Without change, we stagnate. Some changes will occur suddenly and unexpectedly, while others will be initiated by your own effort. Expect the unexpected. Be prepared for anything. Concentrate on feeling free and fortunate. Understand that you are where you are so that you can prosper from the experience of it.Be aware of the absolute reality of your life at all times. It is upon your reality that you must base your choices and make the appropriate changes. Assess the aspects you believe are holding you back. Most of them will turn out to be your own restrictive beliefs and thought patterns which you are keeping in place because you will not accept that there are alternatives. When freedom of mind and emotion is achieved, you will see that other people are not holding you back at all. Situations you think are beyond your control are not stopping you from moving forward. The truth is that you are causing your own stagnation by not changing what needs to be changed inside you.Get away from old routines and do something different. Look for those new directions. Do not scatter your attention and spread yourself too thin, jumping from one thing to another without actually accomplishing anything. Focus on what you want. Your curiosity can lead to greater possibilities or to disappointment. 5 is a very sexual and physical energy, and these areas of your life will be very much in focus this year. However, do not fall into the trap of overindulgence in the physical aspects of life which include food, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, taking foolish chances, and extravagance. Such behavior gives the appearance of freedom, but is actually an addiction of some kind. Excesses can create unexpected reversals which will impede your progress. That would be both sad and unnecessary this year. Place a special emphasis on your body. Take care of it. Respect it. Strengthen it. Become more aware of your physical senses and abilities. Use your senses creatively. Get adequate rest and relaxation. Love your body and enhance your physical comfort. Be aware of the sexual nature of the 5 year cycle.See things as they really are. Accept that one person’s reality is not the same as another’s. Honesty is essential because freedom cannot flow outside of reality. Start by being honest with yourself and you will see that honesty has nothing to do with laws, rules and regulations. It has to do with straightforwardness, truth, and self-acceptance. Head games and manipulation are likely to backfire on you. Try to be genuine at all times.This is a year for accomplishment, fun, travel, expansion, and contrast. Your horizons are much broader now, so stay clear of dull and mundane routines, beliefs, and attitudes. 5 has all the elements of being in the “fast lane”. If you set out confidently, with a specific goal in mind, you will be able to relax and enjoy these action-packed episodes. You will feel love, peace, exhilaration, and self confidence instead of fear, turmoil, loss, and exhaustion. Set your sights high and delight in this year of change, variety, adventure, opportunity and, above all, FREEDOM.

Personality Test

2007-04-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

INFJ - "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

I pat myself at the back

2007-04-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

Today I just screwed up a bit.. but nothing I can't handle. Here it goes, i made a promise to a friend that i would do a favor for him... everything was set, planned, all taken care of. Here comes a situation in where I am talked to and had to back out of my promise. Another opportunity down the drain.

I disappointed him and partly myself too......

But in the grandest version of why this happened I have many to thank.... I have a lot to learn.

I learn the value of patience and how much i need it in my life to see how perfect everything already is!

This pursuasion is hindered because the underground tellsme so wihtout even knowing in the conscious level. I am having a duel with my different dimensions but in one point in time I shall force them to cooperate for what I claim my purpose is for now.

"Just calm down....", apart of me says, "Do not think about it".... " It is not fully your soul speaking if your mind gets in the way"

Whats Next?

2007-03-30T02:30:00.000-07:00

It was my birthday yesterday! I was generally satisfied with how everything turned out... I am actually 18! the freaking legal age to smoke already! hahah! now thats funny! i was just pondering bout it yesterday morning while i was in 7 11. anyhoo.... I am in another one of my creative splurges! i am happy to announce that. There are just some times when i totally block it off... there are some times however when if is just utterly overflowing. I think i prefer the latter. The thing is although in my state right now I do prefer the latter, I wouldn't have a preference unless i experienced the other. As people of this earth (this certain unique dimension we chose for this lifetime..) we have to accept that this is what we chose well specifically our souls chose heheh.. so we have nothing to be ashamed of and we shouldn't think that we are imperfect because the fact is we are... no matter what lateral path we chose for the meantime.

I have to believe in myself if I am to live this life fully. There is nothing stopping me and I am thankful for that.

While my mom was here, i had a personal dilemma once again. i did not know whether i would go to school this year or not. I pressured myself at that time to keep up with the trend led especially by my fellow batchmates who are turning 2nd year high already! I WANTED to go with everyone elses flow and not pay attention to my own river. I then realize that if you look at my situation in another way I have an advantage not discerned by everyone else. I have the time to rest right now. i am in control of my time. After 4 years of painstaking full on study life in highschool I think i deserve it because i think i will be doing it again pretty soon... so I have to take it easy now. However i have to remember not to stress myself like how i did before.

The coolest cat is the one who takes its time and make the most out of its movement through it. :D

I Can't Sleep and i think its a hidden blessing

2007-02-20T23:32:00.000-08:00

Who do you think I am?

I absolutely could ot sleep today! But I think it is a good thing. Surprisingly while I was trying to sleep (but couldn't) I decided just to keep my eyes open, sitdown and watch my sister get ready to leave. When she had just been about to leave, she stopped short and wanted change the music on her MP3 (since it was not really that "enticing" anymore heheheh!) She turned on her computer and lo and behold the wireless, free internet connection which we underhandedly share with our neighbors was connected! We were so happy and considering that my sister was about to leave, i became ecstatic heheh! So as you now see, i am making the most outof this. i have been surfing and blogging for about one and a half hours now. :P Question: Was it a loss that i wasn't able to sleep, well the answer is both yes and no.... YES! : because I am really tired, i lack sleep and I feel joyously strange.... NO! : because I have been given an opportunity to browse here. Aaaaah... the pund of duality... they are really quite amusing and irritating at the same time ( another irony right there!)

In order to cope up with the ironies of life the best solution is to be ever constantly neutral about EVERYTHING! When at some points in you life you are faced with the "Woe is me" dilemma, just take a deep breath, be conscious of you LIVING for crying out loud and be thankful for you are able to say these two divine words... "I AM". We are here not to put labels of criticisms on ourselves 24/7 but to feel one with life per se. Feel the space between our lives that pretends to take part in all our drama.. it's still there playing the role of the observer as all of us really are.. we are just not aware of who we really are... So if you think you are already sick and tired of everything that this world has to offer think again, you may have been blind the last time you looked; Are you ready to open up your senses?

Freaky Lock-in!!!

2007-02-03T19:37:00.000-08:00

Wow! something freaky happend to me and my band members yesterday man! heheh! We had band rehearsals in IHMC my former school until 7pm. While we were walking downstairs to the exit, all the corridors we passed were sooo dark and scary! It was getting cold too! So its as if we were in a haunted place! When we had been going on out way out...we saw that the front door was locked! We tried to look for other exits but still all the exits were locked! As a last resort, we went upstairs to ask help from the sisters to get out... Whew that was a big relief!

Painting again!

2007-01-20T03:24:00.000-08:00

i think i have decided on what to pursue already..... I really desire to paint and be an artist and at the same time someone who is involved in the events of the times. I must not lag behind the changing times. Openmindedness is the key to any form of art, that and free expression.

One must always have the willingness to know more, seek for knowledge because there is so much that the world has to offer for us but it is up to us to keep our eyes open and see for ourselves. Think of it this way.... what is a text message without cellphone units to send and receive them right?

I know that I am in love with so many things but now i realize that i have to stick to one first in order to become an expert in that field. Time is not supposed to be a threat for me to hurry up because time is merely experiencing a part of space. I know that I am already doing everything right now but my perception is contained in one page of my life first. Thus I choose painting, drawing and the arts for now and for the next four years of college life......

Why do I feel so strange this new year?

2007-01-03T23:19:00.000-08:00

So many things have happened before the year started its hard to enumerate everything. Feeling many feelings as usual but this time its always about matters of the heart. I am such a frustrated freaking person when it comes to the matter. The fact that i am truly frustrated with it is the reason why it has not come yet into my life. Whenever it starts brewing it ceases because of SOME REASON.... haaaayyyy... I admit I do not think I am ready yet. As soon as I get over these confusions I guess i will be. I know that I am mature and I am on my way to being cool with everthing.....

Give me time to breathe I suppose breathe and feel loves sensations slowly but surely.... As this year starts I will try my best to just live life with NO FEAR no inhibitons and just love to rule it.. love in all aspects.... not just the one that deals with mushy romance..... hahaa! :P

What's good for me is good for you

2006-11-04T17:17:00.002-08:00

I like spending time alone and i know that everyone knows that about me. I am what people would call a MONENG. hahahahh! I used to think of myself as selfish whenever I do it and I have always wondered why I love doing it....

I have pondered upon this self issue and have realized that the reason why I do it is because I develop myself. Everyone wants to know more about themselves right? If other people think that i overdo it then they are totally wrong. I believe that the reason we are here on this earh is to know and experience who we are through the events that occur in our lives. We are the ones who choose these events for the sculpting fo our own being.

When I seclude myself alone, like a journeyman, I am putting myself in a whole new world in a whole new surrounding so that I may think things over. The imapact of a persons experiences are determined by the state of the person when it happens to them.

With this habitual isolation from the world i grow. Defining yourself is not conceited because only through that can you be better for others as well. If I were to face you yesterday I wouldnt be what i am today. Yesterday I would have been a bitch but now I am not.

What is good for me is good for everybody else that i encounter in my life.

I can't sleep

2006-10-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

I am in a state where I know that i want to sleep but that there are so many thoughts that are running through my head that I cannot seem to let go of. I need to manifest them in another form and i think that this entry would just be it.

Today, I went to IHMC to have band practice with Euphonia and our friend judy. At first we were a bit tense considering the fact that we were put under time constraint and once again that we are cramming the next band guest performance for the 28th. When we went on practicing however, we became more comfortable and we were having fun.

Its like it was a snippet of being in highschool all over again! I have to admit i miss highschool. I never thought that i really would. These people become part of your blood. A part of you.

Its great that in highschool people manage to know each other very well.... and they make an effort to do so. i think it has something to do with people being young and adventurous when at that age. When people grow up they become involved witht their egos and fears and become afraid to reveal themsleves sometimes.

So I have noticed that even people you know are afraid of meeting other people...

Its just a matter of being out there.Anyway, today.. (since its 1:40 am na) is also my quartet/band's anniversary. We have been together for a year and we are still rockin on! I am so happy that we have kept our ties.... we are still whole up till now. I hope we will be for a long time....

I am getting sleepy night!

Voices

2006-10-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

It is just quite difficult to distinguish the difference between your intuition and your mind. The voices sound the same, in the same intonation.

They do say however that your intuition is the first one that tells you to do something without hesitation. They also say that your mind is the one who contradicts that and tells you to do otherwise making you deviate from yourfirst thought. But, what if your minds messages of anxieties was your intuition as well?

Oh life! Sometimes i just want to start anew. Whenever I get into these trifle dilemmas i want to repeat this lifetime with a whole new beginning.

I guess that going through your everday troubles just means having guts. One has to be strong enough to face what lies beyond what you cannot see from your own perspective right now.

Your mind is equal to fear. Sometimes one has to be fearless and fierce, sometimes one has to be wary. small glimpses of fear is not always bad, it makes you think of the worst case scenario. It makes your whole self be prepared for anything. One cannot say what is possible to happen since so many identities are being sculpted at the moment of now.

Waddling and absorbing fear, however, can cause your whole life to alter. People tend to stay stuck in their comfort zones refusing to budge with much conviction
I would rather live my life ou tto the fulest whatever happens. I have to stop making my heart beat so fast at the thought of death. I have to look at its core and burst out laughing at the sight of it. The irony is that everyone will die anyway at their chosen times and as of now i am alive. I choose to be. :D

Moving OUT!!!

2006-09-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

After a long wait, we are finally moving out! There are boxes everywhere in this house, trucks come and go. I just can't believe this is happening oh so fast! There are many advantages and disadvantages with moving to Cainta. I shall now present each of them....

Advantages:

We will be living near a mall!!!!! -----MOVIES BABY! :D and of course SHOPPING!!!!
I will have a bigger room! wooohooooooooooooooo!
I will have more space to make my artwork
There are a lot of CHEAP convenieance stores around

Disadvantages:

I will lose a student... ( Peter Choi)
it is more expensive to go to places where other people are.
Ang layo!!!!!

Oh well the ratio is 4:3, i guess advantages win! I am ready for a new life in a new place at a new home. Change is the only unchanging thing.

It is just a bit sad that you inevitably have to be displaced from one comfort zone to another. Once you get a system working or once you have a routne for the day, that is when the winds drag you forcefully to another place. Well i wouldn't want to resist the forces. These things they give MEANING to the stages in your life. Imagine if there was nothing pushing us to move on, we would just be stuck in one place without even wishing to go on.

COMFORT=FEAR sometimes I view it that way. We can get so scared to get out of our shells sometimes. I suppose it is time to react to it in a different way. Maybe things will turn out better if we are filled with excitement for every next experience.

Hmmm... nah! It would be better to have a combinatioon of both being reminscent and excited. We can keep the memories of the past and loook forward to what is in store for us.

Dunno What to expect???... Don't expect at all...

2006-09-07T00:50:00.000-07:00

I went to my student Peter's house the other day. When I got there, once again he had not showered and he felt very uncomfortable. He wasn't able to freshen up after school because his room was locked and he did not have the key. Naturally, we still had to continue with our session.

He was totally not in the mood to study because i am sure that he felt uneasy and sticky. I don't think he was even able to eat.

He was grumpy the whole session and it thus became the worst meeting I have had with him so far. He wasn't paying attention and we were both unhappy to HAVE to spend our time with each other just because of the agreement I had with his mother.

I became pissed after that and I was thinking of totally giving up as being his academic tutor.

Yesterday, it was quite the contrary. He was willing to study so much. Its as if he was gifted with a natural aptitude for his schoolwork. It was so easy to teach him!

I now notice that I have been to the extremes with this kid in the span of two days!

Because of these situations I now have a trick up my sleeve, I should not have expectations of any kind. These things are to be treated like an adventure that you are about to embark on. This way you will roll with the wheel and feel the pleasure of the way things are at a given moment.

Naning!

2006-08-28T18:07:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I miss my dad soooo much. I went to my uncle's party yesterday. He is my dad's best friend. When I saw him its like I was looking at my dad. They are just sooo alike its scary! The way they dress is the same; the way they move and bring themselves is just so fatherly to me.

I sang for my tito last night, "Somewhere" and "Moon River" as well.

Oldie songs have a different feel to them. As my sister said, songs are like time capsules, they save a moment in time that you are not currently in and they bring you back to remember it. Songs are so amazing that even though you were not even born during the time when it was composed or released in public, you still know its vibe.

I can tell that my uncle enjoyed watching me sing... I saw his eyes and they were soft and happy.

Because of my reminiscent nostalgic mood yesterday, I dreamt of my dad last night. I dreamt that he died and that I was grieving for such a long time because I wasn't able to see or be with him for about 3 years already.

I woke up with my pillow wet because it was kind enough to absorb my tears. I was so relieved to discover that it was all just a DREAM ...

Haaay! Parents! Sometimes you miss them so badly but sometimes you want to go on your way separate from them as one discovering things on your own. The divine dichotomy.....

The Sweetest Thing

2006-08-23T05:14:00.001-07:00

"Ain't love the sweetest thing...."

Currently Listening to:
"The Sweetest Thing" by U2

I wake up in the morning and unexpectedly fiddle with the computer, there take a look at the time website and see the 50 coolest sites. I search for an art site and go to links leading me to illustration friday.com. It's so cool that I decide to plan a new website dedicated only to art. ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

Next Gwen invites me to tag along with them to go to SM. When I got there... I saw professional art materials and finally find out their price so i can save up for them! ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

Gwen footed the bill for our Wendy's lunch! ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I edited a poster for my Kuya... and listened to U2's album at the same time... ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I witness my student crying for the first time, tried to comfort him and prayed for him on the spot. >> Lost 40 mins of studying because of it.<< ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I talked to my cousin about her silly ventures in life and had fun with the conversation! ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I talked to two former classmates from my highschool batch and gave them advice. ("Whoahoooh the sweetest thing!")

I have healed, talked, taken in the discomforts of other peoples lives.... i feel drained but great at the same time. I think I just might draw tomorrow or finish my template design. I dunno but everything that has happened made me feel just ...."The Sweetest Thing" hahhahah!

NOTE: THIS ALL HAPPENED TODAY!!!!

Sleeping and dreaming myself to truth

2006-08-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

Just Watched:
"The Wild"

I just watched Disney's the wild. Twas ok. Truthfully I may say that i was expecting more for a Disney movie but everything may have some flops sometimes right. It's just plainly nature's law. It was still funny and cute of course.

Back to my topic. DREAMING

The last dream that I remembered was one mixed up dream that was filled with different short stories. I suppose that was how I was feeling two days ago. Many things were in my head.

First I dreamt that I was in my cousin's house, I slept over and we really bonded a lot.

Next, I dreamt that two very dear friends who were a couple broke up because the other one gambled and that they promised to each other that not ne of them would EVER gamble. I tried to hear both sides. One of them really wanted to talk to me about it that although she was a very busy girl she still followed me to where I was scheduled to go that day and tried to tell her story to me.

Lastly, I dreamt that I went to the INXS concert with some of my relatives, Since it was so crowded there we opted to watch the concert at home instead because it was aired LIVE on television (even though we had front row tickets)

I can say that my dreams that night were a bit vague but I still liked them none the less. I read that dreams are the means by which our souls project into different places. It may happen in the future. It may also be an event that is to happen in the future given that we choose a different path. It may also be something that happened in our past lives.

One thing is for sure in dreams, they show us our deepest desires. They show us who we really are without the physical infuence being imbedded into us. They say that the tired soul likes to dream a lot. That is because the soul is free when it dreams. It is free to choose whatever scenario they want to portray theirselves in without anything stopping them.

So I think that we should always dream 24/7 or all the "time". Anywhere we are we should dream and lose all thought and connection with fear. In dreams we love. In dreams we are noble and brave. In dreams we KNOW where we want to go. Stick by them and they'll lead you right to your own plan for yourself.

How I think history should be presented to us?

2006-08-06T22:59:00.000-07:00

Currently listening to:
"Tell me Baby" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers

History a subject so inevitable to tackle up especially in grade school and high school. I remember the droning monotome voice of my past teachers. Truthully I do find it interesting but thanks to some of my teachers it became a bit of a waste of time, plus.. why do we have to dwell on the past so much?

After I then realized that the passing on of information may not be so accurately done. Think of it as this way.....

The Bible, it is a book of compiled stories of the ancient peoples witness of the coming of the Son of Man. Who wrote it? Many people did. When did they exactly write it? We don't really really know. This is the best question... How are we so sure that the information that was written years and years ago did not alter? How are we so sure that it wasn't changed all over the years. Those stories have been passed by so many people and we don't know how keen they were on presenting the whole TRUTH of what happened.

Its just like "tsismis". A perfect way to prove that its just like gossip is by playing Chinese whispers. The game is simple. Think of a phrase then pass the message on to the person beside you through whispering. The message cannot be repeated once it is said. I guarantee you that the last person who receives the message wll say the most far off phrase form the first one and your whole group will have an abdominal workout while laughing.

So... How are you so sure that HIS Story is not different form OUR Stories at the present time. :P

2006-08-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

It says here that my eyes "should" be brown and what do you know! I do havce brown eyes! I am so happy to say that I am very thankful for all my features in by face and body. I believe that they really are a part of me.

Through the grape vine

2006-08-02T23:34:00.000-07:00

"Squishing grapes to juice them is the first step to making the delectable taste of wine"

This is another way of saying when you are being pressured it is just another way of bringing out the best in you.

For the past few months during vacation and a short time after, I have been pressured to my full extent. I think if I am not mistaken that this is the most pressured I have ever felt even more than I was in school. I was not given that certain feeling by other people. They did not impose it on me. I am doing it to myself ironically. That is to say, I am doing it because of the influence of my surroundings.

Since I have not been given the privilege to study for a few months now I am anxious by the fact that I have not been advancing in schoolwork. Truthfully, before these series of events happened, I wished this. I never knew that I would feel like this. I thought that it would kind of be like I would be having an extended vacation of some sort. Or maybe, i would just spend time doing things that would interest me and hopefully hone my talents before it is time to use it once again.

I am thankful of my friend Paula because she reminded me that I should not deserve this torture. She told me that she knows that I am just resting my talents for now because I suppose that I have overused them for the past decade and a half. I can compare them to a dormant volcano that is ready to explode but is just not showing it. Now i am slowly getting back on track. Opportunities have come out from hiding and now I have been painting and teaching for income.

I am getting there. I am molding a whole new world to live in. I am off to go.

Socializing

2006-07-31T19:32:00.000-07:00

For the past few days now, I have been socializing with groups of people. It has been so fun and exciting in a way.

Yesterday i hung out with Paulina's Cebuano friends again. It was so nice of them because they shared dimsum with me. It was so freaking good man! SO DIFFERENT. It was cool because now I kind of understand their converstaions betterthan when I last hung out with them. I just catch a few Bisaya words that are derivations of Tagalog and sometimes I get the meanings of what they say through facial expressions and stuff. It was cool! It was like looking at a whole different culture and how they express themselves but at the same time manage to relate witht them as well...

The other day, I went to Charlaine's debeut. Wonderful party! It was simple and open. It was wacky and insane. It was just as it should be. There were emotional times in it. There were arcane times. hahah!

I realized during those moments how I really missed my friends and the company that I got used to having for 4 freaking years. I suppose it will never be the same. If it were the same though I wouldn't miss them as much. You know the feeling when you want those moments back sooo badly because they will never come back. I just thought about that and now I realize that I don't want them back because if they are back i might not appreciate it as much as I do now. I may just find it as the NORMAL thing that i usually face everyday. It will thus be nothing to cherish anymore. I say keep things at that.

Anyway I am happy that I got to mingle with these groups. I had a blast!

I am Back part 2

2006-07-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

I never thought that my adventure learning about marine wildlife would start in a restaurant. Rea and Noel started elaborating on how diving was so fascinating and that once you start it would be difficult to stop. They even said something that really intrigued me. They said that diving is the closest to flying. How ironic can that be right? He said that when you are in the water going against the current and you ride the current back to where you were, it’s like you are gliding.

What I concluded out of this short statement is that the sea and the atmosphere are the same even though they are made out of different stuff. I just gave my full focus of that thought and was bewildered by God’s amazing talents.

After having a more than decent meal we went back to our accommodation and had a little drinking session with my friend MUDSLIDE! Yumm! We then talked about diving and about the medical world where Rea and Noel happened to be in. After those countless stories in the emergency room (which are too long to elaborate further) we finally put an end to our long tiring day.

The morning after we went straight to Batangas. When we came to the resort, we immediately we changed into our bathing suits and hopped on to the boat.

The boat ride was indeed intense for the waves were growing freaking bigger and bigger. When we finally came to the spot, we snorkeled under the sea.

At first I had a hard time breathing through the mask but I got the hang of it eventually. Woe and behold lay beautiful creatures of the sea mingling with each other by their beautiful homes. Although it was a bit dark we still managed to see quite a lot and I can say that it was indeed FANTASTIC. I saw NEMOS AND DORIES! In actual life! I saw a few other fishes that were very colorful and unique.

If my sister hadn’t called me up onto the boat I would have stayed there forever.

The adventure I thought was over but to my surprise something quite amusing happened, we got STUCK! We were stranded for a while on another shore because it rained like it was the end of the world. It wasn’t just pitter patter but it was PLOK PLOK PLOK PLOK PLOK with sand. It was like being lashed but by ants all over your body. To make use of the time I was just laughing my ass off!

I am Back part 1

2006-07-23T06:05:00.000-07:00

I have not been blogging for a while now… simply because I have not had any ideas. The last supposed entry I was gonna write about has passed me by. I do not remember the details about it that much and it was a bit crazy soooo… I will just let that be. I am not meant to share it with the public I guess.

This entry though, I cannot let that happen to this entry coz I am BACK! I am in the mood to write again… My mind is overflowing with concepts. My creativity is oooozzzzing back towards where it wants to be.

I have been in a solitary state for a few weeks now. Solitary in a sense that, I have not thought of anything original to do, draw, sing, or say. Not that I have been a useless piece of wreckage it’s just that I have been scattered.

What triggered me to going back is this weekend of spontaneity. It started like all weekends do. I had a plan to got to Batangas with Gwen, Kuya and Bine-Bine but I did not have any expectations.

Saturday morning, I was trying to complete a concept in my head about some art project I was doing for Kuya Robbie. I ended up reading Eragon the whole morning. After lunch, early afternoon, I came to a part in the book where something MAJOR happened but I had to go to national bookstore and buy poster paint. SO I took a bath changed then went. Paulina came along with me.

When I entered the bookstore I went straight to the paint section and got the necessary colors I needed. Went to the professional paint section then AGAIN to look at the prang watercolors that were there. It was a bit expensive but Paige convinced me to get it. I got a big piece of watercolor paper to go with it as well.

I came home then I tested it. It was really cool I loved it. I then packed because we were about to leave for Tagaytay. (Our first stop before Batangas)

We went to a Belo clinic to meet up with Kuya’s friends Rea and Noel because we were riding with them.

When we reached Tagaytay and ate in Josephine’s. I learned a whole lot about diving there. It was very interesting to hear about. I was itching to learn more. Thus that moment was the start of my adventure.

Unraveling me

2006-06-27T05:29:00.000-07:00

Who would have ever thought that I would miss highschool this much? Its weird! I wanted to get out of it soooo badly now I want it back soooo badly! Now incredibly I know how it feels. When I was heatedly in it.. I often wondered how people manage to miss highschool when it gets so hectic and annoying. Now I know that once you are out of it, it becomes so likely to be something that triggers nostalgia for a home you've known how to get around in for 12 years.

Everything has been haunting me.. but I have to manage a way to find a whole new life... I am now starting GRADUALLY. I am moving out of my comfort zone toward another mundane realm that seems at first glance... very CRAZY. This is how I can know how special I can be and how special everyone is. This is how I can discover that we are all really ONE and that there is never anything to fear except fear itself. It is time to spend energy wisely now. It is not time to waste energy being angry and anxious. It just inconcievable. I have better things to do.

It will never be the same now. I do not want it to. I want to move on to another part of the uncovering me.

Bono Boboed experience!

2006-06-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

My sister Gwen went to the states for a two month vacation this last April-May. When she came home to the Philippines, she told me about an encounter she had in the Florida airport. While they were there, my niece Sabine wanted to have her picture taken with the Snow White Statue nearby. While she was having her picture taken by her Dad, my sister saw a man walk by who looked EXACTLY like Bono. She came nearer then she observed the man more closely. Since she knew that I was an avid supporter of U2, she took out her camera and went even nearer. They were just two one and a half meters apart when she overheard a man saying… “Nah that couldn’t be him!” She was also skeptical since she saw Bono with short hair, he was alone, and he was short. So being in her position, she dismissed the idea that the man COULD be BONO PAUL HEWSON of U2.

After she told the story we didn’t talk about it anymore. But then….

Yesterday while we were talking together, I talked to her about the Conan O’ Brien show that featured U2 the whole night and the Today show the morning after. I was telling her that I was really attracting the energy for any new of U2 to be heard by me. I was telling her that the people around me tell me of U2’s appearances on TV without me even asking them to. Then in the middle of the talk, I casually stated that Bono had been featured on the Today show because he was in Africa for some humanitarian works and that he had his hair shortened maybe because it was hot.

Gwen said, “What! You said his hair was short! That was the main reason why I didn’t bother talking to the guy!” I said, “WHAT! But he was in New York! Meaning he might have stopped over Florida!”
We went gaga!!! We then found out that Florida was on the tip of America!!!!, and that Africa was just on the lower right side, with no other island to stop over in between!.... When Gwen also found out that he wasn’t really that tall and after she saw the pictures of Bono and the outfits he liked wearing… She was really convinced that it was him…

For more tangible proof that it was really Bono… we found out that Florida had really been a stop over for humanitarian groups when they would travel from America to Africa. We found out that my sister had been in the airport on May 22 and that Bono arrived in Africa on May 22 as well…

To my surprise, I cried! I was overwhelmed! Because at the time when the incident happened… I had my strongest desire ever to meet Bono… So… mark my words…. I WILL MEET HIM! I ALREADY HAVE MET HIM! It is only a matter of how I move through time but I do now that it has ALREADY happened…

Pink Panther

2006-06-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

I watched the movie Pink Panther Today, the new one with Steve Martin and Beyonce Knowles. I have observed that I like Steve Martin and his acting! He is sometimes overacting but that is what makes him unique! He is just so funny he makes my day! He just entertains so naturally as if he were programmed to do it! i just love it!

I have to lighten my blog entries man! they are too spiritual! Paulina reminded me to lighten m blog entries and I sure will! hahah! when i write about funny experiences I don't take them as anything lower than the emotional entries... for me they are ranked the same even tough they are totally different.

Anyway... I really want to watch all the classic pink panther movies as well... I love the cartoon it really fits... since the pink panther diamond always moves always out and about. I never really knew that the pink panther was a diamond... I thought it was a cartoon! hheheh!

One thing really interesting about the movie is the theme, the composition...... It was written by Henry Mancini... same person who composed Moon River. I am going to research about him and his works. My cousin said that he actually composed the themes for most of the movies of his time... that seems really cool.

10%

2006-06-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

I have done something today that I have never done before. I have been wanting to do this for the longest time already and now I have and I am ecstatic. It has amounted to something that can stand forever for it great cause.

Do you know the one.org? It is an organization founded by one of the greatest ROCK STARS in the world, Paul Hewson or more popularly known as BONO. Because of this organization, I have been so curious about political affairs affecting the majority of the worlds population and those are the people who live in extreme poverty. Now this organization has not only done this to me but it has also helped me become more aware about the status of people who are in desperate need of help regarding to their health. Cancer, autism, and many other things.

Because of this initiating factor for my shift in consciousness I have been attracting this. I like reading the TIME magazine now. The book I am reading (conversations with God book 2) is tackling these issues as well.

These experiences helped me be more concerned on the welfare of the majority of the people. I know that I am just a tiny little particle in this big mass of universe but I BELIEVE that if every particle continues to work in the name of LOVE then everyone will be given fair chances, equal opportunities to grow and to contribute to help make the beauty of life evident for everyone to notice.

Because of all of these and all my realizations I have now re-acted in a different way in order to rectify myself and hopefully others as well... I have bought a cancer warrior ribbon and I have asked my sister to get me a one.org white band.

Although I did not exactly directly paid for the white band at least I asked my sister to do it for me as a graduation present.

I know that these little actions although tiny as they are have a big effect for me and on me. I am slowly discovering who and what I am.

10% of what you earn is what is used in accumulating money for taxes right? It is required right? Now I can say that although I am not working I am giving 10% voluntarily making someone elses life work 100% well.. Doesn't that feel good? :D

Discover yourself

2006-06-01T03:18:00.000-07:00

I never thought that I would go back drawing again. I became stagnant for a while. After my graduation, I did nothing but read and play the guitar. I during the time of my graduation... I said that I wanted to take up fine arts. People know that I am musically inclined and by the looks of it some think that I am not as passionate about the arts as I am about music. I admit that I have made only a few paintings, portraits or artworks but I assure you when I make them I do them 100 percent. I show all of me. I give it all i have! As in everything.

When I stopped drawing I thought I would never have it again... but because of practice and my willingness... I have even made it better. I have grown! I don't think my creativity will stop because I want to create.. what is my own what I love. I love the arts!

Now I am so convinced that I am for the arts. I will do whatever it takes to make it there and reach as many people as I can. I want to merge what I know and what I feel to it that I may help other people and deliver a message...

I ask the Lord to guide me on this quest that I may show who I am through it.

While I have been discovering myself I have noticed that I should work hard and be patient. I should work in the moment and re-act to what nature says to me. I must be open-minded. I should not be afraid to let the cogs in me work how they naturally do.

Be patient and know that the end result is not the only thing that matters but what matters is the present moment the NOW.

My soul

2006-05-31T23:47:00.001-07:00

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Being Self-centered as good in another perception

2006-05-30T05:06:00.000-07:00

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself"... this is one of the summarized commandments according to the bible. I believe this 100 percent. I want to share to you how I do believe it.

I do not believe it in the sense that I am vain. (The picture doesn't imply what you think) I say that in order to love others and in order to appreciate others you must be able to love yourself. If you always keep that love, hold on to it and never let it falter then the relationships you encounter with others will go on more smoothly than you think. Example....

Lets say the reason you go into a relationship is in order to find completion and make yourself complete.... (That is what people ususally say right?) It will not help you to go into a relationship if this is the case. You will end up being co-dependent of each other and thus setting up "rules" to limit the freedom of the two people in a relationship. This will crush your soul. The "rules" will make the partner feel untrusted and will even (sometimes) deliberately go against them.

If you love yourself you are already complete... but you welcome more love because that is our natural purpose here, is to seek for love. Is to know that you are purely love.

Now if you go and find out who you are and who you want to be by getting into a reationship then this can work so well. If you want to show and stand up to say that you are a being who can share love and a being who knows how to love then things may turn out well... heheheh...

Observation

2006-05-29T07:24:00.000-07:00

Long time no blog! I have been using my sisters macintosh computer lately and it is not very compatible with writing html yet so... Its been quite complicated. I have not blogged in quite a while and I really miss it.

Anyway... one thing I have reeally enjoyed doing nowadays is observing, observing EVERYTHING around me. It is so interesting indeed. It makes you look at the whole world as one big entity. When you scrutinize the specialties and intricacies of what people specifically love doing, you see how complex they are. thus, you get to appreciate the profession of everyone whether he/she be a rap star or a world renowned scientist. I feel so special when its like this. Here you get to see that everyone has a certain space in this world that no one would ever dare take. Each space should be respected because each space represents God and Gods creativity, which is soooooo beautiful!

But anaysis can sometimes be different from observation. Analysis is a thorough look at something including looking for reasons why this thing is like this and this that thing is like that and etc etc etc..... it can trick you sometimes to "judge" things you percieve. This would mean labelling something and thus killing its chance to stand out. For me, if you let people "work on" the things they start it would really mean a lot to them. It would be a hint that we are here in this world to support each other. We are here to give chances for everyone to shine and have a PROUD moment in ones life, one should never condemn ideas whether crazy or mundane. If you notice, those "CRAZY" ideas are those which make a stand when the majority of the people are evoved and enlightened enough to accept them.

Not Wanting More

2006-05-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

Not wanting more than what you have especially when it comes to material things is really hard. I don't know before, whenever i would go somewhere and see something I want to have I always get uneasy and the frustration of not haveing that thing ruins my day. The truth is that I have seen through so many forms that I do get what I want but it comes at the specific time that it is NEEDED. I used to hate waiting for money to come I wanted it to come at once. Once I get it I ALWAYS get buyer's remorse when buying something. I always think that I ue my money so unwisely no matter what I get.

The thing that is making me feel this way truly is envy, jealousy. These two things usually create dissapointments which are worth putting your control over. These two things make you look at what you think you lack and all your pessimisms. These make me feel poisoned.

I do not like feeling these emotions but I ave chosen to feel them that I may know how good it feels NOT to feel them. Tis all apart of the life I have chosen to live. Now, I choose o live in satisfaction of what I have. Through this I can create beautifully with the means I have, with the appreciation of every single blessing given to me. Through this I can be me. The Sam worth seeing and the one who feels good with what she is doing. This sam is learning how to love herself and see that she is already beautiful without having to rely on material things for comfort with my life.

A Tribute to Chris Daughtry

2006-05-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

I know people would think of me as very silly indeed by doing this but...I pay tribute to my bet for American Idol Chris Daughtry. I never thought that I would cry when he left the show. I feel extremely terrible indeed. I never saw it coming.

This was the first time that I ever cried just because of an elimination in a measly TV show! I think that he is a great person. and that he is deserving of all his success. He is ture to himself and not afraid to show it.

He is a guy who always looks on to the bright side and he accepts constuctive criticisms very well taht every week that he comes out, he blows out the show with a very WOW performance.

You will always be a winner for me and I look up to you very much... with this I have made a closure...
Bye Chris, I am totally buying your album.

Amazing feeling!

2006-05-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

I have had one of the most wonderful feelings these past few days! I feel all tingly inside. I feel so great because I have been helping out in the school yearbook. I have been editing the descriptions for the students and I have tried out sketching a format for the cover. I have also been experiencing a lot of cooperation and I think I am learning how to deal with group projects more now. I realized that if you pour your full attention to what you do it always comes out well especially if you really want something to happen then it will happen. Its all mind over matter really. You just have to attract that positive energy to revolve around what you create in order for you to discover your truth about this world.

If you know how to accept peoples opinions and how to process them into a formulated idea or a concoction of creativity then it would be better. I am experiencing a liking for group activity. Its just a matter of passion for whatever you do. If it just so happens that you are put to this task because you unconsciously chose it or if your soul wants to remember something about it then it comes. It is just a matter of bringing out your consciousness about things. If it seems that things are not happening at the time you want it to, it is because it has a specific timing for you to feel and experience a specific feeling.

I am also so happy because I have been associating myself with so many people lately. I have been receiving gifts and blessings from my friends and family and it has been lifting up my self esteem to a very high level indeed. Not an arrogant one but one that makes love highly noticable. It makes it protrude thus showing that everyone has well intentions for the reaching out to the absolute.

One thing that I really have to remember is how to remember DETAILS of the things taht are happening. This indirectly states that I have to hone my OBSERVATION SKILLS. So, I pray that I thank god for the knowledge of the possiblity of HAVING good obsevation skills that I in turn may acquire them heheheh.... :P

Fireworks on electrical posts!

2006-05-08T02:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday night was one of the most amusing days of my life! heheheh! and this day is quite cool too!

I was talking to Dannica on the phone in my cousin Joanna's room when suddenly... the lights went out then the phone line got cut.... I didn't know what in the heck was happening! I swore coz it was pitch dark.... I eventually found my way out of the room. I then went to my tita's room only to find out that there were two electrical posts that went in sparks and that was set on fire! The scenario was that we were all looking for spare lights, Joyce my other cousin was calling the firefighters and the electrical company Meralco then we went downstairs to shut off the main switches. My tita was a little panicked and held her granddaughter as tight as she ever could.

After all the commotion... we went outside to the top deck where it was an open air place. We just couldn't resist that thought of a breather after that!

After a while, they said that it would take a very long time to fix the damage done so we had to wait. Since Jillian the baby had only a few extra sterilized bottles left for the night, we had to find a place with electricity. Spontaneously we decided to go to Dino's house to keep Jillian comfortable and to access needed electricity.

I was wondering in Dino's house if his sister Gabs was there! I wanted to see her badly coz we had not seen each other in quite a while. Afte about an hour at about 11:00 that night.... Gabs and I finally saw each other. Since it seemed like the elecricity was not to come anymore, my cousin told me that I was to sleep in Gabie's room for the night.

Gabs and I were so excited... we didn't even plan on sleeping! We kept talking the whole night then it was about 2:30 in the morning. In the middle of conversation someone called me from outside saying that we were to leave already. I didn't want to but I had to so i did as I was told.

I then was told to go along with Dino and he'd bring me and Havie to our homes. We waited a while and drank a few beers. It was so interesting to be with these people at that hour! It was so fun. We even talked about religion and the Da Vinci code. We even talked about Opus Dei and how strict their practices are.

When I came home I didn't want to go to sleep I was so engrossed in the nights events. It made me think one again. I didn't even want to keep this entry waiting.

Now the recent events made me realize something very important. It is in these kinds of events where you appreciate everyone you are with at the given present moment no matter what you image of them was in the past. That is when you live your life to the fullest. I saw myself doing that yesterday. I am soo happy. Next post amybe tomorrow.

Interesting part 2

2006-05-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

When I say "UNSUITABLE" it is because I do not believe that anything is bad anymore. "BAD" is a term coined by narrow minded people for me. It is unfair to name something as bad. Sometimes things are judged as bad by people who get so hurt of them. It is not helpful for other people who havent experienced such a thing because it is somehow labelled already. Biased opinions pop out made by people who are totally unconscious of what they are doing then it ends up blocking the flow of experience!

For me we people are here not to learn.... We are here to feel to be fully human. If we are God's sons and daughters... If we are made in His/Her image and likeness... Than in a way, we are God. WE ARE GOD! If we are God we already know... it is just up to us to remember.

You may ask..."What the hell is this demented girl talking about?" I can prove it I have back up.. here is how it goes...

God...is an all powerful... all knowing God. He was this enegry, absolute and ever great. The knew himself conceptually. He KNOWS that he is all powerful all that he is everything. But... because God was all there is... He couldn't compare himself to anything. He was therefore "NOTHING" because he was "EVERYTHING"

Now in order to make himself something... he wanted to know himself not only "CONCEPTUALLY" but also "EXPERIENTAILLY"

Think of it this way... you know that belgian chocolate tastes sooo freaking good! You know it already but that is not enough... you want to taste it for approval. You want to EXPERIENCE IT. Tasting makes you feel food. Makes you confirm your knowledge about chocolate.

So... God in order to experience himself made the world of the relative... the extremes. Then he created souls, he divided himself into us that he may just do that.

Where did I get all of this? I got it from CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD by Neale Donald Walsh. Now... If you want to understand the green text I have just written please read this book. It is absolutely amazing!

I know I know... You might think that I am so gullible. That I believe everything I read. Believe me I took this thing into DEEP DEEP consideration and I know that within me. I do not have anymore questions to ask. I have been searching for this truth for years and lifetimes. I have finally met it. I am ready to evolve and I hope that I helped at least some of those who are reading this right now.

That's all for tonight folks! MWAH

link... www.cwg.org

Blogging as my thing!

2006-05-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

I am so in love with blogging now! I don't know I am just so into it. Believe it or not, everything I am learning from computer class is coming out! I am so happy that something I have learned in school has actually appeared in real life! I haven't encountered this since I was in elementary! I am just so happy! I am even learning how to add so many things in this blog and now I can say that it is really my obra maestra! my MASTERPIECE!!!!

Interesting

2006-05-05T08:32:00.000-07:00

I never noticed up until now how interesting my summer has been. I mean... although I have thought that it has been so boring sofar.... It really has not! The pieces have bin put together. There is really a time for a slow paced movement and a time when everything just adds up so fast.

I have been saying that i have bin reading a lot lately right. Well... all the spiritual books I have been reading are helping me face things in a whole new perspective now. I have bin applying what i hve learned practically.. kinda like an exam.

Now frankly... I don't think of hardship anymore. Or any form of sacrifice. I love myself and so I am ready to love anything else. Even anything seemingly negative.

I dont pressure myself to enter into a relationship too soon anymore. I am contented with my life right now. i know that. Unlike before I have bin wanting too much... I have bin holding on to the FUTURE for my salvation. I now found out that I can ALWAYS save my self from any "bad" situation or to put it to words more specifically any "unsuitable" situation for my living just by creating a way out of it and making one much better.

to be continued.....

The Environment is all that Matters

2006-05-03T23:15:00.000-07:00

The environment is very special to me. I love it so much. I swear that once I become independent and have my own source of income, I will become an environmental activist.

The environment for me is not really only about plants, animals and trees. The environment is about my environment, everything around me and around you.

I believe that everything is made out of God. Even the small ants and little bugs are God. The biggest galaxy and every little thing in it is also God. You and me we are not only Sons of God but we are God.

Everything we experience is experienced by God. It keeps him busy when he's all around living all forms of life. He is able to know himself not only in "knowing" but also through living, through deed and action.

Ever since this concept was introduced to me I have looked at everything as so special. I see that no matter how "bad" other people think someone is, I see through the soul of that person. I see that everyone has a HIGH purpose really. No one is useless everyone is beautiful.

I cant really write now. I am a little distracted so I most probably will write when I am in the mood again. heheheh.... :)

Moving

2006-05-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

I am finally starting a good post here on this blog. I have been wanting to fix this for the longest time and finally its here. My official blog. I do have a blog in friendster actually but I want one more customized and boy this is it. I can add so many things on this and if I want to keep it simple it will really be simple alright.

I entitled this entry moving because of so many things. This word is so symbolic to what I am feeling now.

Moving throught the thin threads of time. It is only now I discovered that past, present and future are all actually happening at the same time. It is only in man's imagination that they are happening separately. I am still working out on how to explain that so I'll get back to it some other time I suppose.

I am "moving" (evolving) into another being and I really know so. Frankly the books I have been reading have a truth that I have been searching for for the longest time. The messages of these books have been so complex. I know that I undeerstand it deep within me but I cannot find the words (the tricky words) to express them with so I will get back to that too.

In lighter comprehension.... I am also moving to another country to live there. I am going to live in the states with my mom, dad and sister pretty soon now. This will be pretty hard. I will be adjusting to a whole different world. I do have mixed emotions. I am excited, anxious, and pretty freakin scared too! It is soooooooooooo crazy man! hehehe!

I am very happy though that I have accepted my new direction and I now can say that I do have to stand by all my newly "remembered" principles all the way...

Hence I am inviting all who want to to come to this journey with me through this instument called a blog. I am welcoming all into the cogworks of my mixed brain to join in the excavation for the truth.